That's not really fair. In Jane Austen's day a woman had very little options. The only chance at "success" was marriage. Women didn't have options to become lawyers, work mills, or anything like that. It was all about whom you married and that was also the social expectations of the families.
These days women have options. We can chose to become lawyers, accountants, engineers. We still have glass ceilings to smash through but we do have options. Some women chose to go to college and earn a living, other women still look for a man to marry that will make a decent living.
The same goes for men. One of my first boyfriends would often tell me I should go back to Computer Science because you can make a lot of money at it and that way he could be a "Stay at home" guy. The only problem with his idea was that I HATED computer science, his idea of "Stay at home" was playing video games as he often voiced he hated cleaning and that he was not a good cook. So in his little world I was suppose to go to a job I hated, come home to cook him dinner, then clean up the mess after cooking, then have sex with him as he believed that couples that don't have sex once a night "just aren't going to make it."
EX for a reason..... and in this scenario one of us would have been miserable so I would have welcomed family and friends talking me out of it.
However, there are some women out there that want a man to stay at home and they want to make the money. My Fiance's sister in law and his brother are an example. She is a doctor, she loves what she does, but it takes a lot of time. So, her husband, my Fiance's brother, became a stay at home dad because he LOVES spending time with his kids and it's easier on his wife that he does the chores around the house. Some people look down on that, like he's "less of a man" for doing it. (Which is another rant for another day). But they are both happy, their kids are happy... so I say anyone that thinks their lifestyle is "horrid" can suck it.
Same with Gold diggers. Some women want someone to take care of them, and some men want a pretty girl to take care of. As long as everyone is happy, why do we need to butt in? Aren't we just as awful for judging them and then complaining that "They stick their nose up at us for not living the same life style?" Hypocritical much? You're sticking your nose up them in the same way.
You're happy making your money. You're happy with your life. That's awesome! Why do you need to tare other people's choices down to make you feel better? Why would you pick on other people's happiness just because it doesn't sit well with you? Some people still think WOMEN SHOULD NOT HAVE CAREERS! It makes us "selfish" and you know what? Then those women who think that shouldn't have a career, but I'm content with my Accounting life and I don't care if my sister marries another women that is a sugar mamma. As long as no one is unhappy, then Cheers to everyone!
Same with Gold diggers. Some women want someone to take care of them, and some men want a pretty girl to take care of. As long as everyone is happy, why do we need to butt in?
There's a difference.
In my book a gold digger is someone who looks to use someone else just for money without the other person being on the same page.
Obviously Hugh Hefner isn't a moron, he knows the deal.. but there's a lot of people out there that get taken for a serious ride.
In my book a gold digger is someone who looks to use someone else just for money without the other person being on the same page.
Obviously Hugh Hefner isn't a moron, he knows the deal.. but there's a lot of people out there that get taken for a serious ride.
Understood, in that case, I would agree with you, people who use people and cause misery in any form are jerks.
I guess I deal with a lot of people that instantly add labels to someone without knowing the story. I have a few friends that have "sugar daddy's" if you will, and they are all very happy couples, but so many people have labeled them "gold diggers" and treated them like worthless humans simply because someone with a good deal of money is taking care of them. I never found that fair. I also hated that, after my ex that wanted me to do all the work, I had a standard of needing a man that worked and didn't want me to take care of him, I was labeled as a "snob" and was treated horridly by some family members as well as some "friends" whom I no longer associate with.
In my book a gold digger is someone who looks to use someone else just for money without the other person being on the same page.
Obviously Hugh Hefner isn't a moron, he knows the deal.. but there's a lot of people out there that get taken for a serious ride.
I think most people are on the same page especially if someone is looking to marry someone so that they don't have to work and can be taken care of. I had a friend in college who had an apartment paid for by a much older guy, I'm sure they both knew what was up. If there is a huge age difference and there is nothing in common but you are still both together, then I think you know why you are together. Both people bring something to the table in the relationship that the other wants.
In my book a gold digger is someone who looks to use someone else just for money without the other person being on the same page.
Obviously Hugh Hefner isn't a moron, he knows the deal.. but there's a lot of people out there that get taken for a serious ride.
I believe the completely innocent victim is much rarer than people tend to assume. A lot of people claim to be and believe themselves to be an innocent victims of a gold digger/greedy partner, but they conveniently forget how they have flaunted and used their wealth to attract that partner in the first place.
When people use their wealth or power or excessive ability to provide and care for a partner as their bait, who do they think they're going to catch, but partners motivated by those things?
When I met my husband, I had to stop him from using money he didn't have and talking of his family's money in order to try to impress me. I made more money and had a lot more formal education than he, and I think he thought he needed to "wow me" to win me over.
It took him a while to realize that I had virtually no interest in material wealth. He didn't either, but he thought he had to be able to provide it to attract women.
He also was almost too generous with this time, care and attention, to the point it nearly scared me away. I feared he might have a "white knight" complex, addicted to rescuing damsels in distress, but unable to happily live with a woman who didn't need rescuing.
I was right, but luckily his white knight disease is mostly manageable, as long as I occasionally allow him to rescue me (even if it is from a pickle jar I could have opened myself).
Most people wear their motivations on their sleeves, and even people who try to conceal them usually don't do a very good job. There are always clues if you look for them...
... but often people consider looking for flaws in a partner as unromantic. They deliberately ignore evidence because they want a partner more than they want the right partner.
The only people who can (and want to) successfully hide their true motivations for very long from people who are paying attention are sociopaths, which thankfully are relatively rare.
Most people will run into a sociopath or two in their lives, but they are even easy to spot if you know what to look for - anyone who seems instantly amazing, almost too good or perfect to be true - that's probably a sociopath.
Unfortunately, romantic fiction often sets us up to expect "too good to be true," so it's easy to mistake a sociopath for a "soulmate."
I think you are judging these people unfairly. I don't see this is a short cut, and besides, what is so wrong about a short cut? What you write makes it sound like you don't respect people and you don't think that they deserve their good fortune. Quite frankly that could be the reason why they look down on you. It's easy to spot "judgers."
The choices that people make are theirs to make. Who are you to approve or disapprove? It's great that you are proud of yourself but holding yourself in higher esteem than anyone else is tiresome to others. A person who is truly happy and feels fortunate is far too busy to put down others.
Interesting thread and a lot of good points made...I guess it depends on how you value "stuff" and money. I see you are a newer member, so you probably haven't read in past threads that I have said (many times lol) that I grew up very poor. Not "we only had one care" poor...like we didn't have a car, didn't have electricity at times, and unfortunately I lived in a shelter for about 6 months when I was 12. I knew nothing else but not having anything so I am very unswayed by stuff now. Now, my husband and I are educated and have an income in the upper middle class bracket. Its funny though because we (he grew up just as poor) don't LOOK like it. We still wear the same couple of clothes for years and years and years, and don't have flashy things. I mean we have newer cars that don't break down, but we just have no desire for lots of stuff.
I think its kind of sad when someone feels fulfilled with lots of money and things. In my life experience, I have had the chance to live within two VERY different socioeconomic brackets and live among people within the same, be friends with them and such. I have found hands down that poor people or those with a poor background are far less shallow, clueless and are more real. They seem to bring a very down to earth and practical approach to life and are actually more invested in their friendships. People that we have befriended here in our "new" area and social status are very aloof and more self centered. In fact, the time we have found people that did NOT come off this way (despite having money) we have later found out that they came from a humble background. There was actually a study done that said poor people have more honest communication than rich people (I don't know how you study that???) ...Anyway we worked so hard to get here so we wouldn't have to struggle financially and its nice, don't get me wrong, but the people here suck, they really do. We have stayed friends with our old friends, and I prefer them hands down.
The point I'm making is why would you even care if someone around you wants to actually be like that. Its obviously not about hard work for them, but just having stuff. IDK, like I said I feel sorry for them, but I guess that comes from my life experience and its something I just feel to the core. The thought doesn't even cross my mind that they think they are better...I kind of think of it like they are kind of delusional and not socially normal, I mean what normal person would want to have a fake relationship for money? It just seems like they aren't playing with a full deck emotionally so I wouldn't give any thought to it or what they think.
I also came from a poor background so I have seen both sides of being really poor and being in the upper middle class. I think some of it may be shows like "real house wives of OC", "millionaire matchmaker" or things like that. I don't think their relationships are fake, they are just built on other things. I can't imagine not being married to my BFF who I love deeply but for other people, they may value certain experiences. And I do think you can learn to love someone so who knows, maybe they do love the person even if their relationship was built on the requirement that the other person have money. I think it is also tough because often if you are dating/marrying for money, you are expected to be a certain way and you may be dropped like a hot potato later on for a newer, better model.
Although I agree that you shouldn't give any thought to what they think. They have different priorities in life. That is fine. And money doesn't make you happy.
Although I agree that you shouldn't give any thought to what they think. They have different priorities in life. That is fine. And money doesn't make you happy.
Fun fact:
Money does provide happiness to an extent. People with little to no money are often stressed, feel their needs are neglected (such as unable to just go to happy hour on occasion), often more anxious and other issues.
A study done that I had to report on in my sociology class, viewed people in different income brackets. They surveyed each bracket as many people as they could get, and did an overall satisfaction, happiness, sex, love, spouse, kids... you name it. The lowest incomes were often more depressed (and felt trapped and unable to seek help), less satisfied, and far more stressed as well as angry. The more money they made, the more satisfied with life as well as the happier they got. This capped out at about $75K salary a year for an individual and 100K for a couple. After that.. there is little to no difference in the levels they studied. So a person making 160K versus 75K wasn't much more happy and satisfied with life in comparison to the 75K person. Yet a 75K person and a 160K person were far more satisfied with life aspects then a 30K person, and WAY more than say a 15K person. (The salary differs in location, such as California and Hawaii need higher income, but this was Colorado area, so the only salary I remembered. XD Which also helps the study's results).
Basically earning enough to live comfortable in a safe place as well as being able to spend money on some things makes for happier couples and people. Which makes sense, a big reason for divorce is money (or kids). Stress levels go up the less money or lower on the social ladder at work (another study involving baboons I learned about during my stress management class). Lessening stress and anger, happens with more money, just to a point.
Just thought that was interesting. I'm not saying the key to happiness is make 75K a year, or you can't be happy unless you make that. Just overall.
I've also noticed my stress, anger, and unhappiness has gone down since I've slowly worked my way from part time barista to full time accountant. I feel a lot more free and a lot less depressed and I know it has a lot to do with money.
I am aware of the issues that come when someone doesn't happen to have to worry about the basic necessities like food, clean water and a safe place to live. But I was merely trying to say that people who have money, marry for money aren't necessarily happy.
I also came from a poor background so I have seen both sides of being really poor and being in the upper middle class. I think some of it may be shows like "real house wives of OC", "millionaire matchmaker" or things like that. I don't think their relationships are fake, they are just built on other things. I can't imagine not being married to my BFF who I love deeply but for other people, they may value certain experiences. And I do think you can learn to love someone so who knows, maybe they do love the person even if their relationship was built on the requirement that the other person have money. I think it is also tough because often if you are dating/marrying for money, you are expected to be a certain way and you may be dropped like a hot potato later on for a newer, better model.
Although I agree that you shouldn't give any thought to what they think. They have different priorities in life. That is fine. And money doesn't make you happy.
My aunt does this - 50 and going strong. Respect her or not, its not easy. Even if I could get that on hand (and I've been offered due to family connections) its too much effort. My mom chose instead to be a waitress and I work the daily grind as well lol. Its just easier for a person like me, but (at least manageable) for someone like my aunt. Its funny cause my friends always suggest that I try to get one because I moved to a city area, and I just want to be like "trust me I knew all about the business since I was a kid." lol
i dont make a habit out of bashing people.The way i see it the sugar daddy knows the sugar baby is in it for the money and hes in it for the companion ship sex or whatever he feels he gets out of it.Its a mutually benifical relationship between two adults.I have friends that are strippers and sex workers.I could not do what they do.They however love their jobs and what they do so i say more power to them.live and let live.Someone in life is always going to have more than you or have something you want.Honestly though if i met a very rich man and deicded to be in a realtionship with him and he threw money at me im not going to say no either.
i have never been poor in life and dont plan on ever being poor.I life my life comfortably.Ive been called a gold digger because i want to stay at home and have my man make the money.I like being taken care of its a nice feeling.
Last edited by skittlesfirehawk; 08-08-2014 at 08:19 PM.
