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need advice about asking someone out

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Old 06-11-2014, 04:05 AM   #1
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Gah! I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but... I met this guy at my kid's school the very day that dh and I decided to split (we were together 25 years, I was crazy over him, he not so much, but that's another story), which was maybe six weeks ago. I was in a complete horrible funk, of course, but at some point I realized that our small talk had turned into a real conversation and that he was SMILING at me in a way that felt, uh, wow! And then at the end of our talk, I said (stupidly, I was pretty foggy given what was going on in my life) "btw, I know your wife." And he said, "you know we're divorced, right?" D'oh!!!

So, he's totally insanely hot, like out of my league someone I'd never even notice bc he's like a movie star hot. And I was feeling a little confused, like wow, why is he smiling at ME like that??? But then I realized that I have SOOOOO much in common with his ex and that he and his ex are probably the two people at the school that I've clicked with in the two years we've been there.

There was a little touch of magic (very little, like enough to feel like I might not have been dreaming that first time, but not enough to feel confident about it) during the couple of times I've run into him since but there's always kids there (and mine don't know about the split yet). And there're only two days of school left. It's pretty likely I'm not gonna see him and even less likely that it'd be a situation where I can say "hey, let's get coffee," or something similarly low key.

So... I think I'm gonna email or text. Is that crazy??? Which is better and what on earth do I say? Short and sweet? Like, just not much more than "do you wanna have coffee sometime?" or do I need to say more? And will he feel really put off by it? I guess if he's into me, no, and if he's not... Gah! But unless you all tell me this is the stupidest idea ever, I think I'm gonna do it. Both of our kids are going to different schools next year and we'll never see each other again. It won't be like I have to face him if it doesn't go well, yk? And not like there's gonna be a chance to do it another way. What do you guys think?
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Old 06-11-2014, 08:02 AM   #2
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I am reading and smiling. Keep it simple, I would say listen, I enjoy your company what about a coffee. Then you have to let him decide. Good luck
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Old 06-11-2014, 09:16 AM   #3
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First, I'm sorry about your split. My cautious self says this is too soon, too soon after a split. But my intuitive self says don't let this opportunity escape you!! Like you said, you don't have anything to lose so yes, do it! Don't be too wordy about it just say "Would you like to meet for a cup of coffee next week?"
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Old 06-11-2014, 10:07 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny View Post
First, I'm sorry about your split. My cautious self says this is too soon, too soon after a split. But my intuitive self says don't let this opportunity escape you!! Like you said, you don't have anything to lose so yes, do it! Don't be too wordy about it just say "Would you like to meet for a cup of coffee next week?"
Ditto this. In CT we are required to take parenting classes when we get divorced if there are children that are a product of the marriage. One of the stats they provided was something like "90% of people who get re-married within 5 years of their divorce get divorced again." Funnily enough it was my 5 year divorce-aversary when I didn't feel the need to celebrate, and I just realized that I didn't even recognize my 6th one just two weeks ago!

But - if you want to keep things fun and light, I'd totally ask to meet up for coffee! If you have his number, call or text would be fine
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Old 06-11-2014, 12:52 PM   #5
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OMG, you guys. I'm forcing myself to write this post before I hit send, JIC I change my mind. Of course, I haven't asked anyone out in a bazillion years and this feels pretty bold. Cripes!

Anyhow, the separation thing is still fresh. We only stopped sharing a bed and kissing each other goodbye and all that stuff a few weeks ago, but the five months before that were really h*llish and I feel like this has been going on forever. And I really just feel like I need something nice in my life. Nothing but painful crap day in and day out is just not my style.

ETA: Ok, sent text!!! Gah! I'm, ummmm, having some doubts, but no matter how it turns out I'm kinda proud of myself for doing it. I'm no wuss!
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Last edited by rubidoux : 06-11-2014 at 01:19 PM.
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Old 06-11-2014, 01:31 PM   #6
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Yay!!!!! This thread makes me happy!!!
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Old 06-11-2014, 01:47 PM   #7
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Good for you. My husband and I started dating shortly after his divorce (maybe 6 months after his separation?) and he was very cautious but I think the timing was just right for us. Even if nothing comes of it, then at least you tried.
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Old 06-12-2014, 03:11 AM   #8
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Well, shoot, you guys. I wish I had something good to report. He hasn't responded. I wish I could know for sure if he got it. I'm pretty sure it's the right number bc it was printed the same in the school phone book two years in a row, but there have been several times in the recent past where I'll send a text to my husband or he to me and we don't get it till three days later or something. Sigh... Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they say.
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Old 06-12-2014, 09:49 AM   #9
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Did you put in your text that it was from you? If not he might not know it's you. I sent a text to my own brother the other day and because I wasn't a contact in his new phone he had no idea it was from me just by the number.
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Old 06-12-2014, 04:35 PM   #10
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Thanks for the idea, but yeah, I did. His loss, right? lol
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Old 06-14-2014, 01:56 AM   #11
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Oh man, I'm sorry he didn't get back to you! At least you tried though, you're right, his loss!
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Old 06-14-2014, 09:17 AM   #12
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Still no word? Hmm, well you should be proud of yourself. It takes a lot to step outside of your comfort zone like that. Not responding sounds like his situation is either too complicated or he's immature. Neither of those scenarios is very ideal so consider yourself lucky.
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