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Awful song my dad sent me, that "reminds him of me"..Long post.

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Old 06-14-2014, 09:16 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oohpujie View Post
Not to derail, but I am going to copy and paste sentences from your response below, and I want you to think about them:

"I never really stepped back to ask them about my dad." <- why?

"I lived with daily when I had my mother around." <- if this is what it was like for you, what was it like for your dad? either he's a truly wonderful selfless person, or he's just as toxic as she is.

"Its like he actually cannot grasp why his opinion, judgments or point of view are incorrect or even hurtful. He literally cannot see his own thoughts." <- this is basically an explanation of narcissism/NPD.

"Well, its rare because I just avoid setting him off. I mean I speak my peace when it needs to be spoken, but evn to this day, we'll talk 2-3 times a week but for 5 minutes on the phone. I cant get him to talk to me for very long anyway. He's always antsy to hang up." <- you have learned how to speak to him, not to set him off. He's not interested in your side of the truth or your opinions, he only wants someone to spew his thoughts to.

I think, from an unprofessional but experienced viewpoint, your mother/father were caught in the BPD/NPD dance. They are both toxic, difficult, abusive people.

Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat about this more.
Nail. On. Head.

After I stopped talking to my mother, I spent several years reading all about this. I agree with you 100%. All the signs were there. I had a very rough patch with my dad about a year or so after I stopped talking to my mom (I should add they are divorced since I was 12, and not on speaking terms). I was "challenging" him a lot, but by challenging I don't mean being difficult, just not agreeing with him or giving my own thoughts, expressing I was unhappy about things he'd say or do....

I will definitely PM you.
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Baby #4 - It's a Girl!


Pregnancy Goal: Maintain current weight between 175-180lbs
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Old 09-22-2014, 12:12 AM   #17
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I know I'm a little late to this, but your post touched me. You have no obligation to keep this toxic person in your life unless you wish to for non-guilt related reasons. If you ever get anything good from this relationship, or you have hope that it can improve, I understand you maintaining contact. He is your father after all.

Despite that, if the man is still this antagonistic to this day, on top of his blatant refusal to accept responsibility for your traumatic childhood (which is often all it really takes to begin healing) and the added passive aggression then F this loser. He doesn't sound like he's ever supported you in the way a father should and now that you're an adult you are no longer beholden to his whims. He is upsetting you and bringing unnecessary drama into your life when you are attempting to heal. I say if you're thinking about it and you reach this conclusion based only on your happiness and wellbeing, then cut the cancer out and never look back.
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