i dont even know where to start, i just feel life has been unnecessarily poopy to me lately.
First i had a bad kidney infection which knocked me for weeks.
My dear wee granny passed away just as i was starting to feel normal again - luckily i was able to get out to see her before she died. Then the family arguements started over stupid stuff with my mum behind most of it (me and my mum dont get on too well).
She was texting me over and over asking what i wanted of my grans to remember her and i kept saying "it doesnt feel right to be taking her stuff yet". Anyways, eventually i asked for one little thing only for my mum to give that to my sister on the day of the funeral instead.
Then my mother gives my sister money in an envelope for me - why not just give it to me directly?
I should also mention my mum told me my gran had died via a circular text she sent to her friends - it even ended with her name rather than mum.
I mentioned i was upset about it to my dad but let it all slide (as in i didnt make a fuss) because obviously my mum is hurting.
I still havent cried for my gran and i feel everyone is judging me and thinking i didnt love her which is crap because i did love her but i just cant seem to cry for her (although i bawled over a missing cat poster yesterday - go figure).
I like to think of my gran being with my papa now and them being happy rather than thinking ill never see her again.
After the funeral i didnt hear from my mother again until my sister called me and told me that she was home now - apparently she had went away to Gran Canaria for the weekend to relax before having her hip replaced- i knew nothing of the holiday or the surgery. I feel so angry and upset at my mother for all this but what can i do? this is the woman who has never really shown love for me since i hit my teens - im now 28. There are a lot of issues with her that i wont go into because this post will be long enough.
Along side all this happening my boiler, cooker and a light in the hall decided to break. Cooker and light were fixed within a few days but i've now been a month without reliable heating and hot water and have infact had none for the last week. The man came this morning to look at the boiler and put a temporary fix in place again but will need to get another part (at least landlord is paying).
I also got the contraceptive implant in the morning before my gran died and have been up and down with that emotionally and have now been bleeding for 7 days. Every time i touch it in the shower or by accident i feel a little nauseous with how it feels in my arm. Im hoping i can get used to it and the bleeding stops soon.
Im getting a cold now as well and have ulcers and sores in my mouth.
Ive hardly slept in my bed for 5 weeks now - maybe 4-5 nights and keep falling asleep on the sofa every night suddenly while watching tv - literally awake one second and the next its 5 am.
Im struggling at work to cope with everything and we are now very busy. My friend is having so many problems and is coming to me about them but doesnt seem able to listen to my troubles - she completely forgot why i took a day of for my grans funeral and asked if i had enjoyed my day off and what i had been up to and even when i reminded her she just started telling me about her father in law being in hospital and crying on my shoulder.
My mans baby westie has been unwell with a nasty abscess and his ex wife is making things hard for him atm too and so he is coming to me for help and i dont feel i can be there for him as much as i would want to be normally.
Ive not even thought about my diet in i dont know how long and just feel so fat.
Sorry. if anyone reads this to the end ill be amazed. Ill stop now before i wear my fingers down from typing.