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Old 04-30-2014, 01:28 AM   #61
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PatLib I guess I am being naive. My FB is very small, I trust my friends would never betray me. Kinda like in a real life.... No I don't have 800 friends, only people who are part of my life and I feel would never betray me and my privacy.
Not naive, it is great to have intimate friends you can trust. I have the same mindset in dealing with people online in the same way I'd do so in person, and not saying anything I wouldn't be comfortable saying to my grandmother. Websites aren't secure, so being my own best filter and dealing carefully and forthrightly online and elsewhere is the very best bet.

Having trustworthy friends whom you confide in, even electronically, is excellent. But even then very sensitive data is still best done in a format like iMessage (fully encrypted throughout the transmission and never stored anywhere but locally on the devices sending and receiving) or over the phone/in person. Typed or otherwise recorded transmission of that data is dicey as a rule
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Old 04-30-2014, 05:23 AM   #62
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facebook is a pretty wide audience for that sort of thing.

i know lots of people who invest a huge amount of time and thought into weight training and dieting to shape their bodies how they want, and they are proud and show it off at a website dedicated to that sort of thing. i see it as a source of pride in a hobby, not as a sign of insecurity.

of course, it all depends on how you do it.
I think so too, I see that a lot on instagram.
I don't know if it is insecurity really or just showing off, but its definetly a lack of attention to me.
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Old 04-30-2014, 09:26 AM   #63
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i don't think it's ABOUT whether the gal in question is hot or is not hot, poses in a bikini or nearly naked in underwear, whether she's fat, skinny, or otherwise, whether she's insecure or full of herself. It's the endless ad nauseum of self promotion that is (specifically) "selfies" that most if not all would get really tired of seeing every single day. Enough already!
I know I went off on a tangent about underwear vs. bathing suits, but anyway, I completely agree with this.
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:04 AM   #64
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I know I went off on a tangent about underwear vs. bathing suits, but anyway, I completely agree with this.
I can see why it can be annoying, but they can also do as they please - its not harmful to anyone either, so I just remove those people from FB or delete altogether and the people who do like to see those pics can keep them on their Friend's list/FB feed. Easy!
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:17 AM   #65
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I can see why it can be annoying, but they can also do as they please - its not harmful to anyone either, so I just remove those people from FB or delete altogether and the people who do like to see those pics can keep them on their Friend's list/FB feed. Easy!
Absolutely, that's what I do (I love the option to remove people from your news feed without deleting them as a friend!). But I can still whine :P
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Old 05-03-2014, 03:24 PM   #66
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To me it might be a mixture of both. She's smart enough to know her body is pretty, but she's emotionally insecure and needs the validation.
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Old 05-03-2014, 05:53 PM   #67
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It seems to me that the more you have to loudly proclaim or "prove" that you have something, the more you don't.
^This.
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Old 05-06-2014, 12:14 PM   #68
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Arctic Mama originally posted Not naive, it is great to have intimate friends you can trust. I have the same mindset in dealing with people online in the same way I'd do so in person, and not saying anything I wouldn't be comfortable saying to my grandmother. Websites aren't secure, so being my own best filter and dealing carefully and forthrightly online and elsewhere is the very best bet.
Well said, Arctic Mama, I deal with email and web servers everyday as part of my job. I tell everyone not to post or email anything that they would not want in the local paper.

I will take it a step further. After having had to help settle the estates of some family members, do not have pictures or objects that you would not want your grandmother, mother, sister, child, or grandchild to find. Also, don't commit anything to paper that you would not want someone to read. After you are gone, someone is going to find that diary and read it!
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Old 05-06-2014, 12:26 PM   #69
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time2lose I still stand by my opinion; if I had a body to die for, I would not care who were to see it now or in the future. -- Beauty fades, it would be nice to let the future generations know that mom/grandma/great granny was H-O-T

If I was so lucky as to have an enviable bod, and display it; I guess I am also lucky that I 1) don't work 2) My mom nor grandma knows how to use a "puter".

But I do get your point, though. Yes, we should absolutely watch what we say and do online. - But hot images of oneself should not be anybody's business..... it is not like that she is selling p0rn
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Old 12-23-2014, 06:51 PM   #70
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I do not think it is a sign of insecurity. I have worked for a women's travel company and swimming nude/ taking pics nude/ posting them was a voluntary but common practice. It was about celebrating womanhood and yes we had clients of all shapes and sizes who participated. I personally do not want nearly nude photos of myself so I did not partake but I certainly did not see it as a weakness on the part of other women who chose to do this.
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Old 12-23-2014, 09:47 PM   #71
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As someone who is becoming more comfortable with my sexuality, things like this don't/wouldn't bother me.

I understand how this could be offensive or seen as a cry for attention from some, but I really think the human body is a beautiful thing in all forms. That's not to say I would/would not personally post things like that on my facebook since I have a lot of conservative family members, but I'm pretty straight-forward with sex in general and I don't see it as something that necessarily has to be private (but, of course, can be if you want it to.)

It's really hard to say from a psychological standpoint if she is, in fact, doing this for validation.

Edit: And not aimed at the OP specifically, but if anyone ever has a problem with what others are posting, you can always delete them. Problem solved.
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Old 12-23-2014, 10:08 PM   #72
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Just to reiterate; I say more power to the FB poster IMHO. Congrats on achieving a perfect body. If I could achieve such an accomplishment, I would be so proud and flaunt it, but at the advantage age of 47, such thing in unattainable. But if by some miracle I did; yes there would be a TON of bikini pictures to go about. Maybe not underwear ones.

That being said... Congrats on OP for being happy in her skin as well. I wish I could say the same
I think we're on the same ebb and flow, Sum.

But to take it a step further, why not YOU? Why not at 47?
I think in a society all-consumed by aesthetics we feel there is a cut-off to when our beauty and sensuality ends.
ie- some it's motherhood, some when they reach a certain age, some because they weigh a certain weight, etc.

But I'm always up for someone feeling good about themselves at any age or weight. Like if you want to post ten million selfies a day- good for you! I love seeing that person happy and in love with themselves! It makes me happy. I don't get why it's such a bad thing?
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Old 12-24-2014, 04:35 PM   #73
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What an interesting conversation! To be fair, I think we're giving Dazegypsy a bit of a hard time. She merely wanted to start a conversation about the mental process, not be told she's being judgmental when she kept this person identity so anonymous she could have made it up. I think she honestly just wants to understand and have a conversation and learn something, which is why she asked what are thoughts were. But rant over.

I'm really glad someone brought up the internet security thing, because for me, I think that's the biggest issue with these kinds of posters. I think we all know one or two people like that, and while it is no crime to be proud of your body and wanting to show it off, posting half naked selfies doesn't automatically make it the best way to do that. People can change their minds. There are so many creeps out there. What you may not mind showing today, you could regret tomorrow.

Even though we should live in a world where everyone is accepted, loved and shown as beautiful, we don't live in it yet. I wouldn't send my baby sister to walk to school alone at six years old, even though we should live in a world where it should be safe for her to do that. And, sending her out alone isn't going to contribute to the solution to make that world happen. I think of half-naked easily accessible internet selfies the same way. Just because you should be able to post it and it be safe and uplifting, doesn't mean we live in that world yet. And I don't think adding slightly provocative pictures to show how confident you are in yourself is going to help in the solution. Because our culture is so overly sexualized, most people, especially the media culture, look at those photos and see sex. They don't see the brave, confident acceptance you're trying to portray. It gets used wrong.

I also think that some selfies can be misleading in their attempt to show "confidence" in ones self, and I think some people miss the point of what confidence means (I'm talking mostly about younger girls that I see do this). Angling yourself in the absolute perfect way, adding on the right make-up, choosing the right lens filter, wearing the right colours, heals, sucking in your gut and making sure no one can see that stretch mark, scar or birth mark or whatever you have it, then adding the caption "so confident in myself" is in fact, the exact opposite. Really self confidence, real self acceptance would be posting a close up off that scar on your arm you got on your wedding day cutting the cake. Its posting that picture of you in the kiddie pool bent over so your fat rolls over and makes you look bigger than you are.

I'm not saying we shouldn't have some photos where we doll up, look our best and pose. I think selfies like that can be good for you, and others, and just uplifting. I want some more of those on my Facebook album!!! But, when thats all someone's posting -half-naked posed selfies- once a day or more and claiming bravery and confidence, I think its misplaced. It doesn't say "confidence" it says to me "confident only in this condition, where you can see my media-accwpted perfect".

I'm also not trying to say these people are seriously messed up and we need to judge them. We are all messed up in some way, and they are no more messed up then me! Its just what the topic was, and so those are some of thoughts on this particular subject. I don't think these people are intentionally rude, attention seeking, etc. Its just part of the deeper psychology of how we perceive ourselves. Do I think it's unhealthy? Depending on how it's being done, yes, I do think it's unhealthy. But, like I said before, we all do things. I am unhealthy conscious of other people's bodies and really get down on myself to the point where I'd take any body over mine. Its what I'm slowly working on and doesn't make me any better than someone who over posts naked selfies. I could benefit from people at the other end of confidence, I'm sure!!

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Old 12-24-2014, 05:41 PM   #74
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I, for one, have never met any woman who is satisfied with the way she looks (face or body), no matter how great she may look to others. We are our own worst critics, and I've seen gorgeous, fit, toned women complain about what they see as their flaws, whether it's stubby fingers, a microscopic bit of neck fat, breasts that are too big/too small according to them, etc.
These women exist. I should know since I've been one.

I think it's interesting that I never had body image issues growing up. I was really pleased with my shape and height, and weight (5'10 180 lbs, perfect height and weight for racing laser sailboats, which I did) and instead of specific things I disliked about myself, I had specific things I liked. I liked the square pad of fat on my tummy. I liked my thick thighs, and my waist that went in. I didn't feel any need to share them at school or anything, but I liked them for myself.

I think a lot of body image issues in women stem from cultural priorities. I was a bit of a social outcast, so I never got involved in the hair/makeup/boys stuff that seems to become the sun girl's worlds revolve around at that age. I liked school, and I liked projects (building things, organizing things, writing), and my body was a useful tool for doing those things and other activities. So when I got a chance to stop and look at it, I guess I realized I was a human, and a relatively in-shape and good-feeling one to boot.

As an adult, I think it's more difficult for me to avoid standards of beauty/expectations. I'm expected to wear certain types of clothing to work, and when I manage to find things in my size, they don't seem to look like they should to meet the dress code I see in my mind, either because my belly sticks out too much or my giant nipples show through the fabric, or something else. Sure, I don't judge myself against catwalk models and airbrushed photos in magazines, but I'm still judging myself against someone else, and it's given me an expectation for how I should look to fit in.

I still like most of me, but if I walk past the mirror naked, I have a tendency to grab my belly pooch now and frown at it disapprovingly. I don't like feeling this way about my body. My body takes care of me.

We can all have that feeling I used to have, I think. We just have to figure out how to change our perspective so we're not trying to fit ourselves into a group. And that's the tough part.

(As an aside, I don't put myself in the pro-fat movement or anything. But I really don't think fatter people are more insecure. I think people who compare themselves against others are more insecure, and everyone gets their comparison opportunity from a different source. I didn't run into this in high school because I wasn't conventionally pretty enough to be drafted into the "in" crowd. I kind of feel sorry for those who were...)
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