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Chubby&With Higher Education: I might be a virility killer...

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Old 04-26-2014, 06:07 PM   #16
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Maybe think about relocation.
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Old 04-26-2014, 06:10 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by thirti4thirty View Post
For the first time I'm realizing that I might be a virility killer for most men. A ego killer for most men
Yes, and those are the men you don't want. Don't let other people limit you. Be your amazing self.

And consider moving if you're uncomfortable with the cultural implications of your success. I would. If I have to dumb myself down to find somebody to love, they wouldn't be in love with the real me.
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Old 04-26-2014, 07:49 PM   #18
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Women have made great strides and men in a sense have been left behind. We tell women that they can do anything a man can but we don't actually tell men that they can do anything a woman can do (like being a stay at home dad for example is still pretty much frowned upon because "real" men don't do that). Until we make it more socially acceptable for men to make the choices women use to be forced to make, we probably won't see a lot of progression on this front.

Now, I am not excusing any macho behavior but there are some good men out there who are more than willing to get over themselves.

It happen with my bother-in-law who comes from a culture where his parent got together from an arranged marriage. It was hard for him at first that my sister made more money (she is surgeon and he is doctor) but he got over it.

I think he was lucky because his male friends from medical school seem the very progressive sort. So, if you are ever unsure about a guy and his stance on this, look to his friends if they make fun of him for you being more educated or making more money; it's probably a bad sign.
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Old 04-27-2014, 12:19 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by thirti4thirty View Post
I know this is a highly "socio-geographic" issue, some of you might not understand fully what I'm enduring.

I'm chubby, will be starting my PhD pretty soon and I currently have a high paying job.

I turned 30 this year and have been the object of much attention of my entourage. I know and I'm sure they mean well, but it just seems as if once every 48 hours someone somehow has to remind me that I'm single and getting in the "out of men's reach" zone. I was fine with that...until...

...Yesterday, when someone said...quite indirectly that women in my position (not about the weight though) tend to make men feel insecure and doubtful of their woman's respect, bla bla, and that the social circle counts a lot in that case, making comments to put the man behind his woman, yadda yadda.

While this is not the first time I'm listening to this type of advice, what he said gave it a new dimension for me.

For the first time I'm realizing that I might be a virility killer for most men. A ego killer for most men (probably not for the one who will have enough guts to marry me). For me this is being brutal. I spent the whole day thinking about it.
Not only am I fat, but even without that I'm one of the women who make men feels like they're less than real men.

Hey, story of my life. When I was in my early 20s, in college, pretty sure of what I wanted, I did not date one single man (no pun intended). And deep inside I kind of figured it was not really my problem but theirs, and that they were intimidated by someone like me who knew exactly what she wanted of life, and how she'd achieve it. Things haven't changed much, but I was fortunate enough to find someone ambitious who wasn't afraid of who I was as a woman and he took me on. Now I'm also working on my PhD, and I have achieved so far everything I wanted of life by this age, including a handsome hunk by my side. You'll find your man too, probably in academia.
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Old 04-27-2014, 08:15 AM   #20
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It's very hard to advise you because we live in a different country. If you were in America I would tell you to be even more assertive and not worry about the losers. But being in a third world country, well that changes things because it's a different culture and I don't know what kind of pressures you are facing. But all I can tell you is this: You to be yourself no matter who you're with and where you are. You cannot move backwards to satisfy someone else's expectations. You should not dumb yourself down or conform to a stereotype just so it can get you a man. If you can't find someone within your own community you either have to stand alone or expand your horizons.

And remember, you cannot please people beneath you, they're just trying to drag you down. They will put you down to make themselves seem more important, don't let this happen.

This is why people move and leave their countries, to go somewhere where they will fit in and be appreciated and live comfortably within their own skin. By the way, this happened to me, long before I married I was with a blue collar man who I loved dearly and saw a future with. But he couldn't get past my level of education and career ambitions. He made plenty of money but didn't feel comfortable with my friends or my lifestyle though I didn't see a problem with it. I was just as happy watching a ball game in a bar as I was going to the ballet, but he didn't feel the same way. It was the ultimate demise of our relationship and it was very hurtful.
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Old 04-27-2014, 08:24 AM   #21
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My advice would be to live the life you want to live and attract those that have similar interests goals. I can understand if you are bucking the norm in your country and as a result, there is a cultural dating barrier built. There have been women all throughout history and all throughout the world who have gone beyond the cultural norms for their own pursuit of happiness. I would say live your life and don't worry about sticking to cultural norms.
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