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Does anyone notice this? So annoying!

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Old 04-12-2014, 01:47 PM   #1
She's A Firecracker!
 
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Angry Does anyone notice this? So annoying!

...How thinner chicks can treat a guy like ****, and he still ends up sticking around but if you're bigger he already has his bags packed, now I'm not saying your weight gives you the right to be shitty to someone but it's like guys are more forgiving to thinner chicks and I just don't understand that!
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Old 04-12-2014, 02:15 PM   #2
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I think this is only half true. I worked as bridal registry consultant at a department store and certain people are just attracted to being treated badly. I mean I have seen the most beautiful people with mediocre looking jerks and visa versa.
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Old 04-12-2014, 05:06 PM   #3
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I think this is only half true. I worked as bridal registry consultant at a department store and certain people are just attracted to being treated badly. I mean I have seen the most beautiful people with mediocre looking jerks and visa versa.
You make a good point! I was treated bad by my ex and people dont think hes one bit attractive. i need to work on that as well lol
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Old 04-17-2014, 12:53 PM   #4
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I truly believe if a man is with you for shallow reasons and has one foot out the door because of your weight, he's doing you a favor by letting his true intentions be known. He wants a physical relationship and nothing more, and as soon as a more fit/better looking woman comes along he's gone. BOTH men and women do this, and it ranges from all kinds of trivial reasons: from someone more beautiful to waiting for a guy who's more well off and rich.

If people put up with bullsh!t because their lover is beautiful, rich, whatever... that's their own fault. They'll get hurt eventually because you can't build a relationship on those qualities alone. They'll have to learn the hard way that the person underneath trumps those superficial qualities.

I say do yourself a favor and find someone who likes you just for who you are. Sure it's nice to have ideals, but be open minded and look for someone who thinks the world of you even if you are a little heavy. I guarantee you there are men out there like that. I used to always tell myself I would never find anyone to accept me for who I am, but I've been told by many mature men (not old, just experienced) that there comes a time they outgrow that shallow phase after dealing with so many entitled and awful women. They do look for someone real, and the outer coating can always change... I can make myself a better person, but that's for me not someone else.

That's my stance... always going to be butt holes, people that will put up with it because their shallow, and everyone else who knows better.
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Old 04-17-2014, 01:28 PM   #5
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I think it goes both ways. I have a friend who's husband left her for another woman and the other woman was about 80 lbs heavier. My friend couldn't understand why he would leave her for someone sooooo much heavier. I figured as long as the friend focused on the physical part of the attraction she would never understand what went wrong.
Everyone has challenges, everyone is broken in some way. We all tend to find a mate that helps fill those voids in our life that runs much deeper than this person is thin so she can be a witch to her partner.
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:33 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Dybbuk View Post
I truly believe if a man is with you for shallow reasons and has one foot out the door because of your weight, he's doing you a favor by letting his true intentions be known. He wants a physical relationship and nothing more, and as soon as a more fit/better looking woman comes along he's gone. BOTH men and women do this, and it ranges from all kinds of trivial reasons: from someone more beautiful to waiting for a guy who's more well off and rich.

If people put up with bullsh!t because their lover is beautiful, rich, whatever... that's their own fault. They'll get hurt eventually because you can't build a relationship on those qualities alone. They'll have to learn the hard way that the person underneath trumps those superficial qualities.

I say do yourself a favor and find someone who likes you just for who you are. Sure it's nice to have ideals, but be open minded and look for someone who thinks the world of you even if you are a little heavy. I guarantee you there are men out there like that. I used to always tell myself I would never find anyone to accept me for who I am, but I've been told by many mature men (not old, just experienced) that there comes a time they outgrow that shallow phase after dealing with so many entitled and awful women. They do look for someone real, and the outer coating can always change... I can make myself a better person, but that's for me not someone else.

That's my stance... always going to be butt holes, people that will put up with it because their shallow, and everyone else who knows better.
I totally agree with everything you just said! So true
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Old 04-20-2014, 12:05 PM   #7
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If people put up with bullsh!t because their lover is beautiful, rich, whatever... that's their own fault. They'll get hurt eventually because you can't build a relationship on those qualities alone. They'll have to learn the hard way that the person underneath trumps those superficial qualities.
I'm in the dating world right now, though I can't say I'm doing much actual dating, which is probably not a bad thing considering what I see out there. It seems to never fail that the guys crying about girls playing games and saying " aren't there any honest women out there? " are the same ones that have snarky comments about fat chicks in their dating profiles.

They get what they deserve.

Being through a range of weights is certainly an eye opening experience. I was at my local deli recently, and the two male cashiers fawned over the customer ahead of me. I come along and they're rendered mute. Guys let doors slam in my face. I was in the mall yesterday. I could see this guy people watching. The moment his eyes met mine, the smile literally dropped like someone had slapped it off of his face.

Oh, but rewind to a couple of years ago when I was only about 20 overweight and they were falling all over themselves to open the door for me. Cashiers wanted to take my bags out to my car, and if I caught a guy's eye, out came the big, stupid, sh!t eating grin. I think this behavior actually makes me angrier than treating me like crap.

On the bright side, I know what to look for. I'll ignore the displays of chivalry and watch to see how a man treats a fat woman, or the elderly, or kids for that matter.
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Old 04-20-2014, 03:59 PM   #8
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I'm in the dating world right now, though I can't say I'm doing much actual dating, which is probably not a bad thing considering what I see out there. It seems to never fail that the guys crying about girls playing games and saying " aren't there any honest women out there? " are the same ones that have snarky comments about fat chicks in their dating profiles.

They get what they deserve.

Being through a range of weights is certainly an eye opening experience. I was at my local deli recently, and the two male cashiers fawned over the customer ahead of me. I come along and they're rendered mute. Guys let doors slam in my face. I was in the mall yesterday. I could see this guy people watching. The moment his eyes met mine, the smile literally dropped like someone had slapped it off of his face.

Oh, but rewind to a couple of years ago when I was only about 20 overweight and they were falling all over themselves to open the door for me. Cashiers wanted to take my bags out to my car, and if I caught a guy's eye, out came the big, stupid, sh!t eating grin. I think this behavior actually makes me angrier than treating me like crap.

On the bright side, I know what to look for. I'll ignore the displays of chivalry and watch to see how a man treats a fat woman, or the elderly, or kids for that matter.
It's not like I want to be, but I can tell that I will be very bitter towards guys until I know, like how you said, how he treats all women and kids and whatnot. I know that it has to do with attraction and they treat you accordingly to how they are attracted but still it pisses me off! I even did an experiment. me and my friend was treating this guy the same. he dropped me quick but my thin friend he put up with her side of the **** for a month so it was interesting he was attracted to us the same and i had a more pleasant personalty and what have you...its upsetting to say the least.
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Old 04-20-2014, 04:28 PM   #9
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A lot of people (men and women both) waste time pursuing love interests that they think will impress others. For men, this might mean thin women.

Personally, I wouldn't want to date someone that dumb. And lots of men, most men actually, aren't like that ... they know that what's important is a loving heart and a great personality.

Lets hope your male friend wises up soon ... but let's face it, you are so much better off without him.
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Old 04-21-2014, 02:44 PM   #10
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A lot of people (men and women both) waste time pursuing love interests that they think will impress others. For men, this might mean thin women.

Personally, I wouldn't want to date someone that dumb. And lots of men, most men actually, aren't like that ... they know that what's important is a loving heart and a great personality.

Lets hope your male friend wises up soon ... but let's face it, you are so much better off without him.
I'm actually starting to see that I am better off without him. I don't want to be just some trophy or some object on his arm for him to impress others with. I want a man who is secure in himself that he can be proud of me no matter what I look like because I won't always look the same and I would feel insecure getting with a guy who just bases everything on looks because if one thing changes on me, what am I going to do about it? I think I've got more wise as my journey progressed.
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Old 04-21-2014, 02:53 PM   #11
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Old 04-21-2014, 03:05 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Streudel View Post
Being through a range of weights is certainly an eye opening experience. I was at my local deli recently, and the two male cashiers fawned over the customer ahead of me. I come along and they're rendered mute. Guys let doors slam in my face. I was in the mall yesterday. I could see this guy people watching. The moment his eyes met mine, the smile literally dropped like someone had slapped it off of his face.

Oh, but rewind to a couple of years ago when I was only about 20 overweight and they were falling all over themselves to open the door for me. Cashiers wanted to take my bags out to my car, and if I caught a guy's eye, out came the big, stupid, sh!t eating grin. I think this behavior actually makes me angrier than treating me like crap.
In my experience this has more to do with what I'm wearing and how confident I am in myself than how much I weigh. When I lost some weight a few years ago, I got down to 195 (still heavy!) but had a huge confident boost! Life was going awesome, I was happy, I was taking care of my appearance...doors were held, I dated multiple men, and then I actually met my current SO.

Then I gained weight, lost confidence, and started dressing sloppily. However, now and then I would dress nice and put on some heels and EVERY time, men would go out of their way to hold the door open or be pleasant towards me. It's hard to really know what motivates a man to act a certain way.

LittleMissWarhead If a guy already has one foot out the door, you should be pushing him out that door and closing it behind him. No matter what your weight, never settle for anything less than what you deserve from a partner.
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Old 04-21-2014, 04:39 PM   #13
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I've seen a lot of men and women allow themselves to be treated like crap, even by partners that aren't very attractive physically. Insecure people let their partners get away with abuse, because they're afraid they'll never deserve or find "better," (however they define better).

Decent, emotionally stable people do not tolerate abuse from anyone, but they also won't be happy with a partner who treats them too well. They don't want to be treated like royalty/rockstars. They want an equal partner, not a fawning servant or "groupie."

Many men and women push away their partners by being too nice - too generous, too attentive, too agreeable. Having someone fulfill your every wish asking nothing in return, makes a great fantasy, but in real life it's boring and frustrating

My husband has had to do a lot for me, because of my health issues. We faced some troubles because I felt I had to "make it up to him." To him, he was losing his intelligent, independent, strong-willed, interesting wife, because my gratitude was overriding my ability to treat hubby as an equal. I was treating him more like a hero than a hubby.

He finally got sick of my constant "niceness" and told me how he was feeling. It was hard for him though, because he felt like he was being a jerk by complaining that I was being too nice.

If he had been a man who found it difficult to express his feelings, or if I had not been able to be "less nice", he could have left me to find someone less nice and more challenging. Unless that woman were bigger than me, I could truthfully say that hubby left me for a thinner, prettier woman who wasn't as nice to him as I had been. It would be technically true, but not exactly accurate.
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Old 04-21-2014, 05:24 PM   #14
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I've seen a lot of men and women allow themselves to be treated like crap, by partners that aren't very attractive physically. Insecure people let their partners get away with abuse, because they're afraid they'll never deserve or find "better," (however they define better).

Decent, emotionally stable people do not tolerate abuse from anyone, but they also won't be happy with a partner who treats them too well. They don't want to be treated like royalty/rockstars. They want an equal partner, not a fawning servant or "groupie."

Many men and women push away their partners by being too nice - too generous, too attentive, too agreeable. Having someone fulfill your every wish asking nothing in return, makes a great fantasy, but in real life it's boring and frustrating

My husband has had to do a lot for me, because of my health issues. We faced some troubles because I felt I had to "make it up to him." To him, he was losing his intelligent, independent, strong-willed, interesting wife, because my gratitude was overriding my ability to treat hubby as an equal. I was treating him more like a hero than a hubby.

He finally got sick of my constant "niceness" and told me how he was feeling. It was hard for him though, because he felt like he was being a jerk by complaining that I was being too nice.

If he had been a man who found it difficult to express his feelings, or if I had not been able to be "less nice", he could have left me to find someone less nice and more challenging. Unless that woman were bigger than me, I could truthfully say that hubby left me for a thinner, prettier woman who wasn't as nice to him as I had been. It would be technically true, but not exactly accurate.
I totally agree with what you said. I could never respect someone who kisses my *** 24/7 I like it when a guy can call me out on my bullshit, real honest and not some sort of fairytale lover lol
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Old 04-25-2014, 04:47 PM   #15
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I promise this isn't true all the time! I've known guys to leave a thinner girl who treated them like crap (after a full year of dealing with it!) just to run into the arms of a larger girl. And just like the first commenter said, some people are just attracted to that! And then there are some who are just suffering from a sever bout of "beaten-wife syndrome"(or whatever it's called, the actual name has slipped my mind at the second).

On the flip side, Some men are actually attracted to bigger women. My fiancee, for example. I've known him for almost seven years. I've been around to see everyone he's dated. And most of them were "thicker" girls, me included! I think he dated one thinner girl, and even she wasn't the stereotypical, (IMO) "socially accepted" thin!
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