[NYFLAgirl]

So I know this topic has been addressed here before but I was hoping others can relate to what I'm going through personally. I've tried talking to friends about this but I know no group of people can understand me better on this than my 3FC friends.

So I've recently tried online dating-a paid service this time as oppose to a brief period of time that I tried it on a free sight with not much luck (I only had my profile up for a couple of weeks).

My problem is this: I am terribly afraid of being rejected because of my body. Not that I still need to lose a considerable amount of weight but the way my body currently looks after losing over a 100 lbs. It ain't pretty folks. I have loose skin, stretch marks and sagginess everywhere.

I'm very good at covering it up when wearing clothes-it's a routine at this point. So I tried to pick photos on my profile that you can see my full body (frankly, I don't have a lot) and put my body type as full figured (the heaviest option was heavyset and I really don't think that I am at that point anymore) but I still feel like once a guy sees me in person they are not going to like what they say.

I know of course if they don't like what the see then they weren't the right person to begin with. I just don't want to feel like I'm hiding something and aside from posting a naked photo (which no one wants to see and I'm sure I'll get banned) I don't know what to do. I make jokes about this but writing this makes me want to cry. I know I'm ready to date-the irony of it all is after losing over 100 lbs I'm more self conscious than ever. It really makes me sad and not want to date at all.

Has anyone else that's lost a considerable amount of weight dealt with this issue?

[PatLib]

I think you should be brutally honest put your weight loss story on the profile. You will attract people who don't care or people who are going through the same thing you are.

There are so many awesome people wanting to date you but by withholding you actually aren't giving them a chance to do that.

[NYFLAgirl]

Well I eluded to it in my profile-about being really passionate about my health and exercise. I didn't really know if I wanted to put it all out there right away. I've noticed guys have a tendency to feel uncomfortable and not know what to say around me when they find out I've lost a lot of weight.

[nibog]

Honesty and patience is key - You may not find "the one" with in a week of being on the site.

Take your time and know that things will fall into place when they should.

I met my husband on OK Cupid.com - - best free site I ever found. Not only can you really easily move around the site, they have a ton of free "quizzes", personality quizzes really, and it helps find you matches by how you answer the questions. That way it can find people who think, feel, and act like you.

Met my husband on there in 2008, today is our third wedding anniversary.

[Earthling]

Originally Posted by nibog

Honesty and patience is key - You may not find "the one" with in a week of being on the site.

Agreed! All great advice.
I too, have been dappling with the idea of joining eharmony or something. I am such an introvert and meeting guys at bars is pointless for me since guys who go to bars are not the type of people I am interested in. But so far, I haven't quite gotten the nerve.

You may meet quite a few creeps. But keep going! You'll have a ton of funny stories at the end and eventually someone both normal, and worthy of you will come along.
But nibog is absolutely right. Patience is key.

Perhaps, instead of saying that "health and exercise is important to you" on your profile, write a sentence or two on how losing a significant amount of weight has impacted your mind. It's not about the weight-loss its about the growth of the person. What have you learned from your journey that makes you a better, more interesting, wiser, fun, more open person? Make it positive but short and sweet.
That gets the truth out of the way, but also elevates you above it.

[NYFLAgirl]

Thank you for the advice everyone. I know I need to approach it with patience. Oh and happy anniversary nibog!

[mysticalsunshine]

I was a lot smaller when I was on a dating site (about 80-100 lbs lighter) I felt the same way, however my best advice to you would be to date, I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found my current boyfriend Rob online through Plenty of Fish. I went on dates and you could tell the ones who were not too into you because you weighed more or whatever, but they just didn't call again, and I was brutally honest up front and said I am a big girl, they were either cool with that or they weren't but I think if you are honest and up front with the guys as you said you put in your profile that your health and exercising is important to you, you will meet someone eventually! I had my profile up over a year before I met my match and we have been together just over 2 yrs. It will happen hun!

[MiZTaCCen]

I honestly had been on and off dating sites for years. Lots of losers, lots of guys with commitment issues and most of the tie I refused to go for coffee dates because it was a waste of time for me to get dressed up too meet up with someone who I know couldn't keep my interest.

I had finally given up until I met my current boyfriend. I remember asking him two month in what we were? One day he said we were more than just "hook up" buddies and then a few days later said he wasn't ready for a relationship. He went to mexico for his best friend's wedding and I continued with my plans to move to another province (which he knew nothing about.) I told him when he came back from mexico that in Sept I'm leaving and not coming back, so since we're not in a relationship lets enjoy our time until I'm gone.

At my Birthday he met all my friends and one had asked if we were still "complicated?" given the gifts he had gotten me and the way he was towards me. Sweet, loveable etc... a few months later he decided to make us official. and I decided to give it another 6 months where I am before I up and leave to another province.

Next friday we'll be moving in together! It's only a 6 month lease just in case it doesn't work out, but he's honestly the best person I've ever been and he's complete opposites than what I used to date.

So it'll happen, probably when you're about to give up and not focus on dating but other stuff in life instead. It true when they say it'll come when you're least expecting it.