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Old 01-26-2014, 11:55 PM   #16
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my first wedding was at our church and both our families were there...my dad walked me down the aisle

my second wedding was at home with just our closest friend and his wife/kids in attendance...my teenager "stood up" with my husband and our younger son stood by me in front of our rock wall/fireplace at home....no other family was there and with the cost of travel in Alaska, prohibitively expensive anyhow....we said we'd have a big reception during the summer but we never did and no one ever mentioned it again

if my father (who is still alive) had passed away, I would memorialize him like someone above said by carrying something to remember him by as I walked down the aisle or however we arranged that....my dad and I have a lot of silly childhood songs, Czech songs and other inside family "traditions" that I would also incorporate in some way
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Old 01-27-2014, 07:05 AM   #17
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shcirerf, thanks for sharing. I am sure that was really really hard for you to do. A friend of mines Mother passed away, very suddenly, right before her wedding last year, and she went on with it. I am stressing about 11 months and thinking I wont be ready and she did it after two, just like you. Thanks for the money saving ideas. Being that the wedding is going to be in the Chicago burbs, I need to work on meeting someone who has a big backyard. I would love that!

Mad Donnelly I have wondered about the logistics of eloping and getting the parties associated with a bigger wedding. I would love a bridal shower with mimosas.

Wannabeskinny I don't know what I am afraid of. I know they are all there to support me, but it still gives me a giant lump in my throat.
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Old 01-27-2014, 10:28 AM   #18
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I'm getting married (for the 2nd time) in November. The only person besides my son that I really care about being there is my Mother who unfortunately won't be there... So we're making this about us and what we want, and that is eloping in the Caribbean. It's way cheaper than having a local traditional wedding ($80-$100 per plate is robbery) and we'll also be on vacation. Can't beat that.

Maybe consider something like that and then having a very small brunch/dinner when you get back for immediate family.

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Old 01-27-2014, 05:31 PM   #19
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So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad very suddenly in 2005 when he was only 62, I still miss him terribly.

I had a friend who did an out of town wedding in Vegas - didn't elope - it was all planned out. She invited lots of people, but she was only there for the weekend, just the wedding (no reception in Vegas) and a few people showed up - she really only cared about close family and friends being there for the ceremony. I think she had about a dozen people there to witness.

But, we had a shower for her a month beforehand and they had a party/reception (it was a big BBQ out in a local park) 2 weeks later and we had a blast. They easily had 100+ people show up, we had lots of food, music and games.
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:04 PM   #20
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I'm sorry for your loss, smashlers. I've seen weddings with little tables set up with photos of the deceased and I love the idea of doing or wearing something that connects the person with their loved one, but I think you should ultimately do whatever makes you comfortable and happy. Be it a memorial video, donations made to a significant charity, big or small gathering, eloping, whatever. I wish you as little stress as possible while you plan and much joy on the big day!
"Smile, breathe and go slowly." - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Old 01-27-2014, 08:56 PM   #21
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I have wondered about the logistics of eloping and getting the parties associated with a bigger wedding. I would love a bridal shower with mimosas
It's just a different timetable, if I'm understanding what you're saying. You could elope and then come back and have your planned party afterwards having sent out invitations for the reception that explain what your plans are for the actual ceremony so everyone knows. That puts everyone on notice, Hey, we have to throw Ashley a kickass mimosa bridal shower before they elope!

Honestly, weddings these days are getting to be 3- and 4-day affairs (pre-wedding picnic, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception, post-wedding barbecue, etc) that are sometimes a bit much. It's nice to have things planned for out of towners, people you wouldn't otherwise get to see, etc. But, to be honest, you can't be and do for everybody around this time even when it's 4 days. There's too many people and details and emotions, etc.

Now, none of this helps with how you deal with your grief. It will be almost a year and you'll maybe have it sorted out a little better in your head how to deal. But, problem is, you have to plan now. Like I said, for me, not being able to get it exactly as I wanted, I probably would have changed it up at that point since it couldn't be. You can still get everything else that's important to you and still honor your dad and know that he'll be there. You know no matter what, it's still going to be tough. But you should still go for what you want to honor the new union of you and your husband. That's what it's really about after all.
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Old 01-28-2014, 10:33 AM   #22
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Oh I'm really sorry to hear that, it sounds really difficult! Have you thought about postponing the wedding for a while? It really might help get your thoughts straight but then again, I'm sure you still really want to get married as it will be the happiest day in your life.
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Old 02-03-2014, 04:04 PM   #23
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I'm so sorry for your sudden loss and I know it is still so raw for you. I agree that at your wedding, no one is going to want to try to make you feel bad, but I also understand that even the best-intentioned people can say something that throws everything off. My dad died when I was young and I remember the first Christmas after he died, people who knew him would come up to me at a party and say "wow, your dad really would have loved this" or something, and I did not want to hear it. If I happened to be in a moment where I wasn't thinking about losing him, the last thing I wanted was a reminder he wasn't here anymore. So yeah, I get how something like that could bring in the bad feelings.

Anyway, I really don't have many suggestions because people will say what they are gonna say. But I can tell you that I had a Sunday morning wedding followed by brunch and I loved it. I'd been to so many of the Saturday night, really expensive weddings and found them to be not so memorable. Our ceremony and reception were in the same location so it was like wedding at 11, brunch at noon, everyone out by 3. Short and sweet. We did the traditional dances (I danced with my stepdad while my husband danced with his mom; first dance for the married couple, etc.) but the music was laid back stuff instead of loud party hits. And you know, you don't have to do all those dances. I bet if you talk to a dj or band, they might even have suggestions based on what others have done in your situation.

Good luck, I hope you still get the wedding you want.
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Old 02-04-2014, 08:45 AM   #24
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I was fortunate enough to have my dad walk me down th eaisle, but if he had passed away before I got married, I have no brother or close male relative I would have wanted to have in his place. I am not sure what I would have done. I may have asked my mother to escort me down the aisle, but I think I probably would have eloped and had a reception for all of our family and friends when we returned.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Don't let anyone make you feel badlly for your choice, either!
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Old 02-05-2014, 01:38 AM   #25
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I am terribly sorry for your loss. My brother passed away suddenly many years ago. I found that grief counseling really helped me a lot. It may be beneficial in helping you to sort everything out.

When my brother's daughter got married, her mother and brother walked her down the aisle.
During the service, the minister acknowledged the members of both families that had passed. It was a very brief, touching moment to pay respect, but the rest of the celebration focused on the newlyweds.

They were married on a beautiful summer evening in an apple orchard overlooking vineyards in Northern California's wine country. It was a sweet and casual event. Instead of a lot of expensive flowers, the aisle was bordered with large tubs of apples. The food was served family style; instead of a traditional wedding cake, they served apple pie. The favors were jars of homemade applesauce that the mother of the bride prepared. There was soft music piped in, not a band or DJ. Everyone was wearing nice summer casual clothes; some women wore slacks and some wore dresses. It was a modest, charming and memorable event - much nicer than some expensive weddings I have attended.

There are many ways to create a wedding that is just right for you. I wish you and your fiancÚ great happiness.

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Old 02-08-2014, 04:35 PM   #26
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My father passed away 20 years ago, and I'm still single. Were I to get married, I'd go down the aisle solo, maybe following a flower girl or bridesmaid. I don't remember every talking to my dad about my future wedding plans - I guess I never imagined him walking me down the aisle...

I'm the only girl, and my brothers each have their own daughters to walk down the aisle. Actually, I think it's kind of an old fashioned notion of "giving" a bride away. And, I am usually sentimental and old fashioned to a fault. However, I find it kind of charming that a bride would walk toward her groom on her own. Do whatever makes YOU happy. It's YOUR wedding.

So sorry for your loss.

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Old 02-08-2014, 06:18 PM   #27
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The first time I got married, *ugh*, I had my ex husband's uncle walk me down the aisle. Before that at the very beginning, one of the groomsmen put roses where my parents would have sat.

I am getting married in May, again <3 I have decided to walk myself down the aisle, maybe carrying my Daddy's Rose and having someone put it in his place.
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Old 02-10-2014, 12:04 AM   #28
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smashlers, I am so very sorry for your loss. My father passed away over 20 months ago after a decade long battle with Congestive Heart Failure so his loss was not as unexpected as yours. Two days ago, I said to my oldestson "My Dad always..." and didn't cry at the end of it telling someone about my memories of him for the very first time. It has taken that long to stop crying if I even talk about him. I still go to his grave and talk to him and I cry all the way home every single time. There is nothing in this world that is going to make the pain of losing your dad disappear. You are going to think of him on your wedding regardless of if you have it in a church, a beautiful park or a courthouse. Your Dad will be there is spirit wherever you tie that knot. Honor his memory. Find a way to include him that is meaningful to you wherever you decide to get married because he is going to be on your mind anyway.

I really am sorry for your loss and I completely understand where you are coming from.
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