I will make this as short as possible.
My "friend"/ex boyfriend died on Tuesday from an overdose. It's a call I have been expecting from his Mom for a long time but I still cried. I have known him since we were teens (I'm now 39) and have kept somewhat in contact, mostly by text within the last 6 years. His lifestyle was out of control so it was best to keep him at a distance. I tried to cut him off completely but he always found a way to stick around in one way or another even if it was against my wishes. That's just the way he was...A bit of a sociopath. Also his Mother begged me to check up on him once in a while so I did.
He is someone 13 years ago I was so in love with I would've jumped off a bridge if he asked me to. We dated twice, both times ended with my heart broken into a thousand pieces. I have never felt heart break like that. I mean laying in bed all day depression. But that was then..
I already have PTSD from my Mother's death and I don't think I can handle seeing him like that. I don't want the memory. I would have to take off work and drive alone over an hour and a half there and back.
Today I sent his Mom a sympathy card with some photos I have of her son. It's the least I can do. I feel guilt for not going but anger that he put everyone including his 2 young kids through this. He's had so many opportunities to get help it's ridiculous.
I don't owe him anything but I did tell him I forgive him before he died which gives me some peace.