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Old 10-17-2013, 03:32 PM   #1
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Default cliques at the gym

hi everyone i joined the club recently and i take les mills classes mostly.all the girls are thin already and they all wear the same black pants that cutt off above the ankle and racerbacks.i wear shorts and a tshirt also not skinny yet. the one class i love bodycombat everyone knows eachother and they seem to do stuff outside of the gym.i try saying hi and getting involved in the conversations but they either answer quickly or brush me off. it seems to be the same way in my other classes all the girls dress the same and know eachother. i wanna make new gym friends. im thinking maybe its because i dont come consistenly enough maybe? they seem to be there every week like clockwork and some days i just dont feel like going.

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Old 10-17-2013, 05:15 PM   #2
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i think if you WANT to make new friends there, to go consistently and also look for talk more to the ones there who arent already part of the clique....me personally, i dont want to be friends and socialize at the gym...i want to get in there, work out hard, and head home to shower
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Old 10-17-2013, 05:21 PM   #3
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When I did spin class, I found that people were friendly but could tell that they would never be more than acquaintances. I think people join up as friends, or have been going so long together that the friendship has evolved. Like Alaska, though, I'm not really looking for friends at the gym -- although I do talk to my friends if I bump into them there.

If you want to make friends, Alaska's advice is on the money. Look for other people who also aren't in the clique, strike up conversation, and see if you share any common interests.
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Old 10-17-2013, 05:32 PM   #4
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You might be better off enlisting one of your normal friends to join the gym and go with you. Then you'd have a friend in class and an accountability buddy outside of class.

I've made acquaintances at the gym before but nearly always they were the same general age and body type as me. You may also be running into some people with a bit of a snobby attitude that look down on people not as fit (yet) as they are. Do they seem friendly in general and maybe just stand-offish because they don't know you yet, or do you think maybe they are sort of shallow? If shallow, I'd avoid them and seek friends elsewhere. They won't add anything to your life.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas A. Edison

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Old 10-17-2013, 05:36 PM   #5
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I steer clear of cliques. These are generally shallow, petty people. Like Eagle said, they have nothing to offer you except drama. Seek friends elsewhere.

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Old 10-17-2013, 07:46 PM   #6
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In all my years of going to the gym, I haven't ever had a "buddy" to work out with. Occasionally, I'll have a coworker (my gym is also at work) mention that they want to work out and can they come with me, but rarely does that last past one visit. I've just never found anyone else with the desire to keep at it.

I do tend to see the same people over and over at the gym, and I smile and nod, but I don't bother them while they're working out, and vice versa. Actually, now that you mention it, the people who are regulars at my gym seem to be the loners... maybe that's not the case during the day when I know a lot of mommies come to morning classes. But, in my experience, working out after work, everyone just does their own thing.

You can join a class and work out with people, but I wouldn't expect to gather friends from that crowd. It's just something that you do together and then you go your separate ways. At least, that's the way it is for me.

If you really want friends to work out with, I hope you find them. Surely there are some buddy types out there.

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Old 10-18-2013, 09:36 AM   #7
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I think it just takes time to get to know the other folks, and sometimes it's hard to become part of a group when you're the new kid...especially when it seems like everyone else goes to every class!

I've been very lucky, as I go to a pretty small gym and everyone is on the friendly side. However, it took about 10 months before I started to even talk to people regularly. I don't generally go in much for group classes, because I'm hopelessly uncoordinated/unfit/scared of other people/etc and it's really hard for me to make friends.

That being said, I signed up for a "Shape Up, Suit Up" 12 week class they were holding in May on a whim. There were never more than 3 or 4 of us, plus the instructor, and being able to meet people in the small group setting made me more comfortable to pop in for the occasional BodyPump class,as I now know some of the "regulars" and an instructor. Unfortunately, I am unable to regularly go to classes, because they all start before I can get home from work
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Old 10-18-2013, 10:09 AM   #8
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Just because they don't want to be friends with you does not mean they're bad people. They're just doing their own thing, they don't owe it to you to be friends with you. After all, they're spending their own money and their own free time to be there so they're allowed to be friends with whoever they want. I also don't think that their clothing is necessarily a uniform to indicate their click, after all a lot of people all across the nation wear that exact same outfit while working out. They may have been friends before they even joined that gym, you don't know the circumstances of their friendship. OR, they may want to be friends with people of their same fitness level and that's ok too, in fact in our society that's pretty much the norm. I can't remember the last time I set out to make a friend that was heavier than me just for the sake of it.

If you're looking to make friends through activities a better option is to join a fitness group through meetup or join an activity club. Gyms are not generally conducive to making friends.

"If you pay attention to when you are hungry, what your body wants, what you are eating, when you've had enough, you end the obsession because obsession and awareness cannot coexist." - Geneen Roth
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Old 10-18-2013, 04:33 PM   #9
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"they seem to be there every week like clockwork and some days i just dont feel like going"

Wait. What? Don't give up! If you enjoy the class then keep going! There are "cliques" at my gym too. They talk before class, during class and after class. Why do they have so much to talk about is beyond me. But that doesn't stop me from going because my goal is to exercise.

Anyway. Don't let them bother you. Good luck!
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Old 10-18-2013, 04:46 PM   #10
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I totally get what you are saying. I take several classes at my gym. I find some people to be friendlier than others. I also notice some to be friends with each other or good friends with the instructor and I feel kinda like an outsider. My main reason for going to the gym is exercise so I don't let that bother me. I think sometimes I am not as friendly as I could/should be so this is a reminder for me. There is one lady at my gym that I would smile and say "hi" to and she seemed to snub me every time. Finally I stopped saying hi and smiling. I saw her last Sunday and she struck up a conversation with me. Totally blew me away and makes me think I misjudged her.

Don't let this stop you from going! keep at it and keep being friendly! Like others said, if you are looking to make friends too, you might want to look elsewhere.

I don't have a friend to work out with. In the past, I have had friends who would work out with me occasionally but everybody has a different schedule and different goals in terms of exercise. My husband is a member and so he comes with me sometimes. He won't go regularly(he does have work commitments during our class times) so I go alone. My gym is really a friendly place even if I haven't made friends. If your gym is UNfriendly, maybe there are other gyms in your area.

Last edited by monmis12; 10-18-2013 at 04:53 PM.
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Old 10-19-2013, 09:38 AM   #11
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I haven't gone back to working out yet, but the 24-hour concept thrills me to no end for this reason so I can go when I virtually have the place to myself. I have always hated the "social" aspect of working out. I want to get in, get out, and be as unnoticed as possible.

I know that sounds antisocial and I suppose I am. But I don't like businesses that make it a policy to scream out, Hi, welcome to Subway!!!, as soon as I walk in the door. I am just here to buy a sandwich. Get my order right and I'll be thrilled. I don't need to be on a first-name basis with you.

My former place was like that. They were great and very nice and friendly and supportive, but I don't need or care to be bombarded with attention when I am just trying to slip in the door and get on with it. After a while -- and some other things -- it was too much and just wasn't the place for me.

I will look for a place where I'm comfortable by myself even tho sometimes I'll workout with my husband. I really don't expect or desire to go there to make friends.
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Old 10-19-2013, 11:55 AM   #12
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I think most people see the gym as a place to get in and out of as quickly as possible. It is so hard to find the time to go that most people don't want to extend it any further into the time they need to do everything else in their lives.
Make choices today that your future self will thank you for!

Last edited by patns; 10-19-2013 at 11:56 AM.
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