3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > General chatter

General chatter Because life isn't just about dieting. Play games, jokes, or share what's new in your life!

Approach people with help...without being condecending

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-08-2013, 10:45 AM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 20

S/C/G: 165/135/125

Default Approach people with help...without being condecending

Dear Friends,

I lost my weight and in the process of trying everything out, I have a feel for what works and what not. I learned a lot about nutrition and exercise in the process and not my friends and family line up for advice (and have some great results too).

But when it comes to the people that I am not close with, I feel just weird. I want to spread some love and support I know I can give a lot of advice and change a persons life, but I have no idea how to approach it. I guess I have an urge to help people, that don't ask for it, but aren't those the people who need help the most?

PS. I am thinking about my own life coaching business in the area of weight loss. Very friendly, non judging, buddy way to losing weight that is scheduled around peoples life (not lives scheduled around weightloss)
Elena EQ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 11:20 AM   #2
drifting downward!
 
Desiderata's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 550

S/C/G: (HW 194) 172/164/140

Height: 5'5 1/2"

Default

For people that don't ask for it? It can't be done. If someone's not open to it, it won't happen. And no one can ever make another person be ready for it.

There's a really common psychological experience at play here, very similar to new religious converts wanting to proselytize and share with others because they're so very happy with where they're at. Yet trying to convert others to your view point is, 99 times out of 100, only going to turn them off further.

Do your thing and if others ask, share. But taking on a savior mentality and trying to go out and rescue others only backfires. To be clear - I don't doubt your sincere good intentions, but that's just not how it works.
__________________


Desiderata is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 11:23 AM   #3
slowly shrinking mii
 
threekidsandasheltie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Southeast Louisiana
Posts: 57

S/C/G: 230/115/120

Height: 5'0"

Default

I dont give opinions unless asked for, I remember before I lost all my weight I didnt want to hear from others what I needed to do.
__________________
threekidsandasheltie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 12:26 PM   #4
Staying the Same
 
krampus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Troy, NY
Posts: 6,443

S/C/G: 160+/116/this is fine

Height: 5'5

Default

I have several spelling bee victories under my belt and I have an excellent grasp of spelling in the English language. I couldn't help but notice you spelling "condescending" without an "s" - in our crazy language there are so many irregularities and misfit words! I have a lot to offer when it comes to memorizing irregular adjectives, and it wouldn't feel like second grade spelling tests.

^ Your reaction to that is how probably 99.9% of people would feel if you approached them and made any suggestions about weight loss.
__________________
Push on some more!

http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/krampus
krampus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 01:11 PM   #5
Senior Member
 
penmage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,033

S/C/G: 245/ticker/125

Height: 5'2"

Default

^ What krampus said (btw, that was awesome )
__________________


Let's try this again!
Mini Goal 1: 230.0
Plan: South Beach
penmage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 01:27 PM   #6
Senior Member
 
curvynotlumpy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: In the present...always!
Posts: 662

S/C/G: 220/189/145

Height: 5'

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
I have several spelling bee victories under my belt and I have an excellent grasp of spelling in the English language. I couldn't help but notice you spelling "condescending" without an "s" - in our crazy language there are so many irregularities and misfit words! I have a lot to offer when it comes to memorizing irregular adjectives, and it wouldn't feel like second grade spelling tests.

^ Your reaction to that is how probably 99.9% of people would feel if you approached them and made any suggestions about weight loss.
LOVE. THIS. ^^ Nailed it, Krampus!!
__________________
curvynotlumpy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 01:35 PM   #7
Member
 
Clumsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 95

S/C/G: 196/146/135

Height: 5'5

Default

Don't be that person. If you want ro start a blog or something and invite ALL your FB friend/acquaintances/whatever to it, fine. But don't target the people YOU feel should lose weight. Previous commenters are right, it can't be done without being condescending (thats a more charitable word than I'd have chosen). It IS condescending if you are spewing unsolicited weight loss advice at them. They presumably have access to the internet and can read. No shortage of info on here.


@ Krumpus
__________________
Clumsy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 01:38 PM   #8
Senior Member
 
kaplods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,328

S/C/G: SW:394/310/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by penmage View Post
^ What krampus said (btw, that was awesome )
LOL!

Krampus' unsolicited spelling help does a great job of illustrating that there is no way to offer unsolicited help without being condescending, because you cannot know what the person knows, has tried, is trying or is intetested in doing.

I've gotten more than my fair share of condescending advice. Sometimes, I've even asked for it (without knowing the advice would be condescending).

When I was living in Illinois my doctor at the time suggested that I could lose a lot of weight simply by keeping ice cream out of the house and if I wanted icecream I'd have to leave the house to eat it, buying only one ice cream cone.

I explained that I didn't eat ice cream or any "junk food." He suggested I give up fast food. I explained that I HATED fast food.

He had no other suggestions except to hand me an outdated 1200 calorie sample monthly menu (filled with processed foods I didn't eat).

By the time I was eight years old, I had more weight loss knowledge than this physician.

My current doctor at least admits what he doesn't know. He suggested I try low-carb, but warned me not to go too low. When I asked what was too low, he admitted having no clue.

I've been experimenting ever since, and while many aspiring gurus would assume I needed lots of help because my progress is so slow to their eyes, it's fricken' fantabulous to mine, because it's success I couldn't achieve with my wealth of weight loss knowledge.

For the most part, I try to be patient with newbie converts, whether it be to religion or weight loss, but zealotry does bring out my own condescension and I want to pat them on the head and tell them how adorably annoying they are, and then share MY superior knowledge to help them become less annoying. Surprisingly, when I've done this, the recipient is almost never as grateful as I imagined they would be.
__________________
My Etsy shop (currently closed for the summer)

http://www.dreamstormdesigns.etsy.com
etsy link by permission from 3fc! Want to add yours? Ask them!

Last edited by kaplods : 07-08-2013 at 01:39 PM.
kaplods is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 01:38 PM   #9
Leveling Up
 
sontaikle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 3,655

S/C/G: 200+/115/115

Height: 5'3"

Default

Just because you lost 30lbs doesn't mean you're suddenly a weight loss guru who can give random people advice. Don't get a nosebleed up there on your high horse after all!
sontaikle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 01:40 PM   #10
Enjoying la bella vita
 
nationalparker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,648

S/C/G: 179/166/150

Height: 5-4

Default

While your heart may be in the right place, remember that what worked for YOU ultimately might not be what works for someone else ... and what didn't work for you, might be just the help they need. As the other posters have said, we each have to make our own journey through then, when we're ready to make the changes. Congratulations, though, on your success!
__________________
nationalparker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 02:05 PM   #11
Senior Member
 
Buffinlovin's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 261

S/C/G: 221/196.3/130

Height: 5'2

Default

I agree with all the comments here already...you can't try and force your knowledge onto someone who isn't willing to listen, even though you are only trying to help. Weight loss, almost like religion, is very personal and some people can be deeply offended that you recommend something that they feel is wrong. There are certain boundaries that you just don't want to cross, especially with people you do not know very well.

If you want to share your weight loss knowledge, a blog would probably be the best medium. You can write your opinions, cite facts, etc., and sure people can disagree with you but at least that person was open to reading the information you posted in the first place, rather than be told things that make them feel uncomfortable without having a choice, if that makes sense.
__________________
Started Weight Watchers May 5th, 2013
Started MyFitnessPal June 23, 2013
"Rather than aiming for being perfect, just aim to be little bit better today than you were yesterday"


http://raidingobesity.blogspot.com/ A Gamer's Journey of Weight Loss
First goal: 210 lbs-5% of body weight-achieved 6/24/13
Second goal: 199 lbs-10% of body weight and ONEderland!-achieved 8/20/13
Third goal: 175 lbs-high school graduation weight!
Buffinlovin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 02:24 PM   #12
❈ 1 w/ the wind 'n sky ❈
 
Elladorine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,959

S/C/G: 360/236/150

Height: 5' 8"

Default

If you really want to reach out and help people in person, I'd suggest joining a weight loss help group like tops.org where the members themselves can write and present programs for the benefit of the entire group. It's an embracing atmosphere of people actually wanting solicited advice (well, typically), which is a much better option than running up to people that "need" it yet aren't ready to start, let alone appreciate your intentions. It would also be a great way to put your communication skills into practice if it's something you genuinely want to become a lifecoach for.
__________________

Visit Elladorine.com to see my 150 lb. progress photos & more!Facebook Twitter

★ Goal for 2013: Healthy Pregnancy, Healthy Baby REACHED 12-11-13
★ Goal for 2015: Get under 200 pounds once and for all!!! ★

Last edited by Elladorine : 07-08-2013 at 04:20 PM.
Elladorine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 03:50 PM   #13
Here to Learn
 
EagleRiverDee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,144

S/C/G: 225/See Ticker/125

Height: 5'5"

Default

I wouldn't. No matter how pure your intentions, if you approach someone else and try to give them unsolicited advice on weight loss, fitness or healthy eating, you will more than likely tick them off. Even people who ask typically don't really want answers unless it's a magic bullet ("take this pill") or it validates their already cast-in-stone opinion.
__________________


"A mistake is not failure but feedback. -Rod Gilbert"
EagleRiverDee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 09:18 PM   #14
MF 3/31/13
 
SuperHeroTeacher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 925

S/C/G: 261/ticker/155 for now

Height: 5'2"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
I have several spelling bee victories under my belt and I have an excellent grasp of spelling in the English language. I couldn't help but notice you spelling "condescending" without an "s" - in our crazy language there are so many irregularities and misfit words! I have a lot to offer when it comes to memorizing irregular adjectives, and it wouldn't feel like second grade spelling tests.

^ Your reaction to that is how probably 99.9% of people would feel if you approached them and made any suggestions about weight loss.
just awesome!
__________________
Every day is a battle, but whatever, I'm scrappy ~Darcey

Each = 5 lbs gone for good!

SuperHeroTeacher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-08-2013, 09:26 PM   #15
Embracing the suck
 
JohnP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: California - East Bay
Posts: 3,185

S/C/G: 300/234/abs

Height: 6'9"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by krampus View Post
Your reaction to that is how probably 99.9% of people would feel if you approached them and made any suggestions about weight loss.
Nailed it!
__________________
"Getting solid information is easier than ever. Getting misinformation is even easier." - Kaplods

Maintaining for two years and I eat whatever I want - just not however much I want. Details here.
JohnP is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:11 AM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2