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Long Term Relationships, but Not Married

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Old 06-25-2013, 06:16 PM   #1
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Default Long Term Relationships, but Not Married

My boyfriend and I have been together over 3 years, but are not married. My friends understand to not ask us "when are you getting married?", but, before we came to this understanding it was practically once a month.

Just today, two acquaintances both asked me when we were getting married. One even asked when we were going to have kids! As a public service announcement, if you have single childless friends, don't ask them those two questions the answers to both are typically very, very personal.

Anyway, back onto my original post. Are there any other "single" couples out there that are happy being "single" couples? Or, are you part of a couple that wishes the other one would step up to the podium and say "I do"?

Disclaimer: Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind getting married, but considering our current situation it would just be a legal formality. (wow, that sounds pretty cynical, doesn't it!)
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:40 PM   #2
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Im one of those happily together, well not that happy, but anyways, I dont want to get married yet but I really donīt know if itīs because I just donīt want to or because I donīt want to commit to this one determined person... anyways Iīm in the same situation as you!
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:43 PM   #3
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I always get the "oh really???" look from people when they realize that we're not in a rush. As if there is something wrong with our relationship.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:46 PM   #4
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I was one of those. I had been with my guy for 5 years and had had a child with him before he randomly asked me to get married...but it wasn't to be married. It was for insurance and tax purposes (rofl) We loved each other and still do...but we both were at the point that our love was greater than a piece of paper saying we were in love. We've been married not quote 2 years now (took forever planning our wedding...because we were in no rush, not because it was huge) and even went with an off color theme because well...why not? Afterall, we were only getting married for legality sake, so should make it fun and make it fit us. Say hello to the zombie bride from the zombie wedding
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:50 PM   #5
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zoesmom, I love the creativity!!!!
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Old 06-25-2013, 08:10 PM   #6
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Hi there just wanted to say, me and my man have been together for 21 years ,we have two children ,right in the begining we both didnot want marrage .i think it is about how both of u feel about marrage.
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Old 06-25-2013, 08:51 PM   #7
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I think the bigger issue is people that think that 3 years together is way past the point where you should be married. When my ex got engaged this past Christmas, he had been seeing his faincee just under a year. People were saying "IT'S ABOUT TIME!" What??? A year is just enough time to get to know each other!!!

What happened to courtship??? Why is everybody in such a rush to get married??? I have SEVERAL friends who are seriously upset if they haven't gotten a ring after dating a guy for 6 or 7 months. Yes, we're ALL looking for that special someone to share our life with...but maybe knowing him pretty well beforehand would be a good idea. Maybe if we weren't in such a rush to get married these days we wouldn't have the high divorce rate we have.

Call me crazy, but even though I want to be married to the love of my life more than anything (single right now, for the record), I am SO glad that I'm not 37 and on my 3rd divorce b/c I was in such a rush w/ the wrong person.
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Old 06-25-2013, 08:55 PM   #8
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I was with my children's father for about five years. He asked me to marry him several times but I just never saw the point. My family always asked me when we were going to get married. I loved him, I just didn't want to get married. I still have no desire to be married. I don't fantasize about wedding dresses, decorating a wedding, or anything like that. LOL
I still get annoyed when people ask me why I am not in a relationship.
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Old 06-25-2013, 09:06 PM   #9
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My husband and I were together for 16 years before we got married. Both of us are atheists and see "marriage" as something religious. We both commented we wished that straight couples could get into a civil union!

In 2005 DH's health insurance skyrocketed. So we decided on Sunday to get married and did it at the courthouse I work at that Thursday. So even though we love each other and have been committed for many years, our marriage is out of convenience.

Jen
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Old 06-25-2013, 10:23 PM   #10
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Living in sin for seven years.
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Old 06-26-2013, 01:33 AM   #11
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Livin in sin for 21 years now! We are married in every sense but on paper. We have two kids together, a mortgage together, are covered on each other's health insurances, etc.

Contrary to the beliefs of our families, neither of us is against marriage, we've both thought about being married, we're just never in agreement at the same time... Now we're more than 20 years in, what's the point?
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Old 06-26-2013, 02:44 AM   #12
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I'm kind of in the same boat.

My fiance and I were a blind date almost 8 years ago. After a year and a half of seeing each other, we moved in together. Another 2 1/2 years later, he proposed in front of the Bellagio Fountain in Las Vegas. I was truly happy at that moment, and I knew that this man was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

After him popping the question, though, I realized I wasn't really in a rush to get married. We always, to this day, get the questions "did you set a date yet?" "when's the big day?" "are you going to have children?" "What are your wedding plans?". I've learned to be non-commital when answering, but the truth is neither of us are ready to get married just yet. We are both severely overweight (me at 210 lbs, him at 320 lbs), and we don't want to go down the aisle looking like we do. We also want to move out of the apartment we are currently living in, and get a bigger place. I'm tempted to take the money that my parents are giving me, and the money his family is giving us, and put it towards a down payment on a house instead. If I had to choose between a wedding or a house, I'd want the house.

He does want a real wedding, which is okay, but not what I really want. I don't like being the center of attention, so I would prefer a Justice of the Peace wedding, and maybe a nice reception with friends and family instead. But I have to remember it is also his day, and he does like to have that attention (sadly for me, the ceremony is always about the bride).

To this day I have done absolutely no wedding planning except to pick out the song we will have our first dance to (So Close-Jon McLaughlin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBhF3m1kCDs). And I had to fight him on this...I said if we are going to have a traditional-style wedding, I want my first dance to be traditional. He wanted Total Eclipse of the Heart by the Dan Band -_-

So yea...August 12th will be 8 years, and although we're engaged, no rush to get married We'll do it w hen we're ready, and not before that.
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Old 06-26-2013, 03:04 AM   #13
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Me and my guy have been together for almost 7 years now (will complete 7 years together on 12th August 2013)...well, we would have loved to be in a live in relationship before tying the knot however, things in India are different. Live-in is still looked upon as a bad thing. BF is keen on staying together till we take the final step and has asked me on more than one occasion but I am not that strong to handle that, you know going against the society norms and all. He understands. And we know we want to settle first before getting married and have kids. So a little more wait in order. But I see nothing wrong in remaining unmarried as long as you are happily in love together.

And yeah....we are also constantly reminded , asked regarding marriage by family and friends

ETA : OOhhhh, Buffinlovin....i just noticed we share the same anniversary date
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:16 AM   #14
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Although I'm married, I understand. We don't want to have kids and are asked about that a lot. We are not religious and don't think of marriage as a religious thing but I can see how some people feel that way. I am all for people doing their thing and marriage doesn't need to be a requirement for happy life together.
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:24 AM   #15
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Why would you be annoyed at being asked a question? Does your annoyance maybe indicate that you do wish to be married? Because if you don't want to get married in can easily be nipped in the bud by saying "actually we don't plan on ever getting married, we don't believe in marriage." Nobody would ask you that question again, I know I certainly wouldn't if I understood your stance on marriage.

The thing about questions is that they really don't have anything to do with you. Even if you do get married those questions will never stop. Once we got married we got bombarded with questions about having kids. Once we had a kid we are now bombarded with questions about having a second kid. Who knows what kind of questions we'll be asked if we have another. Probably questions like "private or public school?" It just never ends.

If you are happy and comfortable with the decisions you've made then outside questions really wouldn't bother you. But if you long to get married and your BF is stalling then I can imagine that those questions would be irritating because they would nudge and reflect your own discomfort.
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