[BrittBit]

Originally Posted by nelie

I don't think you can generalize the other way either. People get married for all sorts of reasons, I know someone who dated for 10 years, got married then got divorced a couple years later.

I had a few long term relationships when I was younger and marriage wasn't really a thought other than 'yeah maybe sometime in the future'. I dated a guy for a year in my late 20s and it was quasi broached but I didn't really have an interest. Then I started dating my husband in my early 30s and it just felt like the right thing to do so we got engaged a year after dating.

I realized that after I said that, I might offend someone. Sorry about that. I was kinda stereotyping based on people I know. For instance, a friend of mine got married because she has low confidence and thought she couldn't do any better. Needless to say, he treats her like crap. Another friend of mine is very religious and she believed that she HAD to get married because she had sex with him and didn't want to live in sin...he cheats on her often.
Even though these are sad circumstances, I know that sometimes everything is just right and fits. I do have a friend like you. She met this guy on a plane (coming to visit me) and a year later they were engaged. Now they are married, happy, and treat each other right. It's nice that you found a good thing, too.

[nelie]

Originally Posted by BrittBit

I realized that after I said that, I might offend someone. Sorry about that. I was kinda stereotyping based on people I know. For instance, a friend of mine got married because she has low confidence and thought she couldn't do any better. Needless to say, he treats her like crap. Another friend of mine is very religious and she believed that she HAD to get married because she had sex with him and didn't want to live in sin...he cheats on her often.
Even though these are sad circumstances, I know that sometimes everything is just right and fits. I do have a friend like you. She met this guy on a plane (coming to visit me) and a year later they were engaged. Now they are married, happy, and treat each other right. It's nice that you found a good thing, too.

I'm not offended but I think relationships vary. I think when you are younger (in general), you are more wary of long term commitments, at least I was when I was younger. As I got older, I was more open to the idea.

[Lizzyg]

We were together just over 9.5 years when we finally were married. We really had no reason to NOT get married. It was hard because I wanted my Dad to be there and he was always out of the country for his job. So I just told my now husband in Jan of 2008 that we were getting married that summer. And told my Dad so he could plan his vacation. So romantic right?

We have been asked since like the 2nd and 3rd year that we were dating "When are you having kids?" - and we started dating when I was 17! WTF?!? Anyway, from my family the questions of kids has stopped - because I think they've now realized we most likely are not having them (thankfully it was only extended family I don't see on a regular basis that always asked the kids question).

I do still get the question from patients at work. It does get kind of annoying. Recently, I was talking with a patient and he asked if we had kids and I told him no - we have dogs. And he was like "oh you just must be recently married"....um no. It's hard for some people to get that we prefer our dogs to kids.

Anyway, I get it

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by nelie

I'm not offended but I think relationships vary. I think when you are younger (in general), you are more wary of long term commitments, at least I was when I was younger. As I got older, I was more open to the idea.

Really? I'd say the opposite. Although I love being married and it was always something I wanted since I was young I doubt I would choose to get married if I had to do it all over again. I'd be with him but avoid the wedding part, or maybe just go down to the courthouse. Come to think of it I only regret the wedding and all that money we spent needlessly and didn't even enjoy it much.

Anyway when I was younger I was more idealistic about marriage where now and used to be the ultimate level of commitment but I dot think that way anymore.

[Natasha1534]

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny

Why would you be annoyed at being asked a question? Does your annoyance maybe indicate that you do wish to be married? Because if you don't want to get married in can easily be nipped in the bud by saying "actually we don't plan on ever getting married, we don't believe in marriage." Nobody would ask you that question again, I know I certainly wouldn't if I understood your stance on marriage.

I felt the need to address this. I don't deal w/ it as far as marriage goes, but I have always dealt w/ it in reference to my decision to not have children. I was aware at the age of 12 that I did not want to bring any children into the world. I love children and I think they are an absolute treasure, but I do not want any of my own.

The repeated choruses of "oh, you'll change your mind when you meet the right one" and the horrified looks of "but you're a woman, you're SUPPOSED to want children!" get old, trust me. My last ex even told me "I didn't think you were THAT serious about it! That's an issue for me." I am ALWAYS upfront w/ guys when dating...I do not want children and will not change my mind but I am not adverse to dating men w/ children (my ex had 3 already).

It doesn't mean that I secretly desire children. It means that it's a personal decision that I've come to and, honestly, it's nobody's business but mine and my partner's.

[novangel]

I'm in a happy relationship 5 1/2 years, living together almost a year. Both of us are divorced. Do I want to get married again? Not sure, not really a priority since kids are not in our future. I already have a 10yr old and my uterus is closed for business.

I had a friend (keyword: "had") that gave me a lot of crap about it. Marriage is not the end all be all for me like it is for her. Different strokes.

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by Natasha1534

I felt the need to address this. I don't deal w/ it as far as marriage goes, but I have always dealt w/ it in reference to my decision to not have children. I was aware at the age of 12 that I did not want to bring any children into the world. I love children and I think they are an absolute treasure, but I do not want any of my own.

The repeated choruses of "oh, you'll change your mind when you meet the right one" and the horrified looks of "but you're a woman, you're SUPPOSED to want children!" get old, trust me. My last ex even told me "I didn't think you were THAT serious about it! That's an issue for me." I am ALWAYS upfront w/ guys when dating...I do not want children and will not change my mind but I am not adverse to dating men w/ children (my ex had 3 already).

It doesn't mean that I secretly desire children. It means that it's a personal decision that I've come to and, honestly, it's nobody's business but mine and my partner's.

I can understand how people can be very cruel about this, even more so than marriage. I was open to the idea of having kids, but I was also open to the idea of not having kids too. I knew that if I had a fertility problem I wouldn't pursue it to the degree some of my friends have who have resorted to IVF etc. I have one child and I don't think I'll have any more. But I remember when I was pregnant or before I was pregnant people would tell me "you don't know real love until you have a child." That statement still makes me really really angry, it negates all the love I've experienced in the past from parents, family, friends, and romantic love. Yes, love for my child is intense, but I am insulted by people saying that I don't know real love until I have a child.

[pnkrckpixikat]

I have been with my DH for just shy of 4 yrs, we lived together for 2.5 yrs and have been married for 8 months. Honestly we only got married because the student housing at the university I transferred to was about $150-200 cheaper than the cheapest housing nearby but wouldn't allow him in the apartment unless we were legally wed.

We already knew we wanted to spend our lives together, but would we have gotten married anytime soon had this NOT been the case? Probably not, we always planned on finishing school and starting our careers first.

[Terra1984]

My fiance and I are engaged to be married on June 5th 2015 but he isnt in any rush to get married, We just celebrated our 2nd anniversary in June but anyway even though we are gonna get married we dont want kids either