What would you do? Advice please...
 

Hello there! I have a bit of situation in my neighborhood (condos), that has me very upset. The other day on a walk with my dog, I noticed a neighbor has a doormat that says "no fat chicks allowed". This infuriates me, embarrasses me and makes me sad. I live in a condo neighborhood and we have an association, they have very strict guidelines and somehow I don't feel this mat would meet them.

Should I send a complaint? I can't seem to let it go.

On an unrelated note, I am excited to being joining this website, I have been attempting to lose weight on my own and have done okay but have made the decision to join weightwatchers.
thank you!

First off, welcome!! You are going to love this site. :)

I'm so sorry you have to deal with someone like that. But really, if we formally complained about everything we took offense to, we'd be writing letters and complaining all day!

I'd just leave it alone and hope someone they know tells them how ignorant they are and the mat goes away.

And I might walk across the doormat every single time I walked by....but that could be trespassing. ;)

I'm assuming someone like him and his attitude problem probably doesn't have many chicks cross his threshold in the first place.

You are better than that doormat, don't give it a second thought. :hug:

I second what Elvis said.

I've seen trucks with stickers that say "no fat chicks" or "my truck is lifted so fat chicks can't get in" or something to that degree. Yes it infuriates me, and I feel a little sad. but then I think, this mindless prick chooses to go through life with a demeaning and depressing attitude. That's his choice. Not everybody is going to like what anyone does, looks like, acts, speaks, eats.. sleeps for that matter. As Elvis said, he probably doesn't have a lot of "women" traffic through his place.

As I've said on this site before, I have an aggressive personality. And would probably leave a note that says "No Douchebags", but then I'd probably also tell him to kiss my fat a** as I have confidence, which he clearly does not as he probably wouldn't want to be "seen with a fat chick".

There will always be losers. I personally and proud to not be one, and choose not to associate with any of them.

What if it said "No Blacks", "No Gays" or "No Christians" ?
 

Look, even if you were a size 2, it would still be offensive, right? So, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and all the other people who live in your complex that find the mat offensive.

You can make peace with your neighbor or you can make war.

Easy peace: Write a NICE note and leave it for them. You can make it anon if you want.

Hard peace: Bake some cookies, go over there, introduce yourself, then casually bring up the mat you would be standing on.

Easy war: Write a letter to the HOA demanding they remove the mat.

Hard war: Wait until the neighbor leaves, then grab that sh*t and throw it away.

I agree with NeeneeKhaleesi. Do you want children passing by to stop and read that? I would definitely put in a complaint.

Thank you all for your responses! I feel better just putting it out there. But I will be writing a complaint letter to the association. You all had great points, thanks for the advice!!

Can you out in a complaint anonymously? That's what I would recommend if possible. You don't necessarily want to start a war with a neighbor but it is rude and offensive and children really don't need to be getting those views pushed on them.

I'm just wondering and I hesitated asking but I know we are a friendly bunch here. :)

This is a welcome mat on someone's doorstep. His homestead. His castle. He pays the mortgage. (He might be a jerk, a douche, a large man himself, who knows. But it's HIS house.)

Do you all confront people with bumper stickers that offend you, people that wear tshirts that offend you, tattoos that offend you?

If someone complained about something at my house (regardless if I knew who it was or not), I'd go out of my way to make sure I didn't have to get rid of it.

There are far more things to worry about than a welcome mat on someone's doorstep. But that is only my opinion. I'd just walk a different way if I was that offended. And cookies would be the last thing I tried to schmooze a man who obviously has a distaste for large women esp. if you are going to discuss the "fat" reference in the mat. Not telling you what to do, just don't want you to encounter this potential lunatic.

King of the castle or no, we all live in the kingdom together.

Good luck!

My 2 cents: Yes, there are plenty of douche bags in the world, and in many cases said douche bags have neither the desire nor potential to change, but the doormat is a little abusive, and you shouldn't have to tolerate that kind of crap in your neighborhood. Especially if you have an association - might as well make use of it!

What sort of sexist or offensive materials he has inside his own home is his business, but whatever he has out on the porch becomes part of the neighborhood.

I actually have to agree with Elvis. I have a nice ol' jerk off that lives by me who spent WEEKS harassing me EVERYTIME he saw me go for a jog...and since I go multiple laps in my neighborhood, I heard it REPEATEDLY within a 30-60 minute workout. Needless to say, his jabs were of the "you are too fat" kind.

Sugar wins more bees than vinegar. I would just smile and wave everytime, as if he didn't piss me off (when he really did.)

I now go jogging with this same jerk off almost daily. And he tells me often that he is surprised on how much I have accomplished and he is truly sorry for his childish behavior. He tells me he wishes he had my drive.

Had I flipped him off and called him names, we'd still be at war with each other.

I'm going to bow out of the conversation as I don't want to take from the OP's problem as it's obvious we aren't going to agree. My house (inside or out) isn't anyone's business unless it's illegal (and a fat chicks reference doesn't qualify for that...). And as far as being in a village together, a welcome mat isn't the type of change that will unite and make a neighborhood gather to sing kumbaya.

Zoesmom, I'm so happy for you. I still wouldn't trust him with a 2 foot pole but I know how abusive he's been to you in the past. He's still not worth your time though. And every time I read about him in your posts, I mentally give him the middle finger. Like right now. :)

zoesmom - Wow, what a great turn around! And to get an apology to boot!

We might not all agree on what the best course of action would be, but I think we can all agree that the guy is acting like a childish moron.

I see both sides. Of course people have the freedom to fly whatever flag, wear whatever shirt, and have whatever doormat they want in a free society...but it is precisely because we have that hard earned freedom that we have an obligation to shape a more symbiotic culture.
It may seem like a small thing to correct, but if it gets the message across to even one person that such things are not acceptable in our culture, it was worth it even is the doormat never gets removed. Wherever they are placed, a doormat, a youtube comment, a bumper sticker...messages that disparage an entire group of people are wrong and hurtful. If we do nothing, nothing changes. If we make our feelings known...maybe nothing changes...but at least there is a possibility of change.

Interesting discussion. I also agree with everyone's perspectives (except for the option of delivering cookies ;)hehehe ).

I gave this some thought and I came to this conclusion: I think you should complain for a few reasons. First, he lives in a community with an association and has, thus, agreed to abide by the community rules. If this violates any of those rules, then such is life.

Second, I tried putting in some other words except fat chicks on his doormat. How about no Jews (I'm Jewish, btw)? How about no Christians? How about no alcoholics?

For some reason, it's still ok in our society to bash those of us who are above a certain weight. The reason is that people view us as lazy glutones who simply can't do what they all do: eat less, exercise more.

I brought up the no alcoholics as a way to illustrate the fact that people don't see addiction as necessarily the addict's choice and yet food addiction is seen as the addict's choice.

If there's any way this jerk can figure out who filed the complaint, I don't think it would be worth getting into a war situation with a neighbor, but if you can do so anonymously, then I'd do it.