Thank you all for the different points of view. I am going to submit an anonymous letter to the association. If I lived in a neighborhood with houses and no association, I wouldn't say anything. But I lived in somewhere that has very strict rules about what can be posted and they care about the atmosphere of the neighborhood. I could care less if this person has it in their home, that is their choice but I think it is abusive and needs to be removed from the outside.
I really appreciate the comments and discussion, you all made me feel a lot better. It was nice to hear different views, and it gave me some things to think about. Thanks!!
Second, I tried putting in some other words except fat chicks on his doormat. How about no Jews (I'm Jewish, btw)? How about no Christians? How about no alcoholics?
For some reason, it's still ok in our society to bash those of us who are above a certain weight. The reason is that people view us as lazy glutones who simply can't do what they all do: eat less, exercise more.
I completely agree. Don't stand by and say nothing. It's offensive and he's an idiot!
ETA: Sorry for my late post. Either way, good job!
While I find his mat offensive, it is his house. I say let it be. If for nothing else than to give any lady who may possibly ever want to enter his house, an idea of the kind of person he is. I think leaving that mat there is more punishment than removing it. For all he knows, the girl he's bringing home for a night cap was once a "fat chick".
Hello there! I have a bit of situation in my neighborhood (condos), that has me very upset. The other day on a walk with my dog, I noticed a neighbor has a doormat that says "no fat chicks allowed". This infuriates me, embarrasses me and makes me sad. I live in a condo neighborhood and we have an association, they have very strict guidelines and somehow I don't feel this mat would meet them.
Should I send a complaint? I can't seem to let it go.
On an unrelated note, I am excited to being joining this website, I have been attempting to lose weight on my own and have done okay but have made the decision to join weightwatchers.
thank you!
I'd be tempted to stick a note right underneath the words to make it read, "No fat chicks allowed, just dicks."
But I have a bad attitude, heh heh--and, really, why add the obvious?
The mat would bother me too--but really, it's kind of helpful it's there. At least the occupant is tipping his hand and you know he's not the kind of person worthy of friendship or anything.
Try not to let it get you down--and if you can't do that, maybe send an anonymous complaint to your complex's association president or whatever.
Interesting discussion. I also agree with everyone's perspectives (except for the option of delivering cookies hehehe ).
I gave this some thought and I came to this conclusion: I think you should complain for a few reasons. First, he lives in a community with an association and has, thus, agreed to abide by the community rules. If this violates any of those rules, then such is life.
Second, I tried putting in some other words except fat chicks on his doormat. How about no Jews (I'm Jewish, btw)? How about no Christians? How about no alcoholics?
For some reason, it's still ok in our society to bash those of us who are above a certain weight. The reason is that people view us as lazy glutones who simply can't do what they all do: eat less, exercise more.
I brought up the no alcoholics as a way to illustrate the fact that people don't see addiction as necessarily the addict's choice and yet food addiction is seen as the addict's choice.
If there's any way this jerk can figure out who filed the complaint, I don't think it would be worth getting into a war situation with a neighbor, but if you can do so anonymously, then I'd do it.
This is what I was thinking! I mean sure, a person has a right to believe what they want and say what they want BUT he has chosen to live in a community where those things can and will be monitored and the people who live around him make those rules - that's how it works. If he lived in his own house that wasn't a condo community it'd be a different story.... for one you wouldn't be able to even see his door mat unless you were a personal visitor.
Secondly, since when has it become a person's right to say discriminating things?
- No cripples allowed
- No japs allowed
- No blacks allowed
- No Mics allowed
We fought long and hard to keep discrimination at bay for ethnic groups, minorities, and women. And suddenly we here at 3F are ok with discrimination against us? If we don't stand up for ourselves then who will? Certainly not this guy.
I am surprised that you would even entertain the idea of complaining about this.
I find it hard to believe you are concerned about what someone else has on their mat.
I will gladly send you some real problems that I have to deal with on a daily basis ....
This is why I would never live in a Condo situation ...people trying to find a way to use Condo bend Condo rules to push forward their agenda.
Learned a long time ago the more you stir something the worst it stinks.
Try being a good neighbor and ...be like the Beatles songs ..And Let It Be!
Just know wasting time on things that are a drain of energy derails us from living the best life we can!
Not meant to offend you...just maybe trying to give you a more realistic look at how petty this is!
Roo2
I'm of the "leave it be" opinion too. I mean, this is his personal property so he CAN discriminate if he wants. Those laws apply to places of public accommodation and employment, not personal residences. I find it quite tacky and tasteless, but I would be upset if someone impinged on my right to say whatever I want in/on my own property.
When I was in grad school, "No Fat Chicks" signs were EVERYWHERE. One day, at a plus-size clothing shop, an extremely unattractive middle-aged man came in to buy something for his mother. He was wearing a "no fat chicks" t- shirt.
We politely helped him, and then laughed our asses off. We joked that NO chick would have him, so he really didn't have to advertise his preferences. We ended up joking about a store we might open, called "We B Fatchicks" where the door censor would be weight sensitive and would only open for weights of 200 lbs or more.
I'm not sure if there's a point to my story, but it never dawned on me to confront the guy or anyone else about offensive t-shirts, bumper stickers, unwelcome mats, or signs in their windows.
Of course, I tend not to get offended easily. I even winked once at a guy wearing a "no skinny chicks" t-shirt.
Was his t-shirt offensive? Yep, especially to skinny women, but I was in my 20's and at the time didn't care what "skinny chicks" thought, and hey, he was cute... and I've always been drawn to dark or sarcastic humor.
My husband loves wearing off-the wall, sometimes offensive t-shirts, such as "Sin like you mean it." I bought him one that reads "Come over to the Darkside, we have cookies," and another that says, "Welcome to the Darkside, we lied about the cookies." He also has an "I love my wiener" shirt with a picture of a dachshund, and a pink shirt that says "My executioner's robe is in the wash."
My favorite is "I'm big, you're small, have a nice day!"
I understand you're uncomfortable about the mat, and since you live in an area where people voluntarily give up their property rights, I suppose complaining to the governing body is every bit as appropriate as telling people what color Christmas lights they can display and how long they can display them, and what breed of dog they can own, and what kind of toys and chairs can be left on the lawn, and how many cars can be parked in front of your home and whether or not you can have a fence or garage sale.
Personally, while I find the mat mildly offensive, I find the idea of forcing him to remove it even more offensive, but then again I'd never live in an area with "strict rules" about what I may own or display on my property.
As for the "No fat chicks" mat, maybe if it hadn't been everywhere in the mid-1980's, I would be more offended now. Probably not though, as I find even the most offensive bumper stickers amusing, mostly because to put a bumper sticker on your care you have to believe that someone cares about your opinions.
Personally, while I find the mat mildly offensive, I find the idea of forcing him to remove it even more offensive, but then again I'd never live in an area with "strict rules" about what I may own or display on my property.
As for the "No fat chicks" mat, maybe if it hadn't been everywhere in the mid-1980's, I would be more offended now. Probably not though, as I find even the most offensive bumper stickers amusing, mostly because to put a bumper sticker on your care you have to believe that someone cares about your opinions.
I find it odd that I wanted to stand up and applaud.
When I was in grad school, "No Fat Chicks" signs were EVERYWHERE. One day, at a plus-size clothing shop, an extremely unattractive middle-aged man came in to buy something for his mother. He was wearing a "no fat chicks" t- shirt.
We politely helped him, and then laughed our asses off. We joked that NO chick would have him, so he really didn't have to advertise his preferences. We ended up joking about a store we might open, called "We B Fatchicks" where the door censor would be weight sensitive and would only open for weights of 200 lbs or more.
I'm not sure if there's a point to my story, but it never dawned on me to confront the guy or anyone else about offensive t-shirts, bumper stickers, unwelcome mats, or signs in their windows.
Of course, I tend not to get offended easily. I even winked once at a guy wearing a "no skinny chicks" t-shirt.
Was his t-shirt offensive? Yep, especially to skinny women, but I was in my 20's and at the time didn't care what "skinny chicks" thought, and hey, he was cute... and I've always been drawn to dark or sarcastic humor.
My husband loves wearing off-the wall, sometimes offensive t-shirts, such as "Sin like you mean it." I bought him one that reads "Come over to the Darkside, we have cookies," and another that says, "Welcome to the Darkside, we lied about the cookies." He also has an "I love my wiener" shirt with a picture of a dachshund, and a pink shirt that says "My executioner's robe is in the wash."
My favorite is "I'm big, you're small, have a nice day!"
I understand you're uncomfortable about the mat, and since you live in an area where people voluntarily give up their property rights, I suppose complaining to the governing body is every bit as appropriate as telling people what color Christmas lights they can display and how long they can display them, and what breed of dog they can own, and what kind of toys and chairs can be left on the lawn, and how many cars can be parked in front of your home and whether or not you can have a fence or garage sale.
Personally, while I find the mat mildly offensive, I find the idea of forcing him to remove it even more offensive, but then again I'd never live in an area with "strict rules" about what I may own or display on my property.
As for the "No fat chicks" mat, maybe if it hadn't been everywhere in the mid-1980's, I would be more offended now. Probably not though, as I find even the most offensive bumper stickers amusing, mostly because to put a bumper sticker on your care you have to believe that someone cares about your opinions.
I guess it's how one thinks of it. I don't find your husbands' tshorts offensive, they're meant to be funny or provocative or sarcastic but it's not at anyone's expense. I guess we all answer to the OP according to what we would do if we were in the same position I just think its unfair that heavy people have to bare the brunt of all the abuse hurled at us as if it were our fault we offend people. I wouldn't be personally offended by the door mat as I am a grown up and don't care what someone thinks of ME but on a social level I do feel responsible for standing up for people's rights to not be discriminated against so rudely and blatantly. Somebody has to say "that's not nice behavior."
It's not that the mat is offensive, and it's not about controlling other people...it's about standing up and having the balls to speak out against discriminatory statements and actions! In defense of those discriminated against and as an example for our children! I am saddened that so many of you would brush this off...what if the doormat, or the man's t-shirt had said No n-words allowed? Would you feel compelled to make your dissent known in that case? Things won't get better unless we are willing to step outside our comfort zones and stand up for what is right. You were willing to offer your opinion to the OP that her concern is petty...but you wouldn't offer your opinion to a vocal bigot that his actions are immature? It doesn't take much time or energy to simply state, "Hey, you know your doormat is pretty offensive.", I see no reason whatsoever not to. Just MO.
I guess I see it as, we have a first ammendment right to free speech. That doesn't mean I agree with everyone. It certainly doesn't mean I like what everyone says. And I by far find I disagree more than agree. But...I have the same right.
Here we are, calling this guy names. Here we are using phrases as "skinny people" when we talk about someone with out extra flubber. Some people see that jsut as hurtful as when they call us fat. Plain and simple, it is all in perspective.
Dude buddy might not have any issues with women who are a tad overweight or on the heafty side. What it it is a complete oxi-moron? What if his girlfriend is on the heavy side and he uses that door mat to show her that really, he does't care? I've know people like that. I married someone like that.
It isn't discrimination. It isn't a hate crime. It is an opinion. It only becomes more when it actively effects your life. Taking offense to a comment or a doormat doesn't fit that bill. I sympathize with OP, I really do. It sucks to feel singled out and unwelcome, I know. But sometimes, just sometimes, the whole picture isn't properly seen when we have tears in our eyes and salt in our wounds. Sometimes, what we thought was malice was actually something rather innocent.
There are three sides to every story, every fight, every offensive moment. Your side. Their side. and most importantly, the truth.
You were willing to offer your opinion to the OP that her concern is petty...but you wouldn't offer your opinion to a vocal bigot that his actions are immature?
That's kind of a good point. I wouldn't call the guy a bigot but I'm with ya sista! I would definitely call someone out on discrimination for any other group that was systematically discriminated against.
There are no petty concerns and I think when the word petty gets thrown out it can be dangerous on these threads. Nobody likes to think their concerns are petty. Sometimes it's ok to say "there are more important things in life" cause we all need a wake up call but being called petty is not fair.
I guess I see it as, we have a first ammendment right to free speech. That doesn't mean I agree with everyone. It certainly doesn't mean I like what everyone says. And I by far find I disagree more than agree. But...I have the same right.
Here we are, calling this guy names. Here we are using phrases as "skinny people" when we talk about someone with out extra flubber. Some people see that jsut as hurtful as when they call us fat. Plain and simple, it is all in perspective.
Dude buddy might not have any issues with women who are a tad overweight or on the heafty side. What it it is a complete oxi-moron? What if his girlfriend is on the heavy side and he uses that door mat to show her that really, he does't care? I've know people like that. I married someone like that.
It isn't discrimination. It isn't a hate crime. It is an opinion. It only becomes more when it actively effects your life. Taking offense to a comment or a doormat doesn't fit that bill. I sympathize with OP, I really do. It sucks to feel singled out and unwelcome, I know. But sometimes, just sometimes, the whole picture isn't properly seen when we have tears in our eyes and salt in our wounds. Sometimes, what we thought was malice was actually something rather innocent.
There are three sides to every story, every fight, every offensive moment. Your side. Their side. and most importantly, the truth.
Agree Zoesmom my DH has a sense of humor that on the surface some might find offensive ....but this is not the case!
If we spend our time looking around every corner to see a perceived slight or insult we will probably find one...whether it exists or not ...just our interpretation ...does not mean it real....just what baggage we carry with us and past hurts that paint the picture of the world around us!
I think trying to elevate everything to a level of discrimination is soo much of a reach !
There is Horrific things in the world to be outraged about and try to change.
Something's in life you have to wonder what benefit will truly be served if you confront this person...you may not know what potential danger could come out of this encounter....the person may be unbalanced .....
Did anyone hear how a neighbor took a Bulldozer to his neighbors house because he did not cut his grass! Beware of who you poke with a stick ...cuz they may get more than you bargained for...and ignite a Firestorm !
Let sleeping dogs lie!
hehehe ). 
