I wasn't sure where to put this, but I've gotta get this out, so it's landing here. I think I'm really on the verge of an anxiety attack! It might all come out a little jumbled, but I'll try to keep it clear.
I struggle with self-esteem/worth issues; always have. This weight I'm carrying and trying to lose has all come on in about 1 1/2 years. As I'm really good at punishing myself, I haven't bought myself clothes since Jan and March/April of 2011. Yup, you read that right. At that time, I was about 120-125. When I finally got motivated enough to do something about it I was 162.6.
I wore things until they were way too uncomfortable to wear and absolutely did NOT belong on my body, let alone in public. I refused to buy myself something that fit. I didn't deserve it. I needed to lose what I'd gained, then I'd have plenty of clothes. I was NOT going to reward myself for growing out of my clothes!
As of one week ago, tomorrow, I had 1 pair of very, VERY tortured pair of stretchy jeans that I could uncomfortably shove that extra 40 pounds into and wear if I had to. Of course, I had to cover them with a gigantic T-shirt or hoody that went halfway down my thighs or the rolls and camel toe (sorry) would show. And they hurt my belly.
My poor tortured jeans finally gave up. May they RIP.
I literally have not left home since they gave up on me. I was putting them on to go somewhere with a friend. I came up with an excuse not to go.
I have to go buy some jeans today. I have no choice. I've been putting it off with excuses since last Wednesday. I work myself up into a near panic attack just at the thought. I HAVE to do it! I'm already all worked up. What I really need is a whole outfit, or two, as I have some social obligations coming up. Just typing that made me nauseous.
I know, I'm an absolute freak. I even feel guilty for being so upset about my weight and the anxiety of buying clothes.
You are not a freak! I can't stand clothes shopping either! I remember shopping trips to the clothing store where nothing would fit and I would end up in tears, so frustrating!
Treat yourself to some new clothes! It is still something I am getting used to saying to myself but numbers are just that, numbers. So, if you are a size or more higher than you anticipated, it's okay. Especially in women's clothing, it can be so frustrating for clothing shopping or at least I find that because a certain size in one designer is not the same size in another! That drives me crazy!
I know how you feel, I punish myself by not buying clothes too. Also I see women having fun shopping all the time and I don't share their enthusiasm. The dressing room is a horrible place, a little box of torture where I strip down and put on clothes that don't fit, look good or look right. I feel like a clown every time I dare to think that something will look good on me. It feels like that piece of clothing is laughing at me like "did you really think I'd look good on YOU?" Anyway, I know how you feel.
It also feels bad to have to go up a size. I don't know if this helps but I'm a size 16 and sometimes it makes me feel good to shop at a plus sized store only because I fit into their smallest sizes.
For jeans try going to Coldwater Creek. I know it's kind of a granny store but they have knit jeans that are super comfortable and fit really well. I wear them until they shred
Honestly, I think you will feel a little better if you buy some clothes that fit you. No one feels good tying to shove themselves into to clothes that are too small. Try to buy some things with some stretch so they can still work when you lose some of the weight. Or go buy a wrap dress...those are unbelievably forgiving, flattering, and comfortable...you can probably pick one up at Target for $20.
It is frustrating to go up a size, but it doesn't do any good to punish yourself or hide now. The damage is done...but at least it isn't permanent. I spent many weekends hiding in my house as the pounds piled on...and if anything I think it made the problem worse.
Trying on clothes is the worst, especially when you aren't the "ideal" weight for your height...it means you have to try pretty much everything on and I don't know about anyone else but I've actually put up a pretty good sweat from time to time trying on mountains of clothes - at least I burned some calories doing it.
I hate clothes shopping. I don't buy clothes in stores any longer, I buy them online. Shirts are never a problem, but pants of course are hit and miss. My best luck has been with Lands End, I haven't gotten anything from them that didn't fit. I wish women's clothing was sold more like men's, with an actual waist and leg length measurement because it seems like the different clothing manufacturers have different ideas of what constitutes a size 16P, for example.
I shop at places like tjmax Ross and in Florida beals outlet. I can buy in outfit for under 20 if I find the right stuff. It definitely helps me with my need to shop without spending a Lot of money.
I get it. As I was going up in weight I would just jam myself into clothes that didn't fit anymore. To the point I couldn't breath in my jeans. I didn't want to admit "defeat" and buy a larger size.
You have to do it. I'm sorry, there's no way around it. As you're trying on clothes try to think of how good it will feel to shrink out of them. You can do this! The larger sizes are a temporary solution!
This may sound asinine and that isn't my intent.... But why not just order online? Simple. Returns are easy and you never have to venture into the clothing store. I don't really get the anxiety over clothing but I'm sorry it's so distressing to you, nonetheless
Maybe it's because I live in Alaska and order almost everything online, but it's an incredibly straightforward solution and the prices are usually as good or better, too.
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 04-22-2013 at 04:42 PM.
Macy's had such a good sale this weekend. I ended up bringing back the clothes I bought on sale at TJ Maxx because Macy's was cheaper (and that never happens to me). I'm going to the Goodwill to see what is on the $2.50 rack this week too---I have bought some gorgeous perfect for me clothes there, as unusual as it seems.
I hope you find a nice outfit for you soon. Once I got clothes to fit me properly, my whole outlook changed about myself. I hope you feel just as good.
I get it. As I was going up in weight I would just jam myself into clothes that didn't fit anymore.
So did I. And it didn't look good. I actually love shopping for clothes...when I'm at my happy weight of 160. I got so much happiness from it. And I got the equivalent amount of sadness when I had to buy bigger clothes. But, it's a necessary evil.
OP, try to buy cheap interim clothes. You'll feel better about yourself because you'll look better. Plus, you wouldn't have that constant I've gained weight reminer that wearing too-tight pants gives you.
I didn't do internet shopping because I honestly had no idea what size I needed and everything is different. I live in a little town, so the shopping options for me are Maurices, JCP and Wal-Mart.
I did it and I didn't faint or die! Took a friend with me. I got 2 pair of jeans!! Much smaller than I guessed! It felt so good that I treated myself to bras and panties, too. I'll try closet shopping for tops... ya never know.
Clothes Shopping. Fear. Anxiety. Panic. Guilt.
