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Old 04-17-2013, 09:11 PM   #31  
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I guess I judge a bit like Glamourgirl says, but more in the, "Don't they realize how unnatural that looks?" I get a bit distracted by all the "stuff" and am a bit fascinated by it all as it's bizzaro to me that people can go to such extremes. But, I don't think they are dumb or lazy, though, would probably consider them high maintenance as how much time would all that get up take to do?
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Old 04-17-2013, 09:15 PM   #32  
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there are lots of people who hardly ever wear makeup, and they go out in public. some wear casual ponytails. makeup and lack thereof does not indicate character, pride in appearance, or anything like that. it means i didnt feel like putting it on, or just don't want it on my skin, fat or skinny.
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Old 04-17-2013, 09:59 PM   #33  
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I really don't want this to come off as holier-than-thou. I do think being judgemental is a part of human nature. But all I can say for me, is that I used to negatively judge others for their size, looks, clothes, and what they bought. But it subsided as I grew older and a bit more mature.

That's not to say that once in awhile I'll see something that really annoys me, like the guys who wear their pants below their boxers!!! But for the most part, I just don't pay attention to people enough to criticize everything about them. I'll notice when I think someone is really pretty, or I like their outfit, or whatever. If I do notice something negative, I usually feel a little bad for noticing and think of things like maybe they had a bad day, like someone else said. Or for heavy people, I sympathize. Cause I know what its like and how hard it can be. And there was a time for all of us when we "didn't try" before we did start trying! I know how much it stings and how unfair it is to be judged on something exterior when those people don't know you!

People in PJ's at the store still annoy me sometimes too. Although one time I was visiting family out of state and googled a redbox. I went there in my pajamas because I was just going to the redbox (at 12 AM) and getting back in the car. I didn't know the redbox was actually inside walmart, and it wasn't right at the door, either. I had to parade through walmart in probably the tackiest Jammy pants I have - and I felt like a jerk. lol
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:05 PM   #34  
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I still can't wrap my head around the fact that people actually get offended/upset/disrespected at others wearing sweatpants or yoga pants to the grocery store. I mean...what? It's the GROCERY STORE...not a 5 star restaurant. The only thing I think, and usually the reason i wear sweats in public, is that these people have been exercising. But honestly, I don't really have time to consider what anyone at the grocery store is wearing.

Don't get me wrong, I am guilty of judging people too. I am more likely to initially judge someone for their weight, particularly if they are obese. I know this is extremely hypocritical and I usually nip it in the bud as quickly as possible when the thought enters my mind. I guess we all have things that we judge others for...for some reason I just can't understand caring about what others are wearing...idk. Maybe b/c I'm the girl wearing the yoga pants lol. On the other hand, I don't care if you dress up to go to the store either. Wear what you want...it doesn't affect me.
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:54 PM   #35  
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I struggle with the idea that some people think it is disrespectful to others not to maintain a certain level of appearance. I mean...I have to ask those of you that think that...what are the standards? The guidelines if you will, that would allow someone to walk by you unnoticed as opposed to offending you with their presence? That probably sounds snarky, but that's not how I mean it, I want to know what specific things would be considered disrespectful.
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Old 04-17-2013, 11:22 PM   #36  
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http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Fi...o_3_launch.jpg

How about this guy?

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Old 04-18-2013, 12:32 AM   #37  
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Haha...I've actually never seen him so dressed-down!
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Old 04-18-2013, 12:55 AM   #38  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lecomtes View Post
what are the standards? The guidelines if you will, that would allow someone to walk by you unnoticed as opposed to offending you with their presence?
I wouldn't go as far to say I get offended, but rather experience a second of annoyance.

Pajamas. And not yoga pants, sweat pants, etc. I mean clothes specifically manufactured to be worn to bed.

Clothes that do not fit properly and expose private parts. For example booty shorts with the bottom of your butt cheeks hanging out of them.

Bathing suits if you're nowhere near the vicinity of a beach or pool. Can't you put on a cover up?

Wearing stilettos to places like amusement parks.

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Old 04-18-2013, 01:27 AM   #39  
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Anyway, this thread seems to be getting slightly off topic to my original post. To be more clear, I wasn’t upset at the woman at the grocery store for what she was wearing. If anything I felt empathetic. I felt like she looked the way she did because she wasn’t happy with herself. She was lacking self-worth.

In hindsight I realized I was projecting my insecurities on to her. I’ve been in that place where I just really didn’t care about me anymore. I just gave up on losing weight and became indifferent to everything. In turn that affected my appearance because I wasn’t taking the time to look my best. For me personally looking nice makes me feel good about myself.

Remember the main character in My Big Fat Greek Wedding? In the beginning she wasn’t happy and she called herself Frump Girl. Then as the movie progressed and she gained more self-worth she started to wear cute dresses and fix her hair? That is kind of how I felt. Before when I was lackadaisical about life I was Frump girl.

So when I saw that woman at the grocery store I saw frump girl, and I wanted to help bring her over to the light. By the way this all happened in a matter of seconds. I wasn’t obsessing about this woman the entire time I was in the store despite it seeming that way.

Later I realized how judgmental I had been. I didn’t know anything about this woman. And I thought to myself, if I am so quick to judge her, how can I seriously expect someone not to judge me?

Someday I hope to get to the point where I really don’t care what other people think, but I am not quite there yet. Still a work in progress.
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Old 04-18-2013, 01:43 AM   #40  
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Oh, I see! I misunderstood. I can relate to that as I don't really much care for seeing a strangers behind either. I have to admit I probably wouldn't go out in PJs unless I was headed to the ER. Seems like most everybody judges/projects sometimes, I'm no exception...I guess I just tend to project onto women that seem hyper-concerned with appearance...having been the opposite for much of my life. I suppose we are all works in progress! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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Old 04-18-2013, 07:31 AM   #41  
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I'm the opposite. The less self confident I feel, the more I dress up.

Pretty much every single weekend, I stop at the grocery store on way home from my long run. Last Sat I stopped on my way home from a 5k, complete with my race bib still on. LOL
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Old 04-18-2013, 07:51 AM   #42  
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It's interesting how we talk about "pride" in our appearance.

My sister is significantly overweight. She spends about 1-2 hours a day with makeup, hair, etc... (she is a hairdresser and only 20, appearances are everything to he, and yes she does spend all this time, I've seen it). She said to me once, how come you just throw your hair up in a ponytail like that??? I said to her - how come you spend 1-2 hours on your hair and makeup and not in a gym?? [Sisters can be mean to each other, can't we??? I had given birth a few days before, forgive me for my snapiness]

And I think a lot of people would feel the same way. Pride in WHAT, exactly??? So, before we judge people for not having 'pride' in their appearance, it is important to remember that perhaps they feel the same way about us when we are overweight.

Not saying either one is right or wrong (I would say BOTH are wrong), but it's a good reminder about how we need to keep our ego in check.

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Old 04-18-2013, 08:50 AM   #43  
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When I see someone in pajamas at the grocery I store I think "she's definitely american" because in Eruope that would never happen. I wouldn't say I am offended by pajamas but I do have a chuckle.

To me, putting yourself together exhibits a sort of pride. In NYC this doesn't happen very much because people are fashion-conscious. Being "put together" does not mean you have to wear make up, or spend a lot of money on clothes. It means put yourself together!!! I've seen women with no money take pride in their appearance and I very much respect that. How awful must one feel to leave their house as they've rolled out of bed? I think things like "don't you have an iron?" or "doesn't someone love you enough to tell you that you have a stain on your shirt?" Sorry, but if you're not wearing shoes you will get judged some awfully harsh things, that's how life is. Remember Britney Spears with no shoes at a gas station? There were some choice words that were used in the press and we're all thinking them!

That said, I've spent many a days crying in my closet because nothing fit, nothing looked right and I couldn't bare the thought of having to leave the house. Those are the days that I pull out my spandex and long shirt and try to hide behind bad hair and flip flops. There's no amount of make up that can hide my sense of low self esteem at that moment. It' tricky, I don't want to try too hard but I don't want to be a slob either. Whatever way I dress I think "What am I saying about myself with this outfit?"

Effort or lack of effort shows.

Last edited by Palestrina; 04-18-2013 at 08:52 AM.
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Old 04-18-2013, 10:13 AM   #44  
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As someone who used to be very appearance conscious and then gained a ton of weight and stopped caring altogether, I can see both sides. I won't pretend that I don't see someone and make a snap judgment but it never goes further than that moment. And I'm very aware that you never know what's going on in someone's life. I remember walking through the grocery store after my dear grandmother passed and stopping behind a group of younger women. I wasn't even paying them any attention but one of them said to the other, "Let's move and get out of her way"...the other one started going on and on (in a ridiculously loud voice) that I should say excuse me if I wanted to get by. It was so unnecessary so I just smiled and kept walking. I wasn't in any rush...I had a lot on my mind but her immediate impulse was to attack me rather than to have any kind of compassion.

The lesson that I'm going to take away from this thread is to smile at people more, stop rushing to judgment when I see people out and about and try to live my life with a little more compassion and kindness.
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Old 04-18-2013, 10:49 AM   #45  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny View Post
I've seen women with no money take pride in their appearance and I very much respect that.....
I wonder if your version of "no money" and mine are different? Because for me growing up, no money meant shop lifting food a few times. When you are that poor, you don't have $ to replace the jeans with holes and shirts with stains. I will say around 19 years old was the last time I stole clothes. After that, I started utilizing churches and thrift stores, and I learned to sew to stitch holes, but stains are stains. Because when you are washing clothes with dish soap in a bathtub, its hard to get those stains out! I remember when I was in high school I had one pair of sneakers I wore until the soles literally peeled off....I "borrowed" nail glue and glued the soles back on... I said in one of my responses (don't know if you read them) but I am very picky about being CLEAN, showered, hair clean, shaved (although when I was younger I couldn't always afford razors, but now, always shaved, teeth brushed, face clean, clean clothes, but beyond that I don't care if my clothes have stains or holes, or if my shoes are old and falling apart. I have more than enough money to dress nice, but I just don't see the point in spending the time and money to so people I don't know can make a positive judgment about me when I already feel good about myself without their approval ...anyway I'm thinking you and I have completely different ideas of no money. I have friends now that think of "no money" as can only shop at walmart for clothes...no money means there really is NO shopping, at all, and things you do have eventually get worn and old.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny View Post
How awful must one feel to leave their house as they've rolled out of bed?
.
And I think just the opposite. How awful must one feel that they have to get dressed up so complete strangers approve of their appearance? If someone felt good about themselves, why would they need to make themself look good for other people?

I get if you go out on a date, you want to look good for your husband/bf/so. When hubby and I go out, I'll dress nice and do hair and make up, becaus I *do* want him to think I look good. But how low is ones self esteem that they need that positive reinforcement from others about their appearance? Especially strangers?! I will say I do not feel attractive now (pregnant, blah) but when I'm not pregnant, especially when I've lost all the baby weight after my prengnancies, I know I can dress up and look amazing, put on make up and look beautiful...I don't need to do it everyday to know I look good. I don't need Joe Shmoe at the gorcery store to be like "damn she looks good"" to feel good about myself.

People say they get dressed up (hair make up- nice clothes) because they feel good about themselves... but I feel good about myself regardless. Like when I was running (god I can't wait to get back to it after this baby!!) I felt like a freaking queen, not just when I was running but later that day, and where ever I went. If I got up and ran 7 miles that morning, I felt great about myself all day. The people at walmart didn't know I'd run that morning, and I didn't need them to know to make me feel good. I think the same about appearance. If you know you look good, and you feel good about yuorself, then you can go out in stained shirts, PJ bottoms and sandals, with your hair in a bun, because you *know* you're all that and it doesn't matter if the people at walmart don't see that...just like if they didn't see me run that 7 mile loop. I'm still loving who I am!



P.S. I'm really picking on walmart!! Haha, I also sho at target.

Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 04-18-2013 at 10:50 AM.
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