Sure, it is their rules, but you also need boundaries. My mother in law lives with us. We pay for all the food. Now, she has her own money, but I prepare all the food. For things that we all know is "community", it's fair game - apples, milk, yogurt, cheese, orange juice, etc. No need to ask as everyone knows that is for everyone.
But we also know there are specialty things. I buy protein shakes and bars for myself. my husband and kids and MIL know these are MINE. Doesn't mean I won't share, but they need to ask first because for me, these are a staple and something I NEED to have around as a safe snack. if we all decide we all want them, they can be moved to the "family" thing, but for now, they have other alternatives they can eat. I don't. So, out of respect for me and my needs, they don't eat up my specialty foods.
My mother in law also buys snacks for just herself - coffee nibs, biscotti, etc. She doesn't ask me to buy them as only she would eat them. We know these are hers. If we ask, sure, she would share, but we know these are hers for her special treat.
Same with the kids - they have goldfish crackers and their favorite bread. We don't eat those because they are special for them and the kids would be upset if their "go to" is gone.
It's called common courtesy. We don't open other people's mail. We don't go into other people's bedrooms, etc without respecting their privacy. That includes my teenager son's room.
So, I think that Lauren is being mature here. She didn't ask her parents to buy a specialty snack JUST FOR HER. She knew that would be selfish to expect her parents to buy her something just for her. She would share if asked, but it would be a courtesy to ask. NOW... if she had asked her parents to buy it and they bought it and then Lauren got all snooty - totally different, but it's just showing respect - it goes both ways - adults to children and children to adults.
I think you are misunderstanding what i mean by 'rules'. I don't mean her father is going to be a dictator. I mean that if he buys all the food in the house and she has not yet asked him nicely to leave her diet food to her for her special reasons, and its his house, when he goes to his fridge and sees a popsickle why shouldn't he have a popsickle? If I had to work all day to pay for all the things everyone needs and then be told off for having a popsickle? I would rethink my arrangements with my child. If that child came to me and was like hey mom I'm on this diet and I really dig popsickles but since they are special popsickles I am buying them myself would you mind if only I had them? Ok cool but maybe invest in your own fridge so I don't get confused and can carefreefully take what I want from the fridge I payed for. I'd even arrange odd jobs that child could do to raise money for its own fridge. But I'd also expect that child to be paying some of the rent and utilities after they hit 20. Thats me. Thats my opinion and thats how I'd raise my children. I'd want them to learn fiscal responsibility and hard work early on and I'd want to give them that sense of independance
But I feel like y'all are shaming me for still living at home. I'm just trying to save my money so I actually CAN live on my own. I don't know anyone that I can roommate with right now, so if I move out I'll be totally alone and I can't afford to live by myself; I probably could afford it if I had a roommate. There are cheap places to live around here but they're in really bad parts of town that I don't feel comfortable living in by myself. So, if I want a safe place to live, then I have to stay home for a little while so I can afford to live somewhere and not be worried about getting shot. If my parents are not rushing me to get out and care enough about me to take care of me until I get to a point to where I can be totally independent, why shouldn't I take advantage of that? I'm very fortunate and grateful for everything they do for me; I know not everyone has that kind of deal and it is wrong of me to gripe about something so insignificant like a box of popsicles. But ya know, not everyone that lives at home with their parents is a bum. I wish people would stop assuming that. =/
Mimsy, I don't think anyone is trying to shame you. It's a different economy today and many kids -- some a lot older than you that carry along spouses and children -- have been forced to move back in with their parents. In other cultures, this is considered to be the norm. And when I read your paragraph I was thinking that you'd realized that ranting over a box of popsicles was pretty immature. Right up till I read the sentence that ends in: "why shouldn't I take advantage of that?" Because your parents aren't there for you to "take advantage of." Because at a minimum you should be paying them rent. Now, do any of us think you're a bum? Well, I know I don't. Do I think you're immature and have a LOT of growing up to do? Yes. But we've all been through that stage of life.
NOW... if she had asked her parents to buy it and they bought it and then Lauren got all snooty - totally different, but it's just showing respect - it goes both ways - adults to children and children to adults.
Yeah, but to me -- the quote above says it all. Adults to children, children to adults. Remember that OP is an ADULT. In my opinion, staying in your parents' home once you reach the age of adulthood perpetuates your role as a child. Off topic to the original rant, but reading those words summed up my feelings on the living situation. Not shaming, just saying.
I think when people live together, especially families, they are bound to get frustrated and annoyed with each other at some point. Sometimes, things are said that shouldn't be & have to be apologized for. That's what happened with Lauren & her dad & she acknowledged that. I think it's time to move on now.
I'm not sure how old you are but maybe if you're going to buy a treat for yourself, buy something for him too? Buy him some regular popsicles and keep the SF for yourself and tell him that's what you've done.
Ok, I haven't read all of the responses yet, but here are my thoughts:
You parents share all of their food with you, and I'm assuming that you have full access to anything in the kitchen. It isn't unreasonable for your dad to help himself to some of your treats.
That being said, I get how frustrating it is when you make a special effort to get healthy "diet" food for yourself, and then someone else goes to town on it, gobbling up every last bite and leaving you nothing - that is so frustrating! My DH does it with pineapple; I'm the one who goes through the trouble of preparing it (cutting off the outside "skin," coring it, chopping it up into bite sized pieces, putting it away in a tupper in the fridge, you get the picture), but he's the one who eats most of it. It wouldn't be a big deal but I'll spend 20 minutes preparing the gosh darn thing and he'll eat 3/4 of it in less than an afternoon (not an exaggeration, I swear) and it makes me feel downright hostile!
I think sometimes when we're making a conscious effort to make better choices and restrict our food intake we can feel deprived, and then when the treat that we make room for turns out to be eaten by someone who doesn't have to think about and plan their every bite, we get a little protective of our "special" food.
All in all, I think it just comes with the territory of dieting (lifestyle change) and living with others.
Didnt read all the responses, but I think you were rude telling him that "you got it with your own money" I think that was the issue.
I think you should apologize to him for trowing the whole "I paid it with my money" thing. After all you are living in their place for free and you shouldn't wait for them to tell you to chip in with some money, you should do it on your own. It will get you ready for the real world.
If you dont want to share, buy yourself a mini fridge from Craiglists and keep it in your room.
It's 100% annoying that someone you live with doesn't respect your food boundaries. It is also 100% guaranteed that it could be worse! LOL You could be living in a crappy, 400 square foot studio (WITH a roommate), paying all your own bills, etc, and STILL have your Popsicles eaten!
This type of issue has come up in your house before, and the answer remains the same....shape up or ship out. Suck it up or move on.
Whine, whine, whiny whine. What is this...Millennium generation? I forget....but grow up. You might very well have to find a roommate YOU DON'T KNOW. Gasp! You might have to interview strangers and pick the one least likely to be an ax murderer. You think it sucks with the Popsicles??
The fact that you actually stated that you are willingly taking advantage of the situation speaks volumes. Heavens forbid if you, or any other entitled youth, feels UNCOMFORTABLE for any period of time. What if your apartment is by the train tracks and they go past every night at 1am? Nooooooooo! Call your Congressman! What is you have to WALK DOWN THE STREET to drop off your garbage?? What if...you have to fill random temp jobs to make rent one month? For shame!! How would you possibly go on with such a life?!?
The great thing about struggles is that they make for great life experiences and stories! You might meet your best friend for life at a temp job. You might make amazing job contacts at the local park, chatting with other people getting fresh air to avoid the suspicious smell coming from the next apartment.... Maybe one of them has an amazing opportunity. Maybe, just maybe, your might develop a DEEPER CHARACTER that will reap a lifetime of benefits.
Stop holding your parents emotionally hostage. You, and them, are missing out on the natural development of an adult relationship....that amazing transition from parent/child to adults.
The reason these issues keep coming up....is because you need to remedy the larger problem.
ETA: And MOVE OUT!!!! College grad should NOT sponge off her parents any longer. They already paid $100K for your education.
I thought I read through all of Lauren's posts on this thread... Where does she say that her parents paid for her education? Are you assuming this? My parents sure as $#it didn't pay for mine. I had to take out student loans and work and pay my own way. I wouldn't be surprised if Lauren did too. She's also continuing her education (grad school), and from the sounds of it she's not looking to start her career until afterwards. From other posts she's written I know that she has a job. If her parents are happy to have her living at home until she's finished with school and she's working to pay for her own things, I think it's a little harsh to say she's "sponging" off her parents. Not everyone needs to be booted out of the door as soon as they hit that magical number... 18!
Missy KrissyI left home when I was 18 and never went back. I put myself through undergrad and grad school (with a child)... yup anyone above the age of 20 is sponging off their parents. -- Contradicting myself a bit; I have two kids who want to be doctors and I am paying for their education...BUT they do not live home after HS! If they were to come back, after I paid their education or even if they paid their own education, I would not let them sponge off me. -- After college one should be an adult, IMHO.
Missy Krissy you just made me really sad Today's youth take no responsibility. I may be old (45...lol) but I could not in million years make my parents be responsible for me...what is the age of independence...obviously not 18...22? 25? 28? 35??? Today's kids feel that they can mouth off at their parents at the age of 10 but not be independent until 35...sheesh! Thankfully not my kids, they have been raised different. They both started working at the age of 14. They are respectful what comes to elders. They love their grandparents. And they definitely don't take their med school fees paid by their parents for granted. They know exactly how hard their dad works for that!!!
Missy Krissy you just made me really sad Today's youth take no responsibility. I may be old (45...lol) but I could not in million years make my parents be responsible for me...what is the age of independence...obviously not 18...22? 25? 28? 35??? Today's kids feel that they can mouth off at their parents at the age of 10 but not be independent until 35...sheesh! Thankfully not my kids, they have been raised different. They both started working at the age of 14. They are respectful what comes to elders. They love their grandparents. And they definitely don't take their med school fees paid by their parents for granted. They know exactly how hard their dad works for that!!!
This is just my thoughts. I do think Mimsy was being a little immature about the popsicle situation. She has acknowledged that and I think people should stop harping on her. She asked if she was in the wrong, she now understands why it's "wrong" or at least try to see it from her father's perspective. Now, I know she brought it up but I really don't see why it's right to ridicule anyone for their living situation. I'm 23 and have been on my own and financially independent since 18. I do think people use the "tough economy" excuse a little more than they should. But I, nor you, nor anyone is perfect or knows the perfect way to be or perfect way to life. If her parents and her have an agreement for how long she can stay with them, thats their business. And to say she is sponging may not be a technical insult, but it sure comes off that way. I do think she needs a little more growing up to do in regards to seeing the bigger picture... because she uses phrases like "why shouldn't I take advantage of that?" with no hesitation. (no offense mimsy)
In the end, she made a silly mistake out of irritation and it has now turned into a debate on her living arrangements with her parents...
The OP has received quite a bit of advice on this topic, so I'm going to agree with JohnP's suggestion that she talk to her dad and close this thread now.
Today's youth take no responsibility. I may be old (45...lol) but I could not in million years make my parents be responsible for me...what is the age of independence...obviously not 18...22? 25? 28? 35??? Today's kids feel that they can mouth off at their parents at the age of 10 but not be independent until 35...sheesh! Thankfully not my kids, they have been raised different. They both started working at the age of 14. They are respectful what comes to elders. They love their grandparents. And they definitely don't take their med school fees paid by their parents for granted. They know exactly how hard their dad works for that!!!
