Sorry mims, some people from previous generations are a bit presumptuous and rude toward young adults trying to get ahead in this **** economy. They have no idea what your circumstances are like, so don't let their "When I was a kid I had to walk 5000 miles in the snow." attitude get you down, they just don't understand the unique struggles facing this generation. Just as we can never fully understand the struggles they faced. Obviously your dad eating all the popsicles is no biggie and he deserves your respect, you seem totally aware of that...so you don't deserve to be called immature for venting your frustrations here in a healthy way. Peace.
Our oldest lived with us until just recently. If she bought something with her own money, I wouldn't eat it and made sure her brother and sister didn't either. Her dad makes the money and I buy the groceries, but what she bought wasn't community food unless she indicated it was.
I do agree that you could have handled the situation better.
It probably had something to do with the economy being a lot better back then, lol. Now, it seems like if you don't live in a major city and/or graduate college with a degree in a STEM field, then you get to work retail unless you go to grad school because apparently people don't give a crap if you can write an essay in today's world. That's what it seems like, anyway.
This was to newleaf; y'all replied quicker than I could type that, lol.
Last edited by mimsyborogoves; 04-14-2013 at 10:34 PM.
Does your dad actually care about low cal? I found that hwne I had roomates, sometimes they'd want my things because they wanted a delicious treat. They didn't realize how expensive some of the lower cal special treats were. To fix this, I'd pick up a box of whatever really sinful treat was on sale (you can get full fat ice cream popls for like $1 a box). That way, I would say "hey, look at these delicious things you can eat" and preserve my more expensive treats.
It probably had something to do with the economy being a lot better back then, lol. Now, it seems like if you don't live in a major city and/or graduate college with a degree in a STEM field, then you get to work retail unless you go to grad school because apparently people don't give a crap if you can write an essay in today's world. That's what it seems like, anyway.
This was to newleaf; y'all replied quicker than I could type that, lol.
I don't know because I remember that the job market really sucked then, too. We were all graduating with liberal arts degrees (I was theoretical math), and it was those damn electrical engineers getting all the newly emerging high tech jobs. I remember my sister, with an English degree from an Ivy League, starting out as basically a secretary. Although one difference is that we all expected to be able to find office jobs, which definitely doesn't seem to be the case today. In fact, I just bumped into our old babysitter who graduated college a couple of years ago. She was working the register at a new coffee shop. Smart girl. Music major. Probably not a lot of jobs out there.
Anyway... I always enjoy your posts. *I care* that you write well, and I know that there are good things out there for you. You're fortunate to have a nice home and a mom & dad that love you; I'm sure they're people that I would want to be friends with if I knew them.
The only shame I see is how Some...Adult children feel it is their God given right to verbally be disrespectful to their parents or their spouses parents or SO parents.
It is repulsive to see grown people acting petty over insignificant issues.
These days it just seems parents are not given the proper respect,yet adult children are quick to point out the littlest slight that comes their way.
Parents have feelings too!
How do you expect your parents or others to be open and honest if everything is such a big deal. Everything in life is not that serious.
Stressing over everything is bad for the Brain and it is not a healthy thing to do !
It is not just what you are putting into your body ....it is also having positive thoughts and behavior and compassion that nutures the body and soul.
If you feel people are trying to shame you about living at home...maybe it is you are reading something into this that is not there ...IMO.
I am so tired of people wasting time with their families over silly things, instead of cherishing the blessings of having their parents in there life.
Enjoy life today.....tomorrow is not a guarenteed
Roo2
It's not so much about the popsicles as it is my dad's lack of consideration for other people. He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to whoever he wants with no regard, but if we do the same thing then we're disrespectful. It's really frustrating.
Quoting this because I think some people missed it. The issue was never really a popsicle, people. Ease up.
Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves
It's not so much about the popsicles as it is my dad's lack of consideration for other people. He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to whoever he wants with no regard, but if we do the same thing then we're disrespectful. It's really frustrating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keep Moving Forward
Quoting this because I think some people missed it. The issue was never really a popsicle, people. Ease up.
That's the joys of owning your own home and paying all the bills. If people don't like it, they can move out. I personally can't stand some of the things my parents do, but when I live with them, I keep my trap shut since its their house. There has to be a trade off. You trade your vote and authority in for savings and free room/board.
Eating your stuff without regard for your feelings is disrespectful. It doesn't sound to me like you're unwilling to share it just sounds like he eats whatever he wants, as much as he wants, when ever he wants, regardless.
If your dad wants you to contribute financially to the household he should tell you that. Allowing you to be a free loader doesn't give him free reign over your belongings, even if those belongings are edible.
Although you rarely seem to take my suggestions I'll give you another one. You should talk to your dad, (not your mom) and ask how he feels about you being a free loader, and that he needs to respect your stuff and feelings. Be an adult and work it out with him.
Amen to what Candeka said. It's got little to do with judgment for still living at home. I have not lived with my parents since college, but I have a lot of friends that had to move back in and deal with the same stuff you describe. That's the reality. But the other reality is that it's your parents' home. It's wonderful and and generous of them to be supporting you still and not asking for anything in return.
You're entitled to feel frustration about popsicles or other examples where you see your dad having free rein ("whatever he wants, whenever he wants") and you not having that same ability, but I don't think you're entitled to expect anything different than that. If you eat his groceries without contributing to household expenses, imagine how he feels - having laid all that out, and having done that through your entire life - when you voice objection to him having pennies' worth of your food.
I say this with kindness; not a "suck it up and stop whining, just be grateful for what you've got" admonition. But you really do need to try to put it in perspective. I'm sure you're frustrated and feel disempowered in your current situation and that truly is tough. Let it catalyze you to action. In the mean time, how wonderful that your parents are in a position to even help. That's not the case for a lot of struggling college grads.
I'm not trying to shame you for still living at home. To me it falls into the "kids today..." category. I don't understand it, but I know its what a lot of young adults do. Which is so funny to me because when I was your age, we all couldn't WAIT to move out of our parents' houses. As soon as we graduated college (1987) and found a job, we were out on our own. It's what we wanted, and it's what our parents expected. I know that's not the way it is anymore, although its definitely the expectation my DH and I are trying to instill in our sons (ages 12 & 14).
XD its not all kids today, I couldn't wait to get out of my parents house either! The freedom! omg the freedom. Its amazing. OP will be amazed when she lives on her own at how awesome being on your own and living a full adult life is. It has its issues sure but it is awesome to be independant.
Sorry mims, some people from previous generations are a bit presumptuous and rude toward young adults trying to get ahead in this **** economy. They have no idea what your circumstances are like, so don't let their "When I was a kid I had to walk 5000 miles in the snow." attitude get you down, they just don't understand the unique struggles facing this generation. Just as we can never fully understand the struggles they faced. Obviously your dad eating all the popsicles is no biggie and he deserves your respect, you seem totally aware of that...so you don't deserve to be called immature for venting your frustrations here in a healthy way. Peace.
I'm 25. I moved out years ago and I worked. I went to school. I got my own place. I pay rent and my own bills and still go to school. I didn't come from a rich family, I did it on my own. Its not just the older generation. I'm from the same generation as you guys and I did it. You can make it work. But besides that its the Op and her parents decision about her life. But I think the popsickle situation is just foolishness. He pays for everything and its his place, if you want your own rules get your own place.
Last edited by CherryQuinn; 04-15-2013 at 09:47 AM.
I don't know where you all live - but MOST of the college grads move back home around here or have to live with 3-4 people post college graduation even if they find a job. Pay is horrible. Finding full time is very difficult. and rents are crazy high.
In my area? even in far out burbs? A one bedroom PLAIN, nothing fancy apt. is 1200-1500 a month. That's not counting utilities. Then there's transportation costs, etc.
Pay around here, You'll work 30-35 hours a week at $10 an hour (maybe. If you're lucky) at a college degree needed job and so what does that bring you a month pre-taxes? $1200 to $1500 a month.
Ok, got a 3 bedroom apt. and rent it with three friends. Now it's $2000 a month rent, divided by 3, so about $700 a month with utilities. Then, one roommate moves out to move in with a boyfriend. And you have to somehow make up the payments until you find another roommate. That roommate sucks, etc.
So.... kids move back home. It's safer and easier.... it doesn't make them free-loaders.
Now, did I ever move back home? No... I was on my own finnancially since I was 18, but do I expect the same from my kids? Nope. Different world. Different circumstances. It doesn't mean the kids are free loading and disrespectful. MOST of these kids HATE having to move back home.
I don't know where you all live - but MOST of the college grads move back home around here or have to live with 3-4 people post college graduation even if they find a job. Pay is horrible. Finding full time is very difficult. and rents are crazy high.
In my area? even in far out burbs? A one bedroom PLAIN, nothing fancy apt. is 1200-1500 a month. That's not counting utilities. Then there's transportation costs, etc.
Pay around here, You'll work 30-35 hours a week at $10 an hour (maybe. If you're lucky) at a college degree needed job and so what does that bring you a month pre-taxes? $1200 to $1500 a month.
Ok, got a 3 bedroom apt. and rent it with three friends. Now it's $2000 a month rent, divided by 3, so about $700 a month with utilities. Then, one roommate moves out to move in with a boyfriend. And you have to somehow make up the payments until you find another roommate. That roommate sucks, etc.
So.... kids move back home. It's safer and easier.... it doesn't make them free-loaders.
Now, did I ever move back home? No... I was on my own finnancially since I was 18, but do I expect the same from my kids? Nope. Different world. Different circumstances. It doesn't mean the kids are free loading and disrespectful. MOST of these kids HATE having to move back home.
Regardless of why you move back home, once you're back there its your parents home and if they pay for everything (as in you don't contribute to the mortgage or utilities or food bill) then its their rules. I understand in some countries like America people have a bad economy and have no other choice but why not help out your parents? And if you can't just respect that its their home and their rules and let them have a popsickle :P its a popsickle . Hes not asking for a cavier and lobster dinner.
Regardless of why you move back home, once you're back there its your parents home and if they pay for everything (as in you don't contribute to the mortgage or utilities or food bill) then its their rules. I understand in some countries like America people have a bad economy and have no other choice but why not help out your parents? And if you can't just respect that its their home and their rules and let them have a popsickle :P its a popsickle . Hes not asking for a cavier and lobster dinner.
No, I don't agree with that at all.
Sure, it is their rules, but you also need boundaries. My mother in law lives with us. We pay for all the food. Now, she has her own money, but I prepare all the food. For things that we all know is "community", it's fair game - apples, milk, yogurt, cheese, orange juice, etc. No need to ask as everyone knows that is for everyone.
But we also know there are specialty things. I buy protein shakes and bars for myself. my husband and kids and MIL know these are MINE. Doesn't mean I won't share, but they need to ask first because for me, these are a staple and something I NEED to have around as a safe snack. if we all decide we all want them, they can be moved to the "family" thing, but for now, they have other alternatives they can eat. I don't. So, out of respect for me and my needs, they don't eat up my specialty foods.
My mother in law also buys snacks for just herself - coffee nibs, biscotti, etc. She doesn't ask me to buy them as only she would eat them. We know these are hers. If we ask, sure, she would share, but we know these are hers for her special treat.
Same with the kids - they have goldfish crackers and their favorite bread. We don't eat those because they are special for them and the kids would be upset if their "go to" is gone.
It's called common courtesy. We don't open other people's mail. We don't go into other people's bedrooms, etc without respecting their privacy. That includes my teenager son's room.
So, I think that Lauren is being mature here. She didn't ask her parents to buy a specialty snack JUST FOR HER. She knew that would be selfish to expect her parents to buy her something just for her. She would share if asked, but it would be a courtesy to ask. NOW... if she had asked her parents to buy it and they bought it and then Lauren got all snooty - totally different, but it's just showing respect - it goes both ways - adults to children and children to adults.
Last edited by berryblondeboys; 04-15-2013 at 10:14 AM.
