You need to give yourself some credit for doing really well!
I think it's good you are prepared to be there to help her 'when she feels she is ready' 'letting go' of the situation is the only solution - she is obviously not as motivated and determined as you - and that's OK she's probably not in the same frame of mind/attitude to make the changes yet.
Consider being your own exercise 'buddy' or 'trainer' - this will help you focus on what you want to achieve and be an awesome example for others (including your sis).
Thanks everyone for the advice As many have said, I can only change myself and that's the plan. I've been sticking to my routine and doing what I need to do while counting my time with Buddha Sis as extra credit. I know that soon enough (as history shows) she'll stop wanting to walk and I'll be back to "lone wolfing" it as usual. We just don't make good exercise buddies, never had, and probably never will as we are two completely different personalities. Like I said, I hate the idea of leaving her alone, but she has to work this out on her own for the time being.
@ GlamourGirl827: I know she was pregnant at the time and has just had a baby - I don't fault her for that. I understand that women get slower as their lungs are compressed, the hips widened, tendons loosen, etc. so I never expected her to be running marathons at 8 months along haha. She asked to join my routine, I never invited her out. As I didn't want to demotivate her, I said yes and never showed my annoyance, just walked with so she'd feel like she was doing something productive. The comment to "challenge herself" was made early on when the 9 pound chunky monkey was just a poppy seed and I thought that maybe we could walk faster than 1 mph. She was the one pushing for results, but then didn't want to change anything.
When it comes to her weight gain, it doesn't bother me. It's her body not mine. I wasn't invested in her results nor did I have any expectations. What bothered me was her disconnect with reality - 35 years old, pregnant, no real exercise, continued to eat junk all day long, and then would get upset when the scale went up. But that's always been Buddha Sis's approach pregnant or not - do nothing but expect maximum results and when you don't get them in a week have a freak out.
Now that the baby is here, I've tried to tell her that she needs to sit down and really look at this if it's going to work. She needs to look at her available time, meal plans, etc. but she doesn't want to. She prefers to wing it, not really changing anything, and then gets upset when results aren't forthcoming. That's what irritates me. Also, I make no demands on her time now that she has the baby, and I never did before. I've left it up to her to contact me when she wants to do something. And when it comes to jogging, I wasn't asking her to jog with me. I made the comment in conversation that it was one of MY goals to take up jogging, never suggesting she do it, and she just responded with a cocky, "Don't jog or run, never have, never will." I could care less if she takes up jogging or not, it's just that attitude of "if it's harder than strolling then forget it, I'm not doing it ever" that bothers me.
When it comes to the "fupa" situation (that's what she called it), she said herself that her abs split durning pregnancy and created the protrusion. Yes, she does have fat and loose skin that can be managed but she still has the split abs that cardio isn't going to fix. As a nurse she know this, but wants nothing to do with the strength training that could help fix it. I'm not trying to discouraging her, I'm reminding her about what she said, and trying to get her to look at it realistically: walking 1 mph, 1 to 2 days a week isn't going to fix nothing be it fat, skin, or split muscle.
Patient with me? Sorry but I'm not the one crying all the time that I need to get in shape but then continue to eat junk food, refuse to exercise constructively, set unrealistic (almost magical) goals, blow off all and any advice, and then get upset when things don't change. She is free to dump me at any time as she is the one who wanted to join my routine but not actually do anything :P In the end it's just Buddha Sis being Buddha Sis as usual.
In the end, all I can do is step back and do my thing. I can't motivate her if she isn't willing to motivate herself in some way. This is something she's going to have to work out on her own.
I admire you! I walk alone. Period. Friends are always trying to join me, but I just get frustrated because they walk a lot slower pace than I do. I walk very fast (4-4.3 mph) and my hubby is the only one who can keep up with me. -- What I've learned; each time a new friend wants to join me, I keep my pace up and they don't come back Why should I sacrifice my exercise routine when someone else is forcing their way in??
Like I said; I admire your patience. BUT remember, you need to take care of yourself first. It is not your responsibility to train others and lower your goals.
@ Sum38: Wow, you are hauling it! I average about 3.5 most days. I'd have to jog to keep up with you hahaha. I've found the only one who can keep up with me is my other nephew, the 19 year old. He's a pretty good exercise buddy as he's open to new things and always wants to do more. We can't go out together all the time but when we do it's a good walk. The only draw back: At 27 and 19 people think we are dating. Get it all the time. YUCK! :P
.do nothing but expect maximum results and when you don't get them in a week have a freak out
I agree. I'm a very disciplined planner and I am very clued into what I'm doing that affects my results. I'm like this in all areas of my life, and people like you described in this sentence drive me batty. I have a friend that does NOTHING to improve her life and whines about how she has a low paying job and its too hard and too expensive to buy a house in our state. But she won't do anything about it. She can't apply herself to school AT ALL. She hasn't taken a class since highschool. She acts like good luck is why my husband and I are doing well, and not years of dedication and hard work for a college degree in a lucrative field. She's like this in a lot of areas in her life, just acts like she doesn't know why her life sucks, and yet does nothing to grab the bull by the horns and fix it. I can understand how frustrating that is.
My point was only that I'm assuming you've never been pregnant since you didn't say you were after I asked, and your original rant was pretty condemning of her lack of motivation and movement during a time when motivation goes out the window for lots of women.
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Originally Posted by Buddha Gal
.The comment to "challenge herself" was made early on when the 9 pound chunky monkey was just a poppy seed and I thought that maybe we could walk faster than 1 mph
This is something someone would say whose never been pregnant. The first trimester is often the worst energy-wise for most women. I'm applauding your friend for walking at all. I spent my frist trimester with all my kids either over a toilet vomiting or sleeping in my spare time. I did work with my first two, and I felt like death. I was constently running to the bathroom to throw up and I'd fall asleep as soon as I got home and sleep until the next day. This time I am not working, and I was sleeping about 12 hours a night along with dozing off during the day. And just like most women, my energy came back around the 2 nd trimester. Not that every women feels that bad during the first trimester, but if you've never been pregnant, you would likely equate the size of baby with energy level. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to point out that you may have gotten annoyed with her based on incorrect assumptions on your part.
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Originally Posted by Buddha Gal
. I could care less if she takes up jogging or not, it's just that attitude of "if it's harder than strolling then forget it, I'm not doing it ever" that bothers me.
That is not only annoying in a workout partner but basically a set up for failure. Really it comes down to you doing this alone and if she asks to come along, say no. I used to walk with my cousin, but she's like your friend, just not that motivated to change or improve. So I stopped meeting with her because as my fitness level improved, I would go for runs and she would go for "runs" as she called them...20 minutes of walking with 30 seconds of a slow jog in there at one point. I couldn't even get my heart rate up so I stopped meeting with her, OR I would meet with her in the evening only if I already got my real run in in the morning. I don't knw how busy you are, but that's an option, follow your own real workout schedule, then the meets with her are just for fun.
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Originally Posted by Buddha Gal
When it comes to the "fupa" situation (that's what she called it), she said herself that her abs split durning pregnancy and created the protrusion. Yes, she does have fat and loose skin that can be managed but she still has the split abs that cardio isn't going to fix. As a nurse she know this, but wants nothing to do with the strength training that could help fix it. I'm not trying to discouraging her, I'm reminding her about what she said, and trying to get her to look at it realistically: walking 1 mph, 1 to 2 days a week isn't going to fix nothing be it fat, skin, or split muscle. .
She's a nurse? What kind? I don't know her but by your description she sounds like she has poor planning skills...not a good deficit for a nurse. (I'm one as well!)
Sounds like you just need to move on. My point was that even if your friend is not making an effort to lose weight that is up to your standards when she's not pregnant maybe you were wrong to be annoyed at her uninvolvement while pregnant because you don't know what it feels like, and it sounds as though you were judging her particpation on the way you assumed its like to be pregnant. And I don't mean the "standards" thing insultingly. I have very demanding standards when I'm not pregnant, and pretty much no one meets them. Which is why do my diet and exercise solo.
Good luck!
It's always harder and more complicated with sisters involved. It sounds like she sees you as a motivation though, which is nice. But feel free to say no.
I couldn't get off the couch in 1st trimester (srsly was tossing my toddler a bag of goldfish crackers and calling it lunch), but was doing Crossfit at 42 (yes, 42!!!) weeks pregnant. 1st trimester IMO, is the worst for most women (and 3rd the worse for those with more difficult pregnancies).
Oddly enough, her 1st trimester had her bouncing off the walls. She was waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed and she's never had morning sickness (not with the first pregnancy either). Her energy really started to putter out around the middle to the end of the second I think.
@ Glamour Girl 827 - nope, I've never been pregnant. Again I can't fault my sister for being pregnant and all that it brings. It was the attitude of "I'm not going to make one change, I'm going to eat crap, but I expect results and when I don't get them I'm going to get upset." Pregnant or not, it's the attitude she's always had. I think that really plays a part in my resentment too, her history. Its not "your pregnant-self is slowing me down", it was more like "This old song and dance AGAIN?!" She never approaches weight loss realistically. She always wants me to hold her hand and motivate her, but then fights it every inch of the way.
Just like your friend when it comes to you and your husband, my sister believes my results are just luck. When I tell her no I have to plan my meals, do this, that, and this again she acts like I'm crazy. She rather believe I used witchcraft instead of actually working for it haha.
Regarding her being a nurse, she did skilled nursing at a nursing home for about 10 years. Got her RN a few years back. She now works at the local hospital in wound care. She's a great nurse, got her job on lockdown, it's her home life that she can't ever get organized hahaha.
For now it's going to be stick to my real workouts and consider our walks together as extra credit activity. Eventually, as history has shown, she'll stop calling me and I'll be back to a lone wolf.
P.S. I know you're not trying to be mean The beauty of the internet though, you can't infer tone.
Tough one! I have THREE sisters (god help me)...and over the course of our lives I have been both the motivator and the motivatee...sorry your sis is stuck in a rut...have you tried sitting down with her from the, "Hey man, what's up? I'm concerned about you." , perspective? I know I can tend to be preachy and snide with my fam because we are all really sarcastic and silly with each other, but sometimes a serious heart-to-heart is in order, especially if sis is getting crap from her hubby about her weight (JMO here, but if she were my sis he'd be getting an EARFUL from me for that, it's damaging behavior), but, my family is obnoxious like that compared to most! Good luck, I hope you two work it out...YOU are doing AWESOME, I like the idea someone else had about making your walks with her a little "bonus" work out, if you can manage to find the time for both of course!
I couldn't get off the couch in 1st trimester (srsly was tossing my toddler a bag of goldfish crackers and calling it lunch), but was doing Crossfit at 42 (yes, 42!!!) weeks pregnant. 1st trimester IMO, is the worst for most women (and 3rd the worse for those with more difficult pregnancies).
omg, I was doing the same. At least I know I'm not the only one! I couldn't cook anything with the smell making me vomit and I could barely get off the couch, so yeah goldfish were a lunch here for my little ones too! On good days a PB sandwich. Actually, the reason we are stopping at 3 kids is because how sick I get during the beginning of pregnancy, I just cannot do that again. But yeah now, energy is closer to normal. The other day I forgot that my son's bus driver was out and so the bus was going to be stopping down the street at the "assigned" bus stop, not infront of our house...the bus went by our house and stopped. Let me tell you I sprinted there to get my 5 year old off the bus! I was afraid they'd pull away and call the school!! It must have been a sight, me and my huge belly running full speed down the street! lol Something I could not have done in the beginning.
.Its not "your pregnant-self is slowing me down", it was more like "This old song and dance AGAIN?!"
I can definitely relate to what you are saying. I can think of a few times when someone in my life who just has a history of poor planning, or excuse after excuse, has a real challenge that would slow anyone down. And I feel like I should be more understanding, but I look at how they never have shown determination in their life before, so why would this tme be any different. I have a hard time staying friends with people that lack motivation in life, just because I'm such a type A motivated person. After awhile I get tired of being the only one that moves forward while the other person stays stationary in their life, all the while complaining about how they are helpless to change it. So all pregnancy issues aside, I do understand what you are saying. Maybe with your friend there's a bigger difference in personality? Is the issue just weight loss?
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Originally Posted by Buddha Gal
.She's a great nurse, got her job on lockdown, it's her home life that she can't ever get organized hahaha.
huh...I guess there are people that are very organized in one area of their life and not others. Maybe home is her place to not think about planning or regimented meals/workouts...
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Originally Posted by Buddha Gal
.P.S. I know you're not trying to be mean The beauty of the internet though, you can't infer tone
Yes! And I have IRL a very dry sense of humor and a very direct way of communicating. Most of how I mean things is in how I say them since my words are very to the point, so it very difficult for me to communicate online without sounding harsh, even though I don't mean to. I even dread texting at times.
Sorry I didn't read the whole thing but this bit caught my eye:
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Originally Posted by Buddha Gal
!!RANT ALERT / NOVEL ALERT!! While out walking she told me she’d done good that day food-wise: no breakfast, half a sandwich and a small bowl of soup from the hospital cafeteria, and a granola bar. I told her that wasn’t enough and then listed what I’d eaten that day. She told me I eat too much. I’d barely broken 1,400 calories that day and all of it was unprocessed, healthy foods. She then went home and had a frozen meal for dinner.
No breakfast?? I'm lost, why is this good?? Does your sister not know that she needs breakfast? As it's been said time and time again it's the most important meal of the day. Eating breakfast helps you lose weight.
As many have said, I can only change myself and that's the plan. I've been sticking to my routine and doing what I need to do while counting my time with Buddha Sis as extra credit. I know that soon enough (as history shows) she'll stop wanting to walk and I'll be back to "lone wolfing" it as usual. We just don't make good exercise buddies, never had, and probably never will as we are two completely different personalities. Like I said, I hate the idea of leaving her alone, but she has to work this out on her own for the time being. 
Why should I sacrifice my exercise routine when someone else is forcing their way in??
What kind? I don't know her but by your description she sounds like she has poor planning skills...not a good deficit for a nurse. (I'm one as well!)
and I could barely get off the couch, so yeah goldfish were a lunch here for my little ones too! On good days a PB sandwich. Actually, the reason we are stopping at 3 kids is because how sick I get during the beginning of pregnancy, I just cannot do that again. But yeah now, energy is closer to normal. The other day I forgot that my son's bus driver was out and so the bus was going to be stopping down the street at the "assigned" bus stop, not infront of our house...the bus went by our house and stopped. Let me tell you I sprinted there to get my 5 year old off the bus! I was afraid they'd pull away and call the school!! It must have been a sight, me and my huge belly running full speed down the street! lol Something I could not have done in the beginning.
