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Old 03-20-2013, 06:14 PM   #46  
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I don't give a crap what people go through life thinking. Think whatever you'd like; if you're spending your life grading people on whether you'd sleep with them or not, that's your business. The point is what you actually say out loud. What you actually say that may hurt somebody's feelings for no reason other than you feel like opening your mouth.

There is no excuse for this and I don't care whether you're 15 and just discovered what your penis is for or if you're a nasty woman who enjoys degrading other people; we all have the ability to filter the b.s. that comes out of our mouths and it's not too much to expect that people do so.
But we don't have to be civilized anymore. We're all taught that our feelings are valid and that our right to free speech is sacrosanct. We're all so busy making sure that we get what we want and that WE feel good, we don't care about anyone else. (The we of course being a generalization - I certainly don't think like this and I know most of you don't). I run into this every single day, "It's my right to say whatever I want". Not to mention that its in vogue to be un pc and anti establishment. Bigotry in all forms is alive and well and coming out louder than ever.

In no way do I advocate mocking fat people. But I can understand the reasons people do. They're bullshit reasons, but I can see how their minds went from point a to point b.
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Old 03-20-2013, 06:21 PM   #47  
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But we don't have to be civilized anymore. We're all taught that our feelings are valid and that our right to free speech is sacrosanct. We're all so busy making sure that we get what we want and that WE feel good, we don't care about anyone else. (The we of course being a generalization - I certainly don't think like this and I know most of you don't). I run into this every single day, "It's my right to say whatever I want". Not to mention that its in vogue to be un pc and anti establishment. Bigotry in all forms is alive and well and coming out louder than ever.

In no way do I advocate mocking fat people. But I can understand the reasons people do. They're bullshit reasons, but I can see how their minds went from point a to point b.
Exactly Jane. People think it's their God given right to be a JERK. I can't stand it. And I will admit I am afraid to actually say something to a stranger. Not to be dramatic but people are crazy....
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Old 03-20-2013, 06:42 PM   #48  
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I could have been that big woman. I have a three year old who frequently demands to to carried on my shoulders. The other day I took my children on a bike ride and, once again, was reminded that my presence in the public eye is unwelcome by just such a person as your friend.
At my heaviest point, I weighed over 300 pounds. I have fought so hard to value my own life because of countless comments such as these. Countless, yet somehow I cannot erase them from my memory.From the age of eight, near daily reminders of my inadequacy, my worthlessness in the eyes of men (and many women), the burden I represent to healthcare professionals and the economy.
Comments like these kill people. Comments like these create the very people they abhor. That is nothing to cast aside as immature man-think. That may sound dramatic, but it is absolutely truth. I started out a fat kid...I stayed fat because by the time I reached adulthood I had internalized the barrage of negativity doled out by my peers, my parents, and my public school teachers. I believed I was a worthless embarrassment.
How do I deal with it? One day at a time. Before having children, I avoided people as much as possible. Now I am precisely the opposite. I seek out ways to show off my fat exercising arse in public on the DAILY. Anyone daring to commentate on my presence will be verbally accosted. If I were ever to have a friend make such a remark, I would call them out directly for being idiotic, uninformed, and ugly where it counts. Then I would never speak to them again, plain and simp.
Why the change? Having children taught me that I have a responsibility not just to them, but to ALL the children of the world. It is my responsibility to protect them from the pains of my own childhood. It is my job as a mother on this Earth to stamp out those things which might hurt the children of this Earth...and that includes grown man-boys who would willfully use their words to disparage another for nothing but their own glorification.
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Old 03-20-2013, 10:57 PM   #49  
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OMG--you are a much better person than I am, and probably did more good. I would have taken a step back, let my mouth hang open, and given them an absolutely horrified look.
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Old 03-20-2013, 11:57 PM   #50  
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I worked with this one prick from England who told me I "need to go walk my fat *** off, would do me some good" and I was around 150p at the time. Really? I was so hurt and only 23 at the time, had he said that to me now he'd have no teeth. I also had a dentist I work for tell me I was fat, again @ 150p. Even us thinner chicks get insulted so I can't even imagine what some people go through.

ETA: forgot about exes, some of them have insulted me too.

Last edited by novangel; 03-20-2013 at 11:59 PM.
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:39 AM   #51  
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Guys say dumb things. You called him out, which is the right thing to do.

He won't say it again because you called him out. So everything is good.
Yes I think the original poster handled it very well. If they didn't get the point from that they likely won't smarten up.
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:39 AM   #52  
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I think one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is a sense of empathy. This idea is kind of a cornerstone that my wife and I use in raising our kids. So many teachable moments can come from a parent asking their child "how do you think that person feels?"
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Old 03-21-2013, 12:45 AM   #53  
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Unless I value someone's opinion it would not have an impact on me .

We can not control someone else's behavior but we can model what we think is appropriate and respectful behavior.
I have a policy of not gossiping about people I know, friends,coworkers ,family and.... so people have learned it will fall on deaf ears and they do not bring up around me.
I refuse to participate or associate in any shape or form.

We never know if the person we are encountering that day is on the edge and that one last negative thing pushes them over the edge.
We could be that one positive interaction that they had that day....And a kind word or a smile may lift them up. I want to be that kind of a person.
I would let your friend know how disappointed you were in his behavior and were amazed at the cruelty he displayed to a perfect stranger who had in no way harmed him....I would want to ask him where this came from...
He may have never really thought about in that way....Could be a teachable moment.
The girls could be personal insecurities they have themselves.
I am sure if this was their friend or family member that was being ridiculed they would not think it was funny in the least.

I believe people can change and grow to be more sensitive to others feelings .
But the desire and need to change has to be there.

I remember visiting my mom in Rehab/Nursing home and there were these mean senior women making fun of the cognitively impaired patients ,I kept thinking to myself who could imagine old ladies could be so cruel ....but I guess this is what happens to Mean Girls if they never change their ways.
They also use to talk loud enough where you could hear them at the adjacent tables. They were brazen enough to even talk about the staff so you could hear them...they had all the facilities but their bodies were impaired and their hearts were hardened. I let it me known that I would not look kindly on anyone disrespecting my mother and they overhear what I told the nurse I had heard.
My mother was never targeted my these women and to my amazement they were pleasant to her at least to her face. They had seen how my mother who was sweet and gentle shy sole was no threat to the pecking order that they had established in their little kingdom.
I learned so much from my mom stint in Rehab how people unchecked will act out in ways that are senselessly cruel and unnecessary.
People have a choice of how they choose to behave....we have a choice whether to associate with them or not.


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Old 03-21-2013, 01:38 AM   #54  
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I used to have this friend who was always making comments about weight, fat people, etc. For years I wrote it off as "that's just how she is, she doesn't really mean anything by it."

But eventually, I came to realize that she was just a nasty piece of work. Everyone says stupid stuff without thinking about it from time to time, but most people who consistently say nasty stuff about other people are nasty people and I no longer give them the benefit of the doubt.
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Old 03-21-2013, 07:38 AM   #55  
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That said, many people who are overweight are overweight partially due to emotional issues - others medical issues - in a lot of ways, weight is an outward sign of "sickness" of some sort. I think that freaks people out.

No.

That's what people THINK, but in many cases it is not true. Just because you eat more calories than you burn off doesn't give you a sickness. It's that assumption that leads to all the derogatory comments that people make.

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Old 03-21-2013, 08:15 AM   #56  
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I think quite a few men go through life viewing women as "would have sex with" or "would not have sex with" as though they were placed on earth for their viewing pleasure (or displeasure). And a lot of men and women are highly insecure about their own weight and need to feel like their way is the better way.

In my experience the most ruthless fat bashers are (A) people who used to be fatter and still think they are a bit fat/are not comfortable in their own skin (B) nurses, doctors and paramedics who have to work with lots of very obese people and (C) total a$$hole high school bully types.
I vote for (c).
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:21 AM   #57  
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Fortunately I haven't encountered anyone like this for a very long time. But if I did I hope I have enough courage to say something and not allow that kind of bigoted statement to go unchallenged. Bullies need to be stopped!

It reminds me of the time I was in college, probably around 165lb. I'd gone on a vacation to the greek isles with some friends and we were having the time of our lives. One afternoon while my buddies were sleeping I decided to go have a dip and sunbathe at the beach. I was laying down sunning my back when these 3 guys walked by and said "she has no business showing us her butt" and laughed. Nobody else was around but I was so humiliated and shocked that I picked up and left and didn't enjoy the rest of my vacation. Here I was, vacationing, feeling really happy and free and these complete strangers just basically told me that I don't even have the right to be there. I was too self conscious to really enjoy myself after that.
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Old 03-21-2013, 09:41 AM   #58  
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I'm not at all surprised that a "doctor" would make comments like that. I've come across some manky doctors myself. When I had my son our pediatrician advised me to not breastfeed and said "do you really want a baby hanging off your breast all day?" Of course I changed doctors immediately.

And a friend of mine who is an ob/gyn actually said OUT LOUD and IN PUBLIC that breastfeeding is no longer beneficial after 2weeks.

Anyway, sorry to hijack the thread but if doctors who specialize in women and babies could actually spout out such drivel then I'm not surprised that any physician would be just as bigoted about weight.
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Old 03-21-2013, 09:55 AM   #59  
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It scares me that a doctor to be has that mindset, too! :c
That is the part of the story that probably sadden me the most. That kind of comments coming from someone who we'll be supposed to work toward treating and helping improve the health of patients is horrible. However, as my college degree was held in a medecine facutly (so we were around future doctors all day long), it was clear to see that many of them were not there to make good in the society around them. Position and money means a LOT to many is these kids.

But concerning the situation, I understand how upset you were. So.RUDE! Not only to the woman in front of you, but to you and the other girl. Way to go on minimizing all the efforts someone needs to put out to make a change in their lifestyle.
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Old 03-21-2013, 09:56 AM   #60  
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I usually just say, "I don't get it. What do you mean?" and make them explain the joke and give them a blank stare when they explain that it's funny because the person is large and they feel like an idiot. Or I explain that I have a lot of large family members and find it offense.

Sometimes people make Jewish jokes or talk about how cheap Jews are in front of me and I do something similar or explain to them that my boyfriend is Jewish and they should watch their mouth.
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