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Old 03-13-2013, 04:02 PM   #16  
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I read this thread and then literally smiled and said "yay" when I read this!! lol.

I just wanted to say, it takes a HUGE amount of courage and strength to cut a toxic person out of your life. That feeling of empty space is sometimes very painful when you cut that person out, because they literally filled up SO MUCH of your body and mind and soul with their toxic energy.

You are left with a wide open empty space and it feels very disconcerting for a while, but what it does is create space for something new and positive to fill it up.

When you are feeling that emptiness and loneliness, just breathe into that space and figure out some sort of mantra like "this space will be filled with positive healthy loving energy" or something to that effect. This way, you are acknowledging it, but also manifesting good things to come. I do this - it works wonders!
Funny you mention that empty space. I was thinking how strange it is to feel that after letting someone so mean go. I've definitely felt it today. Like I said, I don't regret ending the horrible friendship, but she did take up a big chunk of my life. I've found yoga my peace and positive energy. Since I let her go, I started my weight loss/getting healthy/loving myself and I'm completely blown away with how well I'm doing. I've never made it this far.

Thanks so much for your encouragement! Very wise you are.
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Old 03-13-2013, 04:09 PM   #17  
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I totally get this. I've been quite lonely lately. In a previous thread I started, I discussed how a friendship of mine had ended (much like yours has) and since then I've been pretty isolated socially and have been pretty lonely. I am the sole employee in a family owned business (husband/wife) so I see them sometimes but not much, and my DH, and my dog. That's pretty much it. I am a member of Meetup but the activities I like to do aren't being pushed much right now since it's still winter where I live. Hopefully my social life will improve this summer, and I'd like to make a few friends this year.
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Old 03-13-2013, 05:26 PM   #18  
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"A bunch of people on a forum"? I've never heard of the really great people here described that way.
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Old 03-13-2013, 07:43 PM   #19  
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"A bunch of people on a forum"? I've never heard of the really great people here described that way.

Haha yeah, there are lots of great people here. I am glad to have found this site. But even so, I don't have anyone to connect with in real life. That's what I meant
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Old 03-13-2013, 09:52 PM   #20  
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Since I have moved to a new state 2 years ago, I have made only superficial friendships. So I feel your pain! Reading this thread has given me ideas so thank you for venting on this forum!
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Old 03-13-2013, 10:45 PM   #21  
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Since I have moved to a new state 2 years ago, I have made only superficial friendships. So I feel your pain! Reading this thread has given me ideas so thank you for venting on this forum!

Glad I helped
Who says whining can't be good?
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Old 03-17-2013, 12:06 PM   #22  
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Wow I wish we lived closer! So many things in common: stay at home mom for 15 yrs, not needed at the school, talk to strangers fine, don't know what to say in groups...I did go back to work 6 years ago when my son got to Middle School. Got a job in a library and FINALLY have friends. Maybe it was the quiet place, getting to know people a little at a time that made it easier...also, when I lost a dear friend to a move to Alaska, I prayed for God to fill the void. He was awesome and filled me right up!��
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Old 03-17-2013, 01:04 PM   #23  
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Like Eagle; I recently lost my closest friend for being too toxic. I have a few aquaintences but no real close friends. My two oldest friends are always "very busy" now that they have kids and other responsibilites which I completely understand but no time to pick up the phone once a month and say hi? They'd rather talk to people on the internet. I have a hard time making new friends probably because I'm somewhat socially awkward, and don't really drink (anymore) while everyone around me is getting blasted when we go out. My BF plays in a band and he doesn't drink either. All the other girls that come to these shows with their husbands are very nice but usually live too far, or we don't have anything in common. They also tend to be very cliquey which I'm not into.

I just work, go to the gym and take care of my 10 year old son. It gets lonely at times for me too. My BF is great but there's a definite void. I'm sure he's tired of hearing about my TOM issues too, that's what a close girl friend is for.

I hope I can find new friends this summer too. I really miss conversation outside of the internet or trying to seek out old friends that just don't seem to re-connect. I live in Illinois if anyone here is in the same boat.

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Old 03-17-2013, 08:56 PM   #24  
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We have moved a lot in the last 15 years and one thing I've learned is that no one is going to beat down my door to be my friend (which is dumb because I'm awesome). Most people who've lived in the same place for a while already have a go-to friend or circle of friends. You have to get in there and do the leg work. Frequent the same coffee place, make yourself a regular at a local craft store or running shop. Keeping saying hello to people and asking about their kids. Make friends with your kids' friends' parents. Join Junior League or the Civic Club (every cliquey small town has a women's service group). Sign up for everything at school, go to every party and PTA meeting. Join WW and Curves and a book club at the library. You just have to keep pecking away till someone clicks. If there is a park, take your kids. Often. And you can't let one gossip turn you off. There is always going to be one gossip, one mean girl, someone who is standoffish, whatever. You can't let ONE person rule out a whole group of potential friends for you.
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Old 03-17-2013, 09:18 PM   #25  
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Like Eagle; I recently lost my closest friend for being too toxic. I have a few aquaintences but no real close friends. My two oldest friends are always "very busy" now that they have kids and other responsibilites which I completely understand but no time to pick up the phone once a month and say hi? They'd rather talk to people on the internet. I have a hard time making new friends probably because I'm somewhat socially awkward, and don't really drink (anymore) while everyone around me is getting blasted when we go out. My BF plays in a band and he doesn't drink either. All the other girls that come to these shows with their husbands are very nice but usually live too far, or we don't have anything in common. They also tend to be very cliquey which I'm not into.

I just work, go to the gym and take care of my 10 year old son. It gets lonely at times for me too. My BF is great but there's a definite void. I'm sure he's tired of hearing about my TOM issues too, that's what a close girl friend is for.

I hope I can find new friends this summer too. I really miss conversation outside of the internet or trying to seek out old friends that just don't seem to re-connect. I live in Illinois if anyone here is in the same boat.

I live in southwest Illinois.....
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Old 03-17-2013, 11:31 PM   #26  
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We have moved a lot in the last 15 years and one thing I've learned is that no one is going to beat down my door to be my friend (which is dumb because I'm awesome). Most people who've lived in the same place for a while already have a go-to friend or circle of friends. You have to get in there and do the leg work. Frequent the same coffee place, make yourself a regular at a local craft store or running shop. Keeping saying hello to people and asking about their kids. Make friends with your kids' friends' parents. Join Junior League or the Civic Club (every cliquey small town has a women's service group). Sign up for everything at school, go to every party and PTA meeting. Join WW and Curves and a book club at the library. You just have to keep pecking away till someone clicks. If there is a park, take your kids. Often. And you can't let one gossip turn you off. There is always going to be one gossip, one mean girl, someone who is standoffish, whatever. You can't let ONE person rule out a whole group of potential friends for you.

There was actually not just one in that group. One had added me on Facebook because we met through a local sale site on there. On the anniversary of the death of my son (who was lost due to premature birth) I posted a picture of baby footprints with an "in memory" poem. This other lady told me to "get over it. It's not like losing a real baby". She is also involved in the group and that was another reason. I do realizethat there will always be a mean person, I learned that a long time ago. But that was 2 for 2 in a very small group and I already had bad vibes. I couldn't see myself devoting my time around someone that could trash the memory of my son like that. I wasn't going to share this bit, but there it is. I didn't write it off fir one person.

We live in a tiny Kansas town. There is no coffee shop, craft store, running shop, etc. We have a tiny market, post office, a bank, a liquor store, a bar, and a tiny library.
The bar is just not a place for me. The most I drink is a glass of wine or two at home maybe once a year.
I didn't think to check the library for activities (duh!), thanks for the idea. I've baked cookies and took them to neighbors. Maybe my cookies sucked lol. I do try to make sure if I see a neighbor outdoors I talk to them. Unless of course I'm pulling out of the driveway when they come out.

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Old 03-17-2013, 11:41 PM   #27  
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I'm kind of where you are, except I'm not shy and am a chatter box. I have friends but my two best friends live in other states. This past September I moved about 45 min away from my family... Not that far but. The only person I really know here besides my boyfriend is our 60+ year old neighbor. When I want a new face besides my boyfriend I go chat with her. Unfortunately she is gonna move eventually I'd love to get to know some people our age. My boyfriend has restrictions on things he can do... He has an eye condition which makes him unable to see in the dark so he isn't comfortable in bars or at bonfires or anything with groups where he can't see, which is totally understandable
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Old 03-18-2013, 01:56 AM   #28  
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I get the stuck up thing too, or people think I am mean too. I don't have a smiley face, u know some people just have a happy face that a smile belongs on. Don't gets me wrong I smile, but I have always had this look people think is a dirty look. I don't have many friends, well I keep in touch with some old guy friends from old jobs, I seem to get along better with guys. Girls usually don't like me. I am assuming its me cause I have never been able to hang on to girlfriends. But since I am married I don't tend to hang out with my guy friends much, just lunch every few months to catch up.
It sounds like u r trying to do activities where u will meet people which is more than I can say for myself. I just don't know what I would talk about if I joined any group. I tend to put my foot in my mouth often. I do think I am nice and funny but need to feel comfortable before that side of me comes out. My family can't believe how antisocial I am cause I am the life of the party at family functions, well one of them, anyway. Guess I don't have any advice just wanted to chat! Hope u make friends, I can always message me.

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Old 03-18-2013, 02:31 AM   #29  
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I get the stuck up thing too, or people think I am mean too. I don't have a smiley face, u know some people just have a happy face that a smile belongs on. Don't gets me wrong I smile, but I have always had this look people think is a dirty look. I don't have many friends, well I keep in touch with some old guy friends from old jobs, I seem to get along better with guys. Girls usually don't like me. I am assuming its me cause I have never been able to hang on to girlfriends. But since I am married I don't tend to hang out with my guy friends much, just lunch every few months to catch up.
It sounds like u r trying to do activities where u will meet people which is more than I can say for myself. I just don't know what I would talk about if I joined any group. I tend to put my foot in my mouth often. I do think I am nice and funny but need to feel comfortable before that side of me comes out. My family can't believe how antisocial I am cause I am the life of the party at family functions, well one of them, anyway. Guess I don't have any advice just wanted to chat! Hope u make friends, I can always message me.
I put my foot in my mouth a lot too. Not saying mean things, but I guess things that make no sense because I panic trying to find things to say when the awkward silence sets in. Or something will make sense in mu head and it comes out all wrong. I'm same in I can be the life of the party but does take time to warm up. I think part of it is my confidence. Thanks for the invite! Still waiting for the messaging to show up for me. Should be there soon hopefully.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:18 PM   #30  
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Im from Wichita Kansas, So its nice to see a few Kansan's on this forum, I was going to say you can go to penpalsnow.com to meet people that way but again thats through the internet and I know you said you wanted to meet people that werent on the internet but anyway with all of the ideas other members have given you Im sure you'll end up making friends in no time
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