[mandypandy2246]

So I regularly go to a meetup group. In that group, there is another bigger girl that also goes. We are both big - but we couldn't look more different - the way the fat is distributed is different (I am apple, she is pear), our facial features are totally different (I have a rounder nose and face, she has a more ovalface with a sharper nose), we are different heights, we dress totally differently etc.

So some guy says to us "are you guys related?". Answer: No. "Oh well, you look alike, I always get ywu too confused". And then awkward silence and the conversation ended.

To me, the elephant in the room was that basically he just cant tell the two fat girls apart. I was really offended. And not because I don't want to look like this other girl (she is pretty), but BECAUSE we look sooo different it is clear to me that "fat girl" is the only thing this guy sees. I found this offensive. Am I being too sensitive?

[Jonjaxmom]

The guy sounds pretty ignorant to me. Its like saying all spanish people look the same.

Try not to take it personal, he doesnt sound like he's the brightest lightbulb in your room, and his opinion shouldnt mean boo!

[joefla70]

I used to get that all the time. Until he left the firm a few years ago, one of my co-workers was my same size. Like me, he also had a goatee. But other than those two things we did not look anything alike. After many people asked us if we were brothers, I came to the same conclusion as you did. Some people apparently think that all fat people look the same. I didn't get offended by it. Since all he said was "are you guys related", I think you are being too sensitive in finding this offensive. You are reading into his comment and assuming he said it because of your weight. This COULD be true, but it may not be.

[joefla70]

Originally Posted by Jonjaxmom

The guy sounds pretty ignorant to me. Its like saying all spanish people look the same.

Try not to take it personal, he doesnt sound like he's the brightest lightbulb in your room, and his opinion shouldnt mean boo!

Be careful. The only thing the guy said was "Are you guys related?" and, when told that you were not, he said that he thought you looked alike. He did NOT say "Are you guys related... because you're both fat, so you must be related, right?"

The OP is reading into the question and inferring that it was based solely on the fact that both girls are big. But maybe that wasn't the guy's reason for asking the question. Sure, it might be... and it could prompt you to wonder about it. But to call somebody ignorant f based upon an assumption regarding what prompted the question is pretty harsh.

[Skellig19]

I've wondered this myself when I was in high school and my teacher often called me by the other fat girl with brown hair's name. Try not to read too much into it, though, as Joefla70 said, it's not good to dwell on negative stuff like that.

[TripSwitch]

Some people just don't have very good social skills unfortunately... because the only time that a comment like that might be even be remotely OK is if the two people where actual identical twins and even then you still might hurt someone's feelings... because let's just simplify things here... People are individuals and want to be seen as individuals and hopefully recognized for their own uniqueness on some level... even people who may be relatives and especially siblings, and probably more so for twins.... Now whether or not you believe that doesn't really matter since good manners and rules of etiquette dictate that you act as if you believe it... and treat people as such... to do otherwise is not only bad manners, but in this case it sounds possibly rather rude...

[mandypandy2246]

I just don't see any other reason he would ask it - and I agree that its similar to asking two hispanic people if they are related (I've seen that awkwardly happen).

Without further evidence ot his logic, I may be overreacting - but I still did find it insulting because the simplest explanation is because we are the only two fat girls.

[seized]

One christmas my family and I went to get our pictures taken professionally for my mom before I moved out of the house. I have three sisters, so there are four of us total, and at the time only two of us were fat. I have a twin sister, and I asked the photographer if she could get a picture of just us twins. I guess I had assumed that she knew which sister I had meant (at the time, my twin was much thinner than I was). But when she signaled my younger sister, who doesn't look much like me at all other than the fact that she was fat as well, over for the twin picture, I was like no that is not my twin.. she is.. and the look on the woman's face was so awkward that she didn't speak for a few seconds, because I am sure that she had assumed my fat at the time sister was my twin only because we were both fat at the time. So even though we were technically related, I know how you feel on that one, the fact that maybe that wasn't his motive for believing that you two are related but it is still an awkward and uncomfortable experience.

[Mozzy]

Some people don't have good social skills :-(

[elvislover324]

I used to always get called "Jen" (not my name) at one of my jobs because people would confuse me and this other girl. To me, we looked nothing alike but so many people did it, there had to be something about us. I think I just didn't like it as she seemed frumpier and older than me. She was nice and pretty enough, but she wasn't me. Know what I mean?

I fixed it real quick, I dyed my hair darker and lost 40lbs. No one called me Jen anymore!

I'm sorry that happened to you. I tend to jump to the worst conclusions too. But it could be that you laugh the same or have similar accents or whatever the reason he thought that. It might have nothing to do with weight.

[MadCowOnTheMend]

The more weight I gained, the more people told me that I look like my mother.

"Wow, I never noticed how much you look like your mother."

It stunk, because the only change was my weight (she is very heavy). And I've had people try to complement HER by saying we look like sisters, not at all thinking about what that implies about me. Ticks me off, but people are shallow. I don't have time for the drama.

[JollyGreenSteen19]

I totally get where you are coming from.

In college (and I went to a big big BIG college with 26k students) there was this girl who also happened to be taking the same class as I was (a 400 person class with 16 sections of lab, easy). I later met her after this happened, she's about 6'4 and also very overweight and stocky. Fortunately, we have the same hair color (different lengths and styles), but our facial features are very differenct. She was very "pointy" and I have much rounder features. Anyways in the cafeteria one day I get chased down being called Ashley. This guy keeps chasing me calling me Ashley... until I turn around and say that I was not Ashley. He gave me this look where you know he probably wanted to say "are you sure?". Then there's this awkward convo where he asks if I was even in organic chem (which by coincidence I was, I'd never met him before). Later as I said I met a girl named Ashley who was also a science major when we got a campus job together AND IT TOTALLY CLICKED. Yes, she was also tall and fat. It made sense. But we were nothing alike, she was very popular and outgoing. I get offended by that stuff, and I don't blame you for it either, because people should remember you for a lot more than your weight - unfortunately it happens that way. I always dread how I get described to someone, like someone is wondering "who was Courtney, again?", probably the "tall girl, really big". I can't wait to just be a normal, unremarkable size.

It really sucks and I'm sorry. You have my total empathy, and people like that - they are a total ***. hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[April Snow]

In college, people always confused me with my roommate. We both had short brown hair and wore glasses, and were both overweight. However, our features looked nothing alike and I was about half a foot taller than she was. So I do think that they saw the hair, glasses, and a fat girl.

On the other hand, in high school, I had teachers who used to mix up my name and my best friend. We looked nothing alike and she was slim so it was definitely not a "fat girl" thing. I think we just were together so much of the time, people got used to thinking of us a pair and forgot to pay attention to which was which.

Which I guess all means that yeah, he's probably thinking "those fat girls are related" but he may be just as likely to assume things about other pairs of people for no real reason. Either way, I'd try to let it go, he's not an important enough part of your life for it to matter.

[Radiojane]

My grandfather when the alzheimer's hit used to think I was the obese nurse on the ward he was in. Granted, he had a good excuse.

I don't even think it's an intentionally ignorant thing. For a long time, I used to get asked if I was so and so or was related to so and so. When I finally laid eyes on this person, it was the same thing. she was tall and very overweight, but we didn't resemble each other in any other way. I would bet though, that just the height and weight similarities were enough to make the connection in people's minds. I don't think it was done out of any bias, because I've had the same issue with a few short skinny women with blond hair. I mix them up constantly, but if you look at their faces, there's not much of a resemblance. It's just the way the human mind works.

[Missy Krissy]

If it happens again you can always say, as politely as possible, "No we aren't related. What makes you ask?"

The person asking probably isn't going to cite your weight as the reason for the comparison, but maybe it will make them think twice about drawing silly conclusions in the future.