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I am hurt, and upset, broke up with my ex-boyfriend

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Old 03-03-2013, 09:03 PM   #1
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Unhappy I am hurt, and upset, broke up with my ex-boyfriend

I am so upset. I am hurt, angry and besides myself.

My now 'ex-boyfriend' and I broke up today. It would have been three months that we would have been together on the 9th. We had our share of ups and downs but we somehow knew that we loved each other and that was the glue that kept us together, until today.

Today he called me to borrow money again because his car broke down. I had enough but I gave in and lent him the money making this over $350 that I had loaned him. He says he will return the $52 for the car this week and the $300 later in a month or two. I believe him, he is an honest individual and I told him I would sue him if I didn't get the money back and I mean it! There are some excellent lawyers in my family and I will use that to my advantage if I have to.

I am very sad that things ended the way they did, shortly after him hanging up the phone on me after I agreed to loan him the $52. In the past week, he has given me an ultimatum saying if I didn't go to my group therapy, he would break up with me. I have bipolar and he also has mental health issues and he was not getting much treatment for them which I believe severely affected our relationship. Then he said I was a child or that I was acting like a child today when I voiced my anger, only to tell me later in an email instead of over the phone because he blocked my phone number that my anger scares him. He also called me 'high maintenance' and constantly questioned if I was ready for a relationship. I questioned the same thing about him because he constantly mentioned his ex-wife.

Too many conversations ended in my getting off the phone in tears. Too many angry outbursts happened with both of us, one of snapping at the other.

I am sad that it is over and I had a headache from crying today but I am glad that it is over too. I miss him but I don't love him anymore and I need to move on. I re-activated my OKCupid profile and want to find someone else. I am just so angry at him that he hung up the phone on me after my bailing him out with money again, that he blocked my phone number and that things ended this way! I wish we could have ended things more peacefully. I lost my virginity to him for Christ's sake!

I don't know what to do. I just needed to vent. My girlfriend said that she thinks he sounds controlling and I never saw it that way, but I think he is too now that she mentions it. I need to arrange to get my stuff back from him and then I never want to see him again even though as angry as I am, a part of me misses him.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-03-2013, 09:15 PM   #2
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(((hugs))) i'm so sorry to hear about the break up...there will be better things down the road for you
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Old 03-03-2013, 09:45 PM   #3
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I'm very sorry to hear this, I know how you feel.

But at the same time, I caution you about going on a dating site so soon. Speaking as someone who has connected with a number of men who moved too quickly only to put the brakes on, my advice would be to let yourself cool down first. Don't put yourself in a bad position and don't pull another unknowing party into the mess okay? Just relax and let the feelings settle, this will pass, I promise.
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Old 03-03-2013, 11:49 PM   #4
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Sounds like a very unstable realtionship for only 3 months. I hate to say it but it wasn't going to get any better, probably worse and the fact that he keeps borrowing money is also a huge turn off. I wouldn't jump back into OkCupid either. Rebounds never work.
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Old 03-04-2013, 01:15 AM   #5
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My advice to you? Keep money OUT of the equation when you get into a relationship. No lending, no borrowing. Establish your relationship with money from the get-go. On your first date decide whether you are going to let him pay or be firm about paying half. This to me sets the stage of how money is going to work in your relationship in the long term.

I have made the mistake many times of establishing early on that I'm very generous and willing to pay for things and lend money and it has always turned out badly, and it really speaks volumes about how I'm willing to let people treat me.

I don't see anything wrong with going on the dating site again, just learn from this lesson you just got and be cautious. Eyes wide open for ANY red flag. You're an intelligent woman, you know what a red flag is.

Good luck, and I'm sorry you had such a crap experience with this guy.
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Old 03-04-2013, 03:24 AM   #6
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I empathize with you. We love hard and we fall hard. It is a fact of life. It wasn't love if it didn't hurt so bad when you broke up. Don't be so quick to just say that you "dont love him". Its okay to still love someone even after you have broken up. It takes time to heal. Yes it was a short relationship, but its apparent from your sadness that you need to heal a little first, before getting into another relationship.

From this women who has been on many a date and in many a relationship from online. May i offer you a piece of gal pal advice?

1) Dont sell yourself short and settle for second best. You know what you want in a man. If you find the man that you go on your first date with, is someone who has annoying habits or turn off's...thats a good time to stop and not go any further with dating the guy. Dont settle for less or dont think that you dont deserve the best because you truly do. You are unique, you are beautiful, you are smart and you are deserving. Wait for the right one.

2) As a women who has had mental health issues in the past, please..i urge you to continue with therapy on the advice of your doctor. It may seem like some days your better without it, but trust me..I rather be in therapy for the rest of my life, then feel like Im on a roller coaster every day.

3) Make sure you get your money back!! and in the future..never lend money again. I completely understand that your heart was in the right place, but sometimes other peoples heart is not in the right place. You need to make sure that the person you loan money to, is trustworthy and you know them well enough to know they will repay you. Dont let people take advantage of your'e generous heart. Be wise in who you chose to loan money to.

I hope that you found at least one piece of encouragement in this. Just remember..your worth being loved by the best guy in the entire world!!! He is out there!
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Old 03-04-2013, 07:31 AM   #7
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Default Thanks everyone for the great advice

I greatly appreciate everyone's advice, it is great, helpful advice.

I thought I was over him but I am just so angry at him. I feel like he treated me like dirt recently and I am so sick of it. Part of me wants to yell at him, smack him and shake him. I am so furious as to how he treated me. He needs to get help for his mental health issues and he wasn't, only taking the meds, he should have been in therapy. I just want my money and belongings back and then I want him out of my life.

I want so much to just move on but it's so hard. The last few weeks were so painful and I don't know why I can't just put them in the past but it is hard for me to do that.

Thanks again for the advice.
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Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Oliver Goldsmith

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Old 03-04-2013, 01:39 PM   #8
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Wink update

Well, I feel better.

I returned this beautiful gift that I got him for Valentine's Day and never got to give him, which in a way I am glad, it would be in the trash can now anyways. Instead, it was $37.10 in store credit! I got to purchase myself a beautiful teal, knit scarf and two very nice embroidered dishtowels! I also got the $25 back for a cake I ordered for us, so I feel much better!

I also treated myself to lunch at one of my favorite inexpensive restaurants, a thin crust pizza place and now I am at the library. After that I will go spend my $5 in extra bucks at CVS! I feel much better, like a new woman because I am realizing that I don't want to spend time with some negative individual who doesn't really love me or care about me. Life is too short.

I read a quote somewhere awhile back, "our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time that we fall." or something like that. That couldn't be truer for me now. I felt like I fell flat on my face but I am picking myself up and am much happier without some negative person draining my energy.

Thanks for the support!
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Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be. KT Tunstall

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Oliver Goldsmith

This is my chance! Shinedown

Go for it. Tabatha Coffey

Don't give up the fight...Determination always gets you where you're going. Stevie Nicks

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Old 03-04-2013, 01:43 PM   #9
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Hugs
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Old 03-04-2013, 04:22 PM   #10
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I think you will find yourself so much happier without his negativity pulling you down.

As far as him being ready for a commited relationship? (or a relationship of any kind) I don't think he is even close. Constantly borrowing money, making you cry, especially so early in the relationship is a bad sign.

YOU deserve more, better and need to hold out for it. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less, make you any less angry, but it's all I've got.

Hugs, and glad you let him go.
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Old 03-04-2013, 04:53 PM   #11
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Great job! I don't know you but as someone who has had her fair share of heartache, I feel very proud of you.
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Old 03-04-2013, 05:21 PM   #12
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Wink Thanks!

Thanks so much everyone!

I do feel a lot better now, partially because I am as free as a bird, not tied down to all that heartache and b. s. I feel a lot better and I don't really even miss him. I am glad it is over, huge sigh of relief! Now I just want my belongings and money back and I won't ever have to deal with him again, YAY!

I agree, I don't think he is ready for a relationship at all yet he constantly tried to pawn it off on me that I was the one not ready for a relationship, jerk and jackass that he is.

I still find it sad that our relationship ended this way. Oh well, that's a shame but I guess it's best to do what I am doing which is to MOVE ON, right!

Thanks!
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Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be. KT Tunstall

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Oliver Goldsmith

This is my chance! Shinedown

Go for it. Tabatha Coffey

Don't give up the fight...Determination always gets you where you're going. Stevie Nicks

Take your passion and make it happen! Irene Cara
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Old 03-04-2013, 06:26 PM   #13
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Sorry you are going through this.

Make sure you save any proof of the $$ loan in case you ever need the proof. Keep copies of any texts, emails, voicemails, etc. that relate to you loaning him the cash. If you never get the $$ back, it's still $$ well spent to get rid of him but you do deserve to get everything back from him.
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Old 03-04-2013, 06:43 PM   #14
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Thanks! That's a great idea, I will save the emails. I never thought of that but thank you.
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Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be. KT Tunstall

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Oliver Goldsmith

This is my chance! Shinedown

Go for it. Tabatha Coffey

Don't give up the fight...Determination always gets you where you're going. Stevie Nicks

Take your passion and make it happen! Irene Cara
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:49 PM   #15
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Wink Update

Well, thanks to OK cupid, I just may have a date in a couple of weeks! I would like to meet him this weekend but I am going away and he says that weekends work out best for him. We chatted for about twenty minutes tonight, he is very nice and lives somewhat nearby.

I am excited because I am moving on! YAY!
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Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be. KT Tunstall

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Oliver Goldsmith

This is my chance! Shinedown

Go for it. Tabatha Coffey

Don't give up the fight...Determination always gets you where you're going. Stevie Nicks

Take your passion and make it happen! Irene Cara
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