I'm SO tired! I'm getting to work extra early to make up hours I take off for class. My boss approved my classes but I still feel like she's resentful of it at the same time.
Then, my classes are so incredibly stressful. I have a project that is due for critique tomorrow. I thought I was ahead/on-schedule until we had our critique yesterday and now I have to re-do crap. I'm freaking out that my interview for acceptance into the program is 5 weeks away and I still have tons of unfinished pieces to complete.
On top of this, I just don't get to spend as much time with my kids as I'd like. When I am with them, I'm tired and trying to recover from being up 'til 1 am and waking up at 6 every. single. day!
Blah explicit blah. This is all I feel today. Just blah. With a explicit and a hint, I mean enormously huge amount, of irritation. I do not want to go to work to clean. I want warm weather. I want to work on my wood project on the patio. But my foot hurts because I stepped on a nail from said wood. And I have to work on said foot. And I want the confusion of what to do with my situation to end. I am tired of second guessing everything. I want the plants to grow properly. And I REALLY wish my period was normal so I wouldn't have minor heart attacks when it's always late or irritation when it's severely early. SIGH.
Proper whining over. And now to work.
Last edited by birdtostone; 02-20-2013 at 07:16 PM.
Added whine to my A**hole honkers from yesterday. 1 more today... Get a life you More ons. At least no verbal statement this time.
I NEED A JOB... really really really do. I can't stand not having a schedule. I learned crochet in November (I sew, X-stitch, Quilt and Bead since I was young but never crocheted) and have made 4 blankets, scarf and cat blanket... NEED A JOB or the whole world will be covered with yarn. Wouldn't that be something!
Fffffff...lipping stupid DEPRESSION!!!!!!! My god, I hate my brain. And now it's telling me to eat sugar all day!! Yeah, yeah... I'll eat some because I'm doing IE and diets make me into an overweight basket case, but... just **** off already!! I am sick of having 3p in the bank! I am sick of being depressed so regularly! I have NO social life! None of my clothes fit! I am sick of having nowhere to live! I am fed up with having to go through this employment tribunal! I am fed up with standing up for myself for once feeling so WEIRD and WRONG. And what's more, I am sick and tired of people being all hard done to because it's difficult to send me things because I can't afford a place to live right now. Well, boohoo! I AM SO SORRY THAT MY TINY LITTLE PROBLEMS ARE INCONVENIENCING YOU!!!!! And what's more, I have had ENOUGH of not being able to control my life through my weight! I just hit onederland, got to the 14 stone marker on the scale, and rapidly gained 5 lbs!! Stupid strength training!! It's not even POSSIBLE to build muscle on a calorie deficit (or fat), and I don't feel bloated so I fail to see how it's water, it's just 5lbs of hot air!!! Most of which should be gone now!!!
1. My diet has completely gone out of the window. I haven't lost for 3 weeks, I'm still a big blubbery mess, I feel awful and I'm going on holiday in 1 month, so not enough time to do much about it. Yay.
2. I am stuck in a dead end job, with no idea what to do with my life. I have dreams of course, but I can't help but think they are unrealistic, especially for a fat girl.
3. I've had to stop talking to a guy I work with because the thought of rejecting him terrified me. We went on one date and I quickly realized that I wasn't attracted to him at all. But, hating awkward situations as I do, I had no idea how to deal with it. And now it's awkward anyway!
4. I seem to have serious issues with commitment, and I have no idea why. Whenever I realize that someone likes me I instantly back off. (This could potentially be because the only guys who like me are creepy, or I don't find them at all attractive).
5. My ex is trying to get me in to bed, even though he is now engaged. That's not really the issue though - it's more that I'm actually considering it. I'm usually a fairly moral person and at the moment my own thoughts on this matter are disturbing me.
6. I recently came to the realization that I actually only have one friend that I would see all the time, and could call any time to hang out or just chat. She just got a boyfriend so our time together has severely diminished - guess that makes me feel kinda lonely. And her boyfriend is actually amazing, he's a good friend of mine and talks to me about her a lot. It makes me wish that somebody had ever felt that way about me.
Well, boohoo. Times like these I try to remind myself that there is someone less fortunate out there who would love to have my life
Okay, so my whine of the day is that I really looked at myself in a full length mirror and I could see how chubby I am. I mean, for so many years I was tiny, considered small, when I was in the 120s. Now I'm in the mid 140s and I am chubby. Nobody refers to me as "small" or "tiny" any more (hasn't happened in years since I gained the weight). I hate how I feel like an elephant next to people who are way slimmer than me (or who are what I used to be). I hate how I have no willpower to just take care of the problem. In the moment eating or drinking almost always manages to trump remembering that I want to lose the weight. And yet I obsess about it. All the time. It's a contradiction that has caused a lot of pain over the last 5 years or so.
Also, my dad has bad health problems and my mom is leaving for a week trip on Saturday. We all live in the same town, so I will be "on call" and it makes me so nervous. There's usually some time during a trip away that my mom will call me in a panic about how she can't get ahold of my dad. Which sends ME into a frenzy. My dad is only 65 years old and he acts like and has health problems like he's 80-something. I'm too young to have elderly parent problems. I really resent how his issues (both mental and physical) are getting in the way of my mom's retirement enjoyment and my own nerves. And then I feel awful and guilty for feeling like that.
2. I am stuck in a dead end job, with no idea what to do with my life. I have dreams of course, but I can't help but think they are unrealistic, especially for a fat girl.
Please, PLEASE try to go for your dreams! Even in a tiny way to get started. I know this isn't an advice thread, but... It's a decision that makes life so much more worth living, and a dead-end job can be utterly soul destroying.
Then you won't be "fat girl", you'll be "girl who followed her dreams where so many others didn't".
It struck a chord with me and I had to say something. I spent nearly a decade in the wrong career and ultimately that ended in disaster. *hugs*
1) I´m sick and still have to work 14 hours today, not sure how I´m gonna make it.
2) Boyfriend and I haven´t had sex for over a month now and the last 6 months have been like maybe we would have sex once a week or every 10 days, all this supposedly (although I suspect lack of attraction also contributes) because it hurts when there is penetration (I told him we could do other stuff, he´s not interested, says it´s not the same). Anyways, he finally drags his butt to the doctors and needs to have a circumcision! That hit him pretty hard, and I´m not sure how to deal with it. And to make matters worse we have to wait until April 1st for the operation... I know I have to be understanding, and that he is depressed, but I feel lost and like he is shutting me down, all the time!!!!! Arrrgh!!!
let me whine a little...
first...my family...how on earth can we have visits every single day since i'm home, i don't have time to even do my chores or anything i planned to do ...and everyone is full of s*** i can't even stand being around them for 5 minutes, they probably think the worst of me but, yes people do change and dear parents kids do grow up!!! and to my dear meom: stop treating me like a hlepless baby
why is internet so addictive?? and all the social media, i just can't keep up with everything...
other: will i ever find a bf? i honestly wonder what do guys think of me when they see me? it's like i have a sign "no boys allowed" on my forehead
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