My son is 10 and can be very difficult/stubborn since birth. I only have one child so I have no idea what "normal" behavior is vs. not normal. I did have him thoroughly evaluated when he was 7 by a Neuropsych and they said he has some learning delays as well as ODD. School Psychologist says he's ADHD. I had him in therapy for about a year which seemed to be doing absolutly nothing for him so I took him out. Medication is not something I or and the Pediatrician feel is necessary at this point for reasons (the positive points) listed below. Besides, he doesn't have an actual ADHD diagnosis so therefore we don't know what we would actually be medicating him for.
He gets good grades, had lots of friends (but can be a little bossy but maybe that's from being an only child), never gets in any serious trouble or uses profanity but he's very immature for his age. Most of the time he doesn't listen for crap until I either have to raise my voice or take something away, and he does display some hyper activity. I have to pretty much tell him to do everything or it will never get done on it's own (usually have to walk him through things) and he screws around too much...he's very silly even when it's time to be serious like during homework, and at restaurants but he's gotten a little better with that with age.
Believe me, I'm no push over and I have disciplined through the years in every way imaginable. Taking things away works the best for the time being but then he reverts right back to the way he was. It's like he NEVER learns. You could tell him 1,000 times not to do something and he will still do it. At 10 I shouldn't have to tell him not to jump on the couch 600 times.
Is this normal kid behavior? Is there an only child syndrome? He's physically 10 but behaves like he's 7.
I'm scared to death of what he may or may not be like as a teen. Anyone else have very difficult boys that turned out ok as teens or should I start drinking now?
I am a single parent and somehow feel like I failed him.
Sounds like a normal 10 year old boy to me.I have two boys,19 (he reminds me all the time he's almost 20) and an 11 year old.My 19 year old gave me a hard time from birth to just last year...and even then he made a decision that had me going
Mine didn't get good grades though...in fact,teachers would tell me,"If he only did his homework,he'd be an A/B student and one of my favorites" No matter what we did,what we took away...anything,he still wouldn't do his homework.Called it busy work and didn't understand why,if he could ace a test,he had to do busy work We ended up putting him in adult education classes (no homework,everything done on the computer in his own time) and he passed everything with A's and months ahead of his class.He tested us every step of the way though...every.He's married now and living in Hawaii....and doing quite well actually.He's working and he and his wife have a little place to call their own.I wish he was closer,but for now he's living his life and enjoying himself...and I'm happy for him.My daughter-in-law's family is all out there...so I know they do have people to go to if they are having any difficult times...and they also know they have my husband and me.
My youngest is completely the opposite of his brother...so,so far so good,lol.I just try to do the best that I can,and hope they turn into responsible,happy and loving adults I certainly did want to take up drinking for a couple of those years
Wow! My 10 year old son is just like that! Drives me batty! In fact, I just got really upset this morning because he and his sister know that the piano here (we are renting and they left their piano for Evie's lessons) is not to be touched or have anything put on it. It is not ours.
So this morning my son proceeds to use the piano keyboard lid as a counter and dumps birdseed all over it, and it gets down in the cracks! I yelled and got really upset, because we can NOT afford to take it in for repairs or cleaning.
I have to constantly tell him to do things and he gets mad saying he "knows" to do something and I don't need to tell him. But if I don't tell him, he doesn't do it. Ugh!
- I don't mean that laugh in a bad way, but I've just recently realized how silly I must look to "seasoned" parents when I have this bizarre "Really? They're actually LIKE that??" look on my face ...
I have a boy - 12 years old, only child. Sometimes I think I can really complain, but then I look around at some of the others' kids and actually - he's really good ... yes, they're different than we were, but it's a different world isn't it?
I wasn't going to respond until I saw that your boy gets goods grades and gets too silly - obviously no ADHD going on there or you would see pretty bad grades and an absolute anger, not a silliness ...
As far as the only child thing goes - we've worked really hard trying to not spoil, keeping socialized, etc. I'd say 95% has stuck so far, but he is a bit bossy if you want to look at it that way. I consider it a "leader" mentality and I do think that's from being an only child. I do have to remind my boy that his friends can always say "the heck with ya" if you treat them too bossy or mean. And if you think 10 is interesting between friends, wait until 12!!! Oh the drama!
And I still need to tell my kid things 100 times ... but now I can say - "you knew the consequence, you still did it ... no xbox for 24 hours (or whatever fits the crime) period. " I think at 10 you can do that too - he's mature enough now, he just doesn't want to act like it all the time. And let's face it - I'm in my mid 40's and act immature whenever I can get away with it
I don't have any advice, but wanted to say it sounds like you are doing a very good job! Mine are only 3 and a half (girl) and 1 (boy), and I'm left cringing at the thought that he will get MORE crazy (I'm sure he will). My son is a MUCH bigger handful already, than my daughter ever was.
Best of luck to you, but honestly I just wanna say keep doing what you're doing. I'm a part time teacher at an alternative high school (16 to 20 year olds) and some of the parents just refused to be involved and seemed to have given up long ago, I know yours is only 10, but the fact you still have so much concern and are trying so hard puts you head and shoulders above so many!
I've got a kid who is a lot like this too - although in our case, he is officially dx with ADHD and is on meds. And they do help somewhat, but I don't think any meds work on the defiance! It's tough too, because most of the time, he's a great, sweet, loving kid. But when he gets something in his head, there's no talking him out of it, and he will talk back to anyone who tries, including teachers.
re: having to walking him through stuff, and keep him focused. I've been told that is part of his ADHD, and that had brain just doesn't have the capacity to stay organized in that way, at least not yet. Most kids do tend to develop more skills in this area, and I am seeing improvement over the years (he was dx in K, and is now in 3rd).
So "normal kid behavior" - I don't know. But everything you've described is pretty much MY normal....
I was just talking about this with a friend of mine. He said, "Everything is a disorder these days." I think he's right. I don't think your kid should be stuck in therapy or medicated. He's 10. I'm almost 25 and I still don't listen to my parents. I remember a "conversation" I had with my mother in which I didn't hear what she said literally two times in a row. It went sort of like...
She kind of just laughs it off now. It's selective listening, I kind of just tune stuff out at will...
And getting things done on time? Hah! Again, I'm almost 25 and my Dad purposely tricked me just a week ago to be sure I got something done with time to spare. I needed to exchange a car battery for a new one before the warranty ran out. Dad said, "It's almost up so be sure you do it real soon." "Okay, I will." I went right out and did it within a week.
I call Dad up and say, "I got the battery, they said the warranty was going to run out in March." "I knew that, I just wasn't going to tell you that because then you would have waited until the last minute."
Sneaky bastid...
Here's how my friend put it - "A kid is in class and he's not paying attention. They say oh he has ADD. No, the kid just has more interesting things to think about than homework."
Kids just have different personalities. Yours is kind of a monkey type, lovable, sociable, goofy, etc.. Sounds to me like maybe you should just find different ways to give him responsibility and discipline him if he doesn't listen. =)
I've got a kid who is a lot like this too - although in our case, he is officially dx with ADHD and is on meds. And they do help somewhat, but I don't think any meds work on the defiance! It's tough too, because most of the time, he's a great, sweet, loving kid. But when he gets something in his head, there's no talking him out of it, and he will talk back to anyone who tries, including teachers.
re: having to walking him through stuff, and keep him focused. I've been told that is part of his ADHD, and that had brain just doesn't have the capacity to stay organized in that way, at least not yet. Most kids do tend to develop more skills in this area, and I am seeing improvement over the years (he was dx in K, and is now in 3rd).
So "normal kid behavior" - I don't know. But everything you've described is pretty much MY normal....
THIS exactly!....my oldest son is diagnosed ADHD and we are aware of autistic traits but he is not diagnosed that...what you described novangel and april has been my reality....
for my son, he has tested as academically capable, no learning delays, but when you test him for organizational skills, focus etc (all the things required in school these days) he tests at the very very bottom ....so in essence he CAN learn the academics, but he's unable to do the details required to get good grades
when my son was ages 5-10 he was on medication for several reasons - 1) to help him focus and learn the basic building blocks of education, taught at early elementary ages and 2) to help him slow down enough to have positive interactions with friends and learn social skills, which he was NOT learning by zooming around 200mph and unable to develop age-appropriate friendships
we took him off medication around 5th grade, tried a different med in 6-7th grade, and realized that he'd already accomplished what the meds could help him with...he had developed friendships and retained most of what was taught in elementary school...he could sit through classes in middle school without being disruptive...he could check in with me after school and i could trust where he was going/what he was doing...so we took him off meds for good, which was what he wanted also
this year he's a freshman...his grades are iffy...he has an IEP in school and spec ed support...if his grades show anything lower than a C on thursdays, then he goes to saturday school to work on his assignments...he's got good friends and his teachers speak highly on him despite the fact that he's barely passing any of his classes due to the organizational deficits
i think he's getting experience at doing what he'll need as he grows up, listening to teachers and bosses, being flexible, and working hard despite the fact that he's not really passing algebra or whatever...
I have an 11 year old son with ADHD and ODD as well. It can definitely be a challenge. Feel free to message me if you want to chat! You can never have too much support!
I think it's perfectly normal. I have an 11 year old.
As long as he's not having issues in school or socially, I think it's perfectly normal to tell someone 1000 times not to do something and yet they still do it. Heck, I have to tell my husband things 1000 times.....
Very normal! Our school systems are really not well suited to the temperaments and needs of MOST healthy boys, hence why so many end up over-medicated and under-stimulated. Don't mistake childishness for disobedience - yes, he needs to be diligent in his work regardless of whether he wants to or not, but regular reminding and correction? The same mistakes again and again? VERY typical.
He is getting to the age where transitioning to more responsibility and physical tasks will likely benefit him. High expectations will probably help him - at this age it seems most boys are trying to sort out how to become men, and we do them no service by treating them like girls or younger boys in the meantime. Hard physical work is a good discipline strategy as well as character builder, and that would be my primary recommendation. Sitting still for something like school may still be an issue, but the more active and needed he feels outside of school, the more responsive and diligent he'll likely be for it and things like homework.
That's what I've gleaned from a lot of wiser moms than me, anyway . My kids are at the age where I apply this sort of advice, but in lesser measure to match their maturity and abilities. I have found the premise of much responsibility with an understanding that they are still young and learning to be a sound one in our home!
Very normal! Our school systems are really not well suited to the temperaments and needs of MOST healthy boys, hence why so many end up over-medicated and under-stimulated.
100% agree with this statement. I don't blame teachers or schools, it's just how it is.
Kids are difficult to varying degrees at different ages and stages. I feel for you as I've spent the evening upset over another melt down by my five year old which involves hours of inconsolable screaming and crying coupled with hitting, punching and throwing things.
It's hard to know what's normal and what's not especially since so many parents only play up the good aspects of their children to their family and everyone on Facebook. Often those that speak of the other side, or problems, are often ridiculed as bad parents. Reality tends to get a little skewed.
Sounds like my kid. He's now 13, and having a great 8th grade year. The last few had me scared witless, he was so disorganized and such a total airhead! Something happened over this past summer, and when he walked into school, it all began to click for him. Since he's had the same math/science teacher and same LA/History teacher for 3 years, they know him pretty well. At conferences, they both said he was a completely different STUDENT this year. Still the same goofy, mildly disruptive, wisecracking "100% guy" ... but now he gets the work done at a much higher level of effort, remembers to turn it in, and will fight for every point he deserves. The headmistress told me that there's nothing more frustrating than a middle-school boy, and that if I could just muster the patience to let him live for a few more years, he'd be just fine. She was right!
Can we talk about parenting?
No matter what we did,what we took away...anything,he still wouldn't do his homework.Called it busy work and didn't understand why,if he could ace a test,he had to do busy work 
We ended up putting him in adult education classes (no homework,everything done on the computer in his own time) and he passed everything with A's and months ahead of his class.He tested us every step of the way though...every.He's married now and living in Hawaii....and doing quite well actually.He's working and he and his wife have a little place to call their own.I wish he was closer,but for now he's living his life and enjoying himself...and I'm happy for him.My daughter-in-law's family is all out there...so I know they do have people to go to if they are having any difficult times...and they also know they have my husband and me.
I certainly did want to take up drinking for a couple of those years 
- I don't mean that laugh in a bad way, but I've just recently realized how silly I must look to "seasoned" parents when I have this bizarre "Really? They're actually LIKE that??" look on my face ...
It's tough too, because most of the time, he's a great, sweet, loving kid. But when he gets something in his head, there's no talking him out of it, and he will talk back to anyone who tries, including teachers. 
