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Honey, maybe losing a few pounds won't hurt!

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Old 02-01-2013, 02:47 PM   #1
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Default Honey, maybe losing a few pounds won't hurt!

I dated a guy many years ago that would hug me and then say maybe u need to lose a few pounds. One time he bought me a nice new pair of nike running shoes so I would start running. I didn't but liked the shoes. I stayed around 118 the whole 3 years I was with him. Anyway my hubby has never made a remark about my weight. I guess I finally felt comfortable enough to gain, figuring it didn't matter to him and who else do I have to impress. Today we were discussing it and I asked if it did bother him. He did not reply in a hurtful way but did say he noticed my weight gain, and would prefer me thinner. Jokingly I told him he should have been more like my ex, that way I would have not gained. He asked if he should have just called me a heffer or what I meant. Jokingly again I told him he could have just oinked and snorted at me. I know I wouldn't have appreciated that, and like he says I never forget anything. But I do think maybe a subtle comment from him would have been motivation for me.*
Would anyone like their significant other to let them know when they are gaining a bit? Is it just rude or too much to hear it from your love. I know it may be superficial, but I do want to be physically attracted to my husband and I want the same for him.*
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Old 02-01-2013, 02:57 PM   #2
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My husband is the first guy I ever ate with and over the years, boy did I eat! I was about 150lbs when I met him (a very long time ago, almost 20 years!) and I thought I was so large then, that he'd never call me again to date, etc.

Fast forward over the years, I gained and lost over and over. My husband is the sweetest man and loved me thick or thin. He never ever said anything mean or hurtful to me. He never acted embarrassed about me and loved me the same no matter what. For that, I will be forever thankful. The only time he ever hinted about dieting would be to say "We should try and eat more healthy next week." as we were stuffing our face with pizza and french fries, drinking beers. But never anything personal about me. (He's not overweight or heavy in the least.)

Now that I am losing weight and on an awesome plan, seeing my doctor every week, etc., it's been awesome for us. We can't eat out as I have to stay on plan at all times so if we do go out, it's maybe for coffee at Starbucks and just hanging out (instead of going to the bar and ordering beers and buffalo wings), we go for walks on the trail now (!!), we hang out more at home together doing "nothing". Our relationship doesn't revolve around food anymore and I love it!

And now...at least twice a week, he tells me how proud he is of me or how good I look in a different outfit I might have dug out of my closet. I try not to make a big deal about it but inside I am doing cartwheels. I want him to have a pretty wife and not have to worry about my health and making special accomodations for me.

I am losing weight for both of us, he just doesn't know that.
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:05 PM   #3
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For me it would depend on the significant other.

If I was with someone who generally took good care of themselves and was reasonably fit (not saying they have to have a 6 pack, although I certainly wouldn't complain!), a gentle, well-meaning comment wouldn't bother me. Well, after I got over the initial moments of "OMG HE THINKS I'M A FAT COW!!!"

Now, if it was one of my exes that was heavy (6ft, north of 330) telling me I'd gained a few? Uh yeah... I would be ticked. "You" just spent $20 on food for YOURSELF at Burger King, and you're telling ME that I'VE gained weight? Worry about your own weight, buddy.

I, too, want to be seen as attractive by my significant other, and if it's something as "simple" as a few pounds (versus him wanting me to dye my hair green and get a nose ring), why wouldn't I want to know about it?
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:09 PM   #4
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Hm.

I have to ask- would you REALLY be ok with your husband behaving that way? If not, then I would suggest not even JOKINGLY making suggestions that he comment on your weight or making oinking noises. Are you sure you're not offended that he admitted he'd noticed your weight gain and would prefer you thinner, and that possibly you're responding in a passive aggressive way that would be nearly guaranteed to get him in trouble?

My SO doesn't comment on my weight unless it's positive. Such as, he never said a word when I gained 90 lbs. Not one word. As I'm losing weight, he will occasionally say something positive like that he's noticed how hard I'm working and he's proud of me. But if he ever made an oinking noise at me I'd flip out, and if he ever started harping on my weight I wouldn't be cool with that. I would prefer him to be supportive. It sounds like your husband has been taking this tactic too- before you ask him to change it, I'd ask yourself if your really want that. I think if you want a weight loss buddy or supporter, it's better to use a coach or even a girlfriend, but not your SO.
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:19 PM   #5
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No, I know I am fat and I do not need him to tell me. Now, if he said, " I am scared for your health", it would be different. I believe the intent would be different. I think many people think we/I are oblivious to the fact that we're heavy, and we should be indebted to them when they "show us the light" with the "revelation" saying "hey you're fat". I know I am being a bit bitter about it today. I've had relationships were they expressed their so called concern in mean ways.

That being said, if it's brought up in love and concern and expressed with kindness, then sure. I would hardly be offended, and want them to say something if it makes them feel better.
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:23 PM   #6
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In my last relationship I gained 40+ lbs over 6 years. He didn't make comments about it and I would not have liked it if he did. I did not have the right mindset to tackle my weight gain and I was already BMI obese when I first met him. I couldn't maintain any sort of weight, let alone lose it.

I found the strength needed to lose weight after we broke up. And I have to say that I wouldn't like it if a new boyfriend took it upon himself to tell me I need to lose some poundage. First of all, thank you Captain Obvious. And more importantly I now feel that my weight is my business and my responsibility. I am the one who needs to make good choices and stay healthy. Any criticism some third party has on the subject (when they can't lose the weight for me) is going in one ear and out the other. This is the first time in my life EVER that I've thought it was even possible for me to reach a healthy weight. I'd spent all my life looking at people who lost weight thinking, "Well THEY can do it cuz they are different. Weight just falls off them and I'm simply unlucky..." or whatever excuse I came up with. This, like pimpin', ain't easy. But I got myself into this mess and I'm going to get myself out of it. Not only that, but I will be in a better place because of the journey that I've had. I do strength training every week so that I can tone up while I lose the pudge. I highly doubt that if I had been at my goal weight all my adult life that I'd be toned or have the cardio capacity I do now. I'd just be sitting somewhere vegging out watching movies, while taking my weight for granted. Yeah sure, I got another 35 pounds to lose before I stop caring what the scale says, but when I get to goal, I'll be able to do fricken dumbbell push-ups with 20lb weights.

Let a man tell me that I need to lose weight. Pfft! He better duck, cuz that mean right hook is coming fast!
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:41 PM   #7
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I always knew my weight bothered my husband and he never said a word about it. Well, he did, but it wasn't in a mean way, but in a "I'm worried about your health way". But now that I'm fitter and healthier and thinner, I see how much my weight bogged down our relationship in about every single way. I'm seriously lucky he never walked. And, no he has never had a weight problem.

Like Elvislover, now we do so much more together and he works out now too so now he is not only trim, but fit as well. We workout together twice a week, we take more walks together, enjoy healthy meals together and just laugh more as my mood is better.

Now, if he would have commented on my weight all these years? I don't think it would have made me lose the weight. I knew I was fat. it would have just made me feel like more a failure as a wife than I already felt I let him down.

And he LOVES having an attractive wife now. He also loves it when I get other male attention as he says to himself (as he's told me), "Sure, go ahead and look. She's pretty good looking isn't she? And she's MY wife!"
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:44 PM   #8
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Sometimes I wish my husband would acknowledge that I'm fat, but he doesn't. Even at my heaviest he was blinded by his love. That being said, I would not want him to make snide comments or rude noises at me. So I guess I would rather him not say anything than say something hurtful.
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Old 02-01-2013, 03:57 PM   #9
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Elvislover we did discus a healthier lifestyle many times while watching biggest loser and eating chips, cheese it's and cookies or while out for a big dinner. But the moment would pass as fast as the cheese it's were consumed. When we started dating out dates always consisted of nothing other than resterants. Glad u have a supportive hubby. I was in no way angered by his admittance, I really was glad to finally hear his thoughts about my weight. I will remember it and try to maintain my healthy weight.

Dancingpaint I knew I was fat too, but for me I guess I need someone to state the obvious.

Learning to live my hubby's mom always comments on his weight, even though she is over weight herself and that does nothing for him in the way of motivation. I guess I am just different

In all I was just joking when I said the oink and squel thing to him, we were laughing hilariously and he said he would never say anything so harsh. But I asked him to please just say something to me if he sees me getting out if hand. I have worked to hard for this again and if a reminder about my weight is what I think I need, then heck I would rather hear it from my husband, my best friend, my partner than someone else.

Eagleriverd I am seriously ok with a remark made about my weight, not an oink or squeal, of course not a rude remark. He would never hear the end of it for that.
Penmage when I mentioned it to my hubby he said it woukd be like coffee pot calling the kettle black
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Old 02-01-2013, 04:27 PM   #10
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DH is very supportive, has been concerned about my weight, but hasn't known what to do to be supportive. He is really glad I am doing something about it because I have obesity-related problems (cholesterol and I'm an in-denial-diabetic).

When I told him this time I really was going to lose weight, he was quiet for a moment and then asked "How can I help?" and I told him he could walk with me in the evenings. (He hates to walk) And he agreed. We haven't consistently been at the 3x/week I wanted to shoot for, but I've been walking at work, and it's been sub-freezing quite a bit. At 17 degrees, neither of us wants to walk!

I was probably 180-190 when we met, and the last time I got down to 205, he did say that I looked more like I did when we met.

He's also gained weight (all in his stomach and neck), which I haven't mentioned either--he knows it--doesn't need me to tell him. I wish he'd lose it, but given that I gained 40-50 lbs how the heck can I say anything to him??

He has been completely understanding of me changing what I'm cooking (he is semi-counting calories, but is not consistent about it). He doesn't object to that we haven't gone out to eat as often. He doesn't care that there are fewer snacks in the house (as long as there are nuts and raisins). He's pretty darned wonderful.

However, if he'd said something, I think it would have been motivating, especially if it was one of the times I was down (once to 195 and once to 205) and starting to go back up. If he'd said something then, perhaps it would have helped. Or perhaps it would have devastated me--hard to say. Which is why he didn't say anything!
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Old 02-01-2013, 04:55 PM   #11
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Berryblondeboys I think someway or another my hubby was ok with my weight because I do get a lot of attention when I am thin. Maybe it's a combo of being thinner and having more confidence. Glad to hear your hubby embraces your new look. Hmm could that be a new thread why the hubby wants u to stay overweight. Lol
I guess we all have blinded by love hubby's, or hubby's that just know not to remark about something so personal. And I guess we r all different so some would appreciate a different approach. Like I tell my teenage son when he thinks that because someone doesn't agree with what he be likes, we are all different a d thats what makes this world great. How boring would it be if we all drove the same color and brand cars, had cookie cutter homes, dressed the same etc. I love hearing everyone's input.
But again the oink or squel or calling me a pig or heffer would definitely lead me to probably deck my husband Like learning 2 live
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Old 02-01-2013, 05:43 PM   #12
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I'm seriously lucky he never walked.
This statement really irked me in general. I read an article once about a poll in GC where men said that their wife gaining 100 lbs was a bonafide reason for divorce.

It blows my mind how many men are obsessed over the weight of their significant other. I mean, Chubbiegurl is 129 lbs at this point. Why should weight even come up at this point?

Sorry, I just get irritated with men sometimes and their feelings towards women.
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Old 02-01-2013, 05:51 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vex View Post
This statement really irked me in general. I read an article once about a poll in GC where men said that their wife gaining 100 lbs was a bonafide reason for divorce.

It blows my mind how many men are obsessed over the weight of their significant other. I mean, Chubbiegurl is 129 lbs at this point. Why should weight even come up at this point?

Sorry, I just get irritated with men sometimes and their feelings towards women.
I have a good guy friend that dumped his wife of 10 years because she gained weight. And in perusing this forum regularly I see that many other women have had ultimatums placed on them over their weight, or have been dumped over it. It appalls me. What happened to "In sickness and in health..." etc? I guess there are probably shallow women out there as well, but it seems to be more prevalent with men. I feel very lucky to be with my guy who loves me regardless of my weight.
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Old 02-01-2013, 05:54 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vex View Post
This statement really irked me in general. I read an article once about a poll in GC where men said that their wife gaining 100 lbs was a bonafide reason for divorce.

It blows my mind how many men are obsessed over the weight of their significant other. I mean, Chubbiegurl is 129 lbs at this point. Why should weight even come up at this point?

Sorry, I just get irritated with men sometimes and their feelings towards women.
My husband would never leave me and I say that with certainty. We were separated once for silly issues but divorce will never happen in his eyes. And I may be 129 well 130 this morning but have been very close to 200, at bearly 5"2 was a lot. The topic came up because we have both been discussing weight so much lately. I talk meal suggestions, excersizes he may recommend since he previously did p90x. I brought up the question, he was hesitant to answer buti pushed a response. I do admit I have been obsessed with my weight loss, not my husband at all.
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Old 02-01-2013, 06:00 PM   #15
Restart 11/2012 at 153lbs
 
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Oh and just to add hubby wants me to stop losing already, but I want wiggle room. And plan on gaining some back in muscle if I can afford the gym.
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