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Lauren's love life strikes again... (Long!)

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Old 01-22-2013, 01:02 AM   #1
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Default Lauren's love life strikes again... (Long!)

You know, one day I'm gonna not be awkward about relationships and I'm not gonna have to come on here or go anywhere for advice, lol. But until then...

For the first time since I was 17, I have stirred the romantic pot with a fellow I actually met in person. No online dating involved in this one, and I, for one, am excited! Story goes: I've met him (we'll call him Bob) twice before now. The first time, he caught my eye because he is super attractive, but I was very drunk and very aware of my intoxication and also too chicken to talk to him. However, the friend (we'll call her Sue) I was with at the time felt the need to be "brave" for me, so she drug my drunk butt over to him and told him that I thought he was attractive and I wanted to say hi. Which I did, just, ya know... when I was sober because I (and everyone else on the planet who has been drunk) tend to make an *** out of myself when I'm really drunk (which is why I don't get drunk like that anymore). We went home shortly there after that and I really kind of forgot about him, lol.

Fast forward at least another month, right after Thanksgiving, and I find myself at the same bar with a different friend (naming her Mary). We discover that Sue is there, too, and we sit and have a drink before we go outside. Low and behold, there is Bob right before my eyes, and he is still just as attractive as I remember. Long story short for this one, me, Mary, Sue, Bob, and a few other people decided we're gonna walk to a different bar a couple of blocks away, and when we get there it's this really fancy rooftop bar with music going and a pretty skyline... really a perfect "date" spot, haha. Me and Mary end up sitting away from everyone and talking, and then Bob comes up wanting to know why we aren't being social, and he asks me to come dance with him (Squee!!!!). Naturally, I oblige. We danced for quite some time, and during this time, I discover some definite chemistry between us and although we kept things tame, that little dancing number was pretty intense. On the way back to the original bar, he offered me his arm and we talked the whole way back. At the end of the night, he makes a point to tell me how much of a great time he had with me and that it really was a pleasure to meet me. And then I go home.

Now, fast forward to Friday night. Mary and I were out on the town again, and ended up at the same bar, where we find... Bob! He's standing amongst a group of people talking and it's freezing, so we go inside for a drink. Then, I go outside and find him still standing there, so I go up and say hi, and I am greeted with a very excited, "Oh Hey!!!" and a hug. Me, Bob, and Mary commence to conversing and we all ended up going inside and grabbed a booth. I sat next to him, and we pretty much all talked the entire night, and the longer we sat, the (physically) closer me and him got, and he ended up having his arm around me "to keep me warm". After that, we essentially were cuddling the entire night and to make another long story short, we exchange numbers before we leave, and I get a goodbye hug and a kiss -- a real one, too, not just a peck. Once again he says how much he enjoyed seeing me and that he'd get in touch with me.

Next morning (Saturday), I get a text from him simply saying "I enjoyed seeing you last night. We should definitely do it again." I responded saying essentially the same thing "I agree! I enjoyed seeing you too. " and after that... nothing. There has been nothing since that point. I probably shouldn't be worrying; I mean it's only just been the weekend, haha. But IDK, part of me kinda wants to say hi but the other part of me wants to leave the ball in his court and not contact him unless he contacts me again. I always hate this part; I never know if I'm coming off too desperate or not. I'm really trying to play it cool this time but it's driving me nuts that I haven't heard from him, lol. Would y'all just leave him be or say hi?
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Old 01-22-2013, 01:38 AM   #2
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One thing to keep in mind...it can be just as hard for a guy to approach a member of the opposite sex as it is for you to approach them. Men can be turned down just as easily as women. Men can be hurt just as easily as women, even if they won't begin to admit it.
I would suggest use some caution. Maybe meet him during the day in a public place for coffee perhaps? I have a tendency get involved too deeply, too quickly...sound familiar?
You don't say how much you've learned about him, but I'd hope that you'd learn enough about him before meeting up with him again. What does he do for a living? Does have any "baggage" that might be deal-breakers for you? Is he really available? Before you give your heart away & fall too hard, make sure you know what you are falling for! That's why meeting him for coffee might be a good idea to learn what is real.
I once met a guy in the way you did. I fell hard. I fell fast. I ended up with more than just a broken heart. He smashed my heart, took a great deal of money & gave me a gift that kept on giving (an STD ...we were only "together" once).
Protect your heart. You've only got one. It's precious. Make sure you know WHO you're giving it to. GOOD LUCK!!!
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Old 01-22-2013, 01:53 AM   #3
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For right now, I know he has a good job in the military and a good portion of the conversation Friday night was about what we all were looking for in a mate; he says he wants kids and a woman he can share his life with. I really would like to see him in a non-bar setting but I'm too scared to ask, lol. Like I said, I don't want to come across as too eager and I wanna keep my guard up as well.
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Old 01-22-2013, 02:05 AM   #4
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I'd wait for him to make contact.
Good luck
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Old 01-22-2013, 04:28 AM   #5
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Wait for him to make contact. He has your number and you made it clear that you are interested in seeing him again. The ball is firmly in his court.

Let him ask to see you in a non-bar setting. You don't need to do any asking.

Good luck.
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Old 01-22-2013, 09:19 AM   #6
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Normally, I'd say send a message asking to meet for coffee but I think in this case, I'd wait. The reason being, he may be willing to see you if you are 'convenient'. If someone is interested in you, they will let you know. I'm surprised he didn't try to make plans but there might be other factors. I'd wait to see what happens but if this turns into a 'kissy face if I happen to see you' situation, then I'd back off.
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Old 01-22-2013, 10:45 AM   #7
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I say wait a little while, if this was last weekend then wait till Thursday to see if he texts you. Then send a casual text "I'm thinking about grabbing a coffee at Starbucks in a bit, would you be interested?" And he can choose to accept or decline but from someone who met their boyfriend of 2 years in a bar and initiated a text after a few days of meeting I know men can be just as intimidated. The trick is to not be overly aggressive but also not to come off as disinterested. You can put yourself out there in a few days and if all signs point to him just wanting to see you when you both are out for drinks then don't ignore them.

The moral of the story if, have some confidence and go with your gut and if he doesn't reciprocate then you're better off!
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Old 01-22-2013, 11:04 AM   #8
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I think it really depends on what type of dynamic you are comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with choosing to be the one who waits for him to contact you first, and knowing that if he is interested enough, he will. There is nothing wrong with being the one who initiates, as long as you won't freak out if he doesn't respond (if you would freak out, then sit on those texting fingers!). It just depends on what feels right to you.
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Old 01-22-2013, 06:19 PM   #9
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Well, I do know in the past, I've been kind of on the aggressive side with guys because I genuinely was desperate to be in a relationship and I know I have a bad habit of coming on too strong too quickly, which is why I wanna hold off and give him the benefit of the doubt. And who knows, if I let things happen naturally and slowly, then maybe it will work out like I want it to! Who says just because I got his phone number that means we need to instantly start being glued at the hip? It really doesn't.

But ya know, at the same time what y'all say runs true... if he's one of those that just wants the little bit of action he gets from me at the bar, well then I don't need him anyway. It does kind of boost my confidence that I can indeed pick up a guy in person... just making him stick is the key at this point, lol. We really haven't had a chance to just sit down and really talk on a one-to-one basis; when we were together Friday night I was actually kinda mad because my friend took over the conversation and started talking about herself and her life and I never could get my two cents in about myself... and all of a sudden I felt really small and unimportant compared to her because well, she's done more and accomplished more than I have and maybe it's silly but I felt like she was stealing my thunder. I really wanted him to get to know ME and talk about all the cool things that I've done and talk about his life and ya know.. get to know him. And allow him to get to know me. And I don't know why she took it over, and although I knew he probably wasn't into her anyway cause obviously his arm was still around me and the things she was talking about weren't things that he seemed to want in a girl, but it was still like "Will you shut up and let me do my thing!" I don't know, I feel like she messed me up, haha.
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Old 01-22-2013, 06:29 PM   #10
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Here's my rule of thumb with guys I meet at the bar. If I give them my phone number and I don't have a date by the next Thursday and I'm generally interested in them, I initiate a text on Thursday night about "thinking of going out Friday, will I see you?" Then I usually have a date for the weekend Sometimes they need a nudge to know you are interested, guys can be clueless sometimes.
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Old 01-22-2013, 06:47 PM   #11
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I might personally of sent another text, just because he did text you first and your reply, if that is exactly what you said, well it doesn't seem too inviting to me! maybe he thought you were just being nice and didn't get any emotional vibe from your reply? it sounds like you just quickly agreed with him & didnt offer anything of your own up! that's just what i got from reading your story.

i would send another text saying you're getting coffee or something like others have suggested.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:02 PM   #12
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I'm honestly curious. If she spent the evening out talking to him, kissed -kissed him, gave him her number and replied to his text that she agreed that they should get together, why would he be unsure? I'm really trying to understand. Maybe I can take this information into my next date.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:15 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ImImportant View Post
I'm honestly curious. If she spent the evening out talking to him, kissed -kissed him, gave him her number and replied to his text that she agreed that they should get together, why would he be unsure? I'm really trying to understand. Maybe I can take this information into my next date.
It's obvious that I didn't do this, but many people do things in the heat of the moment and then rethink things afterward and decide that maybe it wasn't such a good idea. For all he knows (and for all I know), I could be playing him and feeding him a load of bull (or the other way around!). I kinda see what the previous poster said about maybe my text wasn't inviting enough and he may have brushed it off.

Would it be a bad idea to, in a day or two, send something like, "Hey, so I feel like we didn't really get a good chance to talk to each other the other night (since friend dominated the conversation -- of course I wouldn't put this in the text lol), and I really would like to get to know you better. Would you like to go get coffee or something soon?"
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:35 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves View Post
Would it be a bad idea to, in a day or two, send something like, "Hey, so I feel like we didn't really get a good chance to talk to each other the other night (since friend dominated the conversation -- of course I wouldn't put this in the text lol), and I really would like to get to know you better. Would you like to go get coffee or something soon?"
That sounds to me like coming on too strong, too serious. I liked the suggestion of a more casual approach. "Hey, I'm going to swing by Starbucks later today. Want to join me?"

But then again, I haven't been on a date with someone new in 24+ years so what do I know LOL
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:40 PM   #15
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I think it's fine to text what you said above and see what he says back. The important thing is not to hound him and be clingy and needy. He seems interested and eager to do something again, so it doesn't hurt to reach out and give him the opening. Sometimes guys just need that push. He might be thinking "well I told her I wanted to see her again, but she didn't ask when, so I guess she's not interested". Who knows. But it doesn't hurt to reach out and see what happens. Good luck!!!
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