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negative change of perception by others

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Old 01-08-2013, 12:39 AM   #16
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pretty much my whole family..... my sister and uncle especially. my sister is around 250 and is always saying she wants to lose weight but doesnt try at all. when i lost 60 lbs she started saying i was starving myself and i needed to eat some beans and potatoes *smh* my uncle used to make jokes saying itll shame the family if i dont eat my aunts cooking (i come from a family where all the women are big and the men are skinny) so at 166 im basically one of the smaller women in the family. everyone dogs on me and says i need to eat more. w/e i just keep on trucking =)
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Old 01-08-2013, 02:42 AM   #17
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A good friend / work buddy told me "I can't believe how much you have changed in everything"
I realized that I have changed in the following ways:
I am more confident (I have been able to achieve small success in my health etc)
I am goal orientated (I set small goals and am able to achieve them, before looking for the next goal)
I am selfish (I think about my health, exercise first before I think of others)

For you to have lost the weight you have, means that you have also changed your way of thinking and how you do things. So your friend might also be seeing these positive changes in you but unable to verbalise why she is so upset.

One of the ladies at work who was avoiding me because she was gaining weight while I was loosing told me the other day. "You are such an inspiration, I have told my husband about your transformation and we are going to change our lifestyle this year." - I was blown away, I really didn't expect it from her.

The lesson: you have changed, not just on the outside. Give your friend time to come around to realize what an inspiration you are for taking the steps to success. If she doesn't come round, then she was never a true friend.
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MG1:20lbs 14-08-12 now 21/7/14;MG2:167-bmi o/w ?? :50lbs down??
oopsie - restart 22-08-2013@164 oopsie x2 restart 27-12-13@173 again 185lbs 15.07.14
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:32 AM   #18
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A very important life lesson that I've learned is to understand the nature of jealousy. There are TWO types of jealousy, positive jealousy and negative jealousy as I'd like to call them.

Positive jealousy is something we all feel and should feel. It drives us to succeed, it helps us visualize our goals and makes a positive impact for our lives. It allows us to admire another person's success and be inspired by it. People who are driven by positive jealous say "Wow, look what she has accomplished - I want to accomplish that too!!"

Negative jealousy is inevitable sometimes and can really cause a strain in our lives and relationships if we don't steer it in a positive direction. Negative jealousy causes us to shrink into ourselves, judge others and exude malice. It causes us to resent others. People who are driven by negative jealousy say "Wow, look what she has accomplished - I wish she would fail!!"

Your job is to decide for yourself, which type of jealousy is this friend exhibiting? Negative jealousy is ok for a bit, it's irrational and instinctive. But a true friend and a mature adult has the capacity to turn things around into positive jealousy. People who are consistantly negative are toxic and it's best to avoid them at all cost.

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Originally Posted by lucky216 View Post
[i] Ever since I found out I hurt her feelings I have been extra conscious about what I am saying, and I try to tell her something positive about herself every day I see her.
Try not to tell her something positive, you're just patronizing her. You don't have to be apologetic about your weight loss. And if she ever implies again that you think you are superior to her simply reply "I'm not superior to anyone, I'm just a more successful version of who I always was."
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Old 01-08-2013, 07:14 PM   #19
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Thank you all for your insight on this. It is so nice to be able to share with all of you and learn from your responses.
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