That is hard to make someone lose weight against his will. The best chance to convince him to make a change is to get some help from his friends/associates. If there's someone into biking, martial arts or any other sport the guys love, they could ask him to join them. That would leave him less time to hang around the fridge.
There's also men's corner on this site, maybe you could ask them, they know better how guys mind works.
I wouldn't day that it's against his will, because he really does want to get healthier. He just has a hard time following a plan and doesn't take suggestions well even though his plan until now has set him up for failure. From my discussion with him today it seems like he's finally turning a corner and making healthy decisions that are much more sustainable. And it's so refreshing to hear him talk like that!
He's really big into hiking but he hasn't been able to keep up with the group he normally goes with because he's out of shape. So lately he's been hiking on his lunch breaks or before work so he can get back to going with them.
And I really do believe he needs to get out of the house more simply to get away from the fridge. But he's like me and isn't exactly a social butterfly, unfortunately.
I just lost my father in February...and he had a love for food. He was diabetic (uncontrolled, mom wouldn't let him take insulin...she is holistic) with high BP, then had strokes and couldn't walk or talk for 5 years. It was horrible to see my strong, loving father go thru this.
In restrospect, he had depression, and mom's late life crisis of the stuff she did really pushed him over the brink (I'm not blaming it on mom, but acknowledging factors), and he took care of himself less and less.
I lived too far from him and saw him too infrequently to have a loving conversation telling him how concerned I was. Mom nagged him (nagged him, what all men adore), but she couldn't control him from a mid afternoon drive to get a cheeseburger for a snack. He found comfort and solace in food.
I think the only things I could've done if I had lived closer were to make sure he didn't have a primary problem (for him, diabetes and depression) and make sure he was medicated for it (FWIW - he went to my doctor when he visited me alone and the dr put him on glipizide, my mom had a COW). AND get him out more, do more things with him, make sure he was enjoying life. Make sure he had hobbies, and he didn't sit at home eating all day.
So I agree with the other chicks - you can't make him lose weight or talk him into it, but you can make sure he is okay otherwise, and if he's a happy stable person, make sure he has other things to do. (and this will be hard with distance for you too, but lots of phone calls and encouragement!)
I'm so sorry to hear that. My condolences.
And wow, that sounds nearly exactly like my family and the dynamics between my parents. From your story and what others have said, it seems like I need to lead by example and keep him occupied, happy, and away from food. So much easier said than done!
Do you live in the same town?
You could ask him to go walking with you as
you don't feel really safe walking on your own...
Men like to solve problems, they like to feel they
are taking care of their family and daughters will
always be their dad's little girl.
I live several states away, unfortunately. But every time I'm home I do make it a point to do something active with him. And I make sure to ask about his hiking when we talk on the phone (he LOVES to hike) so he remembers to keep working out and not stop for whatever reason.
And yes, he is totally a man in the solving problems department, which is why imparting any sort of advice has been impossible. He's coming to these conclusions himself lately and seems really proud to have come up with his plan, even though everything he says is something I've been talking about for years. I don't point that out to him, but on the inside I'm patting myself on the back big time.
You cannot force him to lose weight and you can set the example. Saying he should is just a cope out as to why you aren't doing what you want him to.
That is very true. I often feel hypocritical when I talk to him about weight-loss and he doesn't miss a chance to tell me that. However, I've stepped up my nagging about this because it's become a serious health issue for him while it isn't one for me yet, and that's my main argument when this subject comes up between us.
Regardless, I should practice what I preach because ultimately that will carry the most weight.
I've even fairly successful with my most recent weight-loss effort and I think that has helped my dad see that he needs to do something as well (see my response to the previous poster). I think he realizes how hard this has been for me and now that I'm succeeding (slowly but surely) I think he sees that it is possible for him as well.
So I'm kind of surprised that even though I haven't dropped to a healthy weight quite yet, he's taking it as inspiration. And that's even more reason for me to continue losing.
That's great
I think when someone close to use loses weight, we see that it's possible. My best friend losing weight really helped me get started! We see success stories on TV, online, in the newspaper, etc. However, these people aren't "real" to us.
Suddenly someone we know loses weight and it becomes a possibility, it's "real."
My whole family has always been big and I was told from a young age that we were just "supposed" to be big. I broke away from that and got to where I am now. My family saw that it was possible and they've all been losing weight.
It certainly makes my life easier, too. I still live at home so healthy food choices are easier to come by.
