Family dynamics changing with a baby - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

serendipity907 · 12-22-2012, 01:39 PM

My nephew is nearly one years old, and I've noticed that ever since he was born, there has been a big change in the family 'dynamic'. I guess i just wanted to know if this is normal or not.

My brother married my now SIL, and I get along with them both very well and get along great with my nephew. They are 24 and I am 22. Before they had their first child, any family time always included all of us. (This was typically my dad, my nan, my brother, sil and me)

However since my nephew was born it seems like I've become excluded from any of these family events. Aside from Christmas and Birthdays, I *never* receive an invite anymore (Whereas before it was at least once or twice a month). It's not even so much that I haven't been invited as I always say with family you don't really need an invite, but it's almost like I'm subtly told to not come.

I try to shrug it off but my mum has started getting very annoyed with the situation as well. And tbh, I'm getting a bit sick of it too! For example, this evening some family friends who we only really see at Christmas were coming to visit as usual. Only, I ring up my nan to check when they are arriving and I'm told they're all going to see my brother at his home and go out for a meal, and I'm basically assumed to not be coming for no good reason.

Has anyone experienced this kind of situation?

BreathingSpace · 12-22-2012, 02:10 PM

So, just to be clear here, it's just you who is being excluded? Why don't you just ask your brother what's going on?

bargoo · 12-22-2012, 02:30 PM

I was going to ask, why don't you ask your brother why you are not included .

Mozzy · 12-22-2012, 03:18 PM

Sometimes people with kids lose their ability to socialize with people without kids. I really don't have any single friends anymore...
But as family you should say something.
Good luck

serendipity907 · 12-22-2012, 04:15 PM

I have mentioned it to my brother before, but he tends to just shrug it off as he is always the last person to make a fuss. I know it isn't his idea as it were. It seems to be my dad and his mum (My nan) who are more concerned with it being just them.

I guess it feels as though I'm being treated as if I'm expendable as I don't have children.

losermom · 12-23-2012, 08:37 AM

I'm confused. Are your parents still together? Are they including your mom or not? If it was me I'd talk to my SIL, in a non-judgemental way of course, so that she's sure that you wish to be included.

krampus · 12-24-2012, 09:58 AM

No, this doesn't sound normal at all. Is there any bad blood known? This sounds fishy...

bargoo · 12-24-2012, 10:12 AM

I am wondering if there is a gigantic misubderstanding somewhere. Is it possible that yor brother and SIL might think you don't want to participate.

Arctic Mama · 12-24-2012, 11:25 PM

Could it also be that they're just being absentminded or there might have been some misunderstanding that you don't enjoy time with their family anymore? If this is sudden and things were previously fine, that's a bit weird.

I do agree that it becomes difficult to socialize with folks without kids once you have them, though. The topics change and so do the concerns, I find my friends-without-kids tend to not be able to relate to me anymore, or are uncomfortable around children. It's not a problem with them or me, just that our lives are in different stages.

MrsTryingAgain · 12-24-2012, 11:56 PM

Sorry to hear this, serendipity907. It sucks. Had the same thing happen between my cousin & I. We were really super close...her, my hubby & I. We'd go out to dinner/movies together, go camping together, even went to Disneyland twice. We were very unceremoniously dumped for some friends of hers who just happened to move back into the area. The visits & calls became fewer & fewer. Finally they dwindled down to none. I tried calling her, no answer & no call back.

Maybe ask. But be ready for no real answers. I for one think it is very rude to invite part of a family, but not all UNLESS there is a REALLY, REALLY GOOD REASON! We have a sister who drinks waaay too much thus causing lots & lots of drama...she isn't invited to a lot of things, mostly because we don't want to call the cops.

I know it hurts. Maybe make other plans if you can. Try not to focus on it much, because it WILL MAKE YOU CRAZY!!! I almost let all this family stuff drive me to near insanity. You, serendipity907, are worth more than this! You desrve to be loved, included & I hope others realize that ASAP!

BTW: I wish I could create a group for those of us who have been "dumped" by family. I'd try my darndest to create a "family" just for us. A "family" that includes all & gives the love & support we may not get from those who SHOULD give it to us!!!

georgialee · 12-28-2012, 10:06 AM

Could you maybe offer to babysit for them? That would be a way to get back "in" without opening a huge can of worms.

If it were to continue after that I would sit down with your brother & SIL. They may think you don't want to be hanging around since you don't have kids or they could not realize what they're doing.

CanadianCutie · 12-28-2012, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by georgialee

Could you maybe offer to babysit for them? That would be a way to get back "in" without opening a huge can of worms.

If it were to continue after that I would sit down with your brother & SIL. They may think you don't want to be hanging around since you don't have kids or they could not realize what they're doing.

Honestly I think the babysitting is not a good idea. Cause there's the chance they'd leave her with the baby and go out with the others in her family, thus making the problem worse.