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Blind First Date and I'm Overweight!

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Old 12-05-2012, 09:01 PM   #1
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Default Blind First Date and I'm Overweight!

Hello everyone! Gosh.. this is embarassing. I'm 5'1 and a size 16. So, you can imagine, it's been hard getting the self esteem to date. Actually, I used to be a size 18 and 20 pounds heaver, but I've been losing weight. I told myself that I wasn't going to date because I wanted to wait until I had something to offer a guy looks-wise as well as my personality.

I started talking to someone from a website a while back, and we've grown pretty close (well as close as you can without meeting) and he invited me to a "staycation" this weekend with him.. he's paying for a hotel, dinner.... everything. He really wants to meet. I've been very honest, I told him I have about another 50 pounds to lose, and he still wants to meet me. Which is fine and dandy, but this guy is gorgeous. I mean.. he's absolutely stunning. He told me that I already won him over with my personality, and that it's more important then a lot of things.. but seriously, I am really overweight still. It's disgusting.

I told myself I wouldn't put myself in this situation, but I met him too soon. He is paying for an entire weekend with me and I worry that he will see me and regret it!

Guys, would weight matter this much to you if you care about a girl's personality? Would the fact that she's getting healthier make a difference?

Girls, what would you do in my situation?

I've included a photo for added consideration :P


http://i1321.photobucket.com/albums/...o1982/muah.jpg
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:10 PM   #2
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I haven't been in this type of situation myself, but my husband said that he thinks it's strange that this guy is paying for a hotel stay without ever having met you. He said it sounds to him like this guy might be after only one thing, and in which case it may not matter to him what you weigh.

If the two of you really want to meet in person, why not go out to a cafe or to dinner or bowling or a movie or something along those lines? If I were you I'd be less worried about my weight than I would be about safety.

You say he's gorgeous, has he seen a picture of you? Also, how do you know that the picture he sent you is what he really looks like?

I'm not saying that a fit, healthy man wouldn't want to go out with an overweight woman, but I am saying that you need to be careful no matter what.

Sorry if that response wasn't helpful, but that's how I feel. Good luck!
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:14 PM   #3
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I think you look great, and you deserve to date "gorgeous" men!

Go out, have fun, enjoy meeting this new person!

(I probably would skip the hotel, but other than that, party like its 1999!)
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:16 PM   #4
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Something strikes me as off about this whole situation. Nothing to do with your weight, but like the previous poster said, I would be concerned about wanting to spend the ENTIRE weekend with you just to "meet" you. Why not meet for dinner or drinks? I would be worried he only wants you for some hanky panky, and thinks that because of your weight you might be more willing to give it. It's such an awful way of thinking, but I have met men who believe bigger women will give it up easier just because of their size.

Those concerns aside, if you have been honest about your weight, there is nothing you can do but be your fabulous self when you meet. If there are any problems with it, they are HIS problems and not yours! I have dated guys who really like bigger girls...and they were good-looking, fit men. Some guys really do like those figures.

If I were in your situation, I would send up to date pictures, meet for a few drinks, and take it from there. Let us know what you decide to do!
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:17 PM   #5
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My husband is gorgeous. I have to push women away from him.

And you know what? When I met him, I was a size 22. He loved me anyway. He had no reason not to. I'm snarky, funny, I love cars, video games and I'm comfortable enough with myself to have a great time with him.

So relax. He's going out on a date with you for -you-. Got me?
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:18 PM   #6
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Hey guys! I've been talking to him for a pretty long time, I've seen him interact with friends and family on facebook, etc.. but don't worry, I will make sure I'm safe!

I sent him this photo.
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:25 PM   #7
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Have you shown him more than a head shot photo so there's no surprises? I just wouldn't want you to wind up with your feelings hurt. I also think its strange for a first time meet-up to include a hotel but you're an adult, just make sure someone knows where you're going.
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:26 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rikku View Post
I sent him this photo.
Ok, all should be fine then. Have a good time.
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:26 PM   #9
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Did anyone else think about the French Model commercial and the internet?

"Uh...Bonjour!"
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:50 PM   #10
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I think the hotel arrangement sounds shady.
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:57 PM   #11
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A lot of people, even many drop-dead-gorgeous people aren't hung up on looks, and/or have a wide range of body-type preferences.

At nearly 400 lbs, I dated men that were very attractive - attractive enough for some thinner women to feel threatened or cocky enough to try to "win" my date away from me (after all, what could I possibly have to offer an attractive, sexy man).

My husband (also a big, not traditionally considered sexy guy) has also dated women of widely different backgrounds and levels of attractiveness. All of them have been thinner than I, and therefore by society's standards, more attractive. A few (and one in particular) have been STUNNING.

Looking at photos, one would wonder why he dumped the stunning blonde who could easily be a supermodel (and why she would consider dating such a fat guy - even with his charm, wit, intelligence, and generosity). He's tall and "would be" quite handsome if he were thinner (but we all know that fat makes a person instantly ugly, right? Absolutely not, some of us don't see extra padding as an inherent defect).

The truth is simple, for some people, weight just isn't a big issue. My husband and I are each about 100 lbs smaller than we met - no difference in our attraction for each other.

Part of it is perception. I've always felt like a hottie, and so I could always find men who saw that in me, and were attracted to it. Some of them were very attractive (by societal standards) and some weren't.

My husband STILL has women (some quite pretty) trying to "steal him" away from me. Personally, I think they see it as a challenge or maybe assume it won't be a challenge at all - because of course why would he choose fat, old me over hot, young them. And hubby despite being disabled now and still fat, is still often seen as quite a catch, apparently. He's 6'2" with long, auburn hair (that now has more gray, but it still makes him seem very strong and imposing, even when he's using a cane. He's extremely outgoing, funny, and charming. He's well-read and well-versed on so many subjects that he can carry on an intelligent conversation on just about any subject from art to politics to astrophysics.

His weight doesn't diminish his awesomeness, and neither does mine. Before we met (and how we met is because) we dated awesome people who were awesome in a variety of ways. Sometimes looks were involved, and sometimes not. We didn't see anyone as an incomplete package if they weren't awesome in absolutely every way (in fact, no one is awesome in every way).

And it's not just those of us who are "disgustingly" overweight who aren't looking for perfection, or who must settle for less than perfection - that's everyone. No one is the "complete package," and not everyone is looking for it anyway. There are many of us, "gorgeous" and not who recognize that a person is more than the sum of all of their good qualities.

My gorgeous sister (who has just recently become overweight, probably about your weight now) just met and is dating a very, very cute guy who thinks my sister is absolutely gorgeous exactly as she is. He saw her picture on a dating site and was instantly captivated by her beauty (he says, and she is beautiful. A bit curvy with some "junk in the trunk" but extremely beautiful anyway).

Maybe he was feeding her a line, but they've begun dating, and it turns out they seem to be (so far) perfect for each other.

You can wait until you consider yourself "worthy" of happiness, or you can decide you're worthy now. It's your choice.

On one hand, I wasted many years thinking I had to wait to date, but on the other, if I hadn't waited (just as if I hadn't decided not to continue waiting) I wouldn't have met my amazing hubby.

Both are legitimate choices, so you just have to decide which is right for you at this moment.
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Last edited by kaplods : 12-05-2012 at 10:01 PM.
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Old 12-05-2012, 09:58 PM   #12
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I don't have much to add except to say:
1) I think you're gorgeous, and I like your outfit in that picture.

2) It is a bit weird about the hotel thing, but I'm sure there's more to the story than we're getting. Just be wary, be careful.

3) Tell us how it went!!

Also, I know how you feel. A while back I was going to see someone who I hadn't seen for a while and he knew me back when I was 120 lb (and at that point I was 160) so I was quite nervous. Turns out he honestly didn't even care or seem to notice, he just kept complimenting me that I was hot. :-)
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Old 12-05-2012, 11:53 PM   #13
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hey hun i met my hubby on a blind date...i was about a size 20 aussie or perhaps an 18 but i think it was a 20...can't remember it was over 10 years ago...he is gorgeous to me...6 foot blonde with blue eyes..i am a 5 foot 3 inches
tall and very chubby..i am now very overweight but he still loves me the way i am...it astounds me all the time that he thinks i am sexy...now i am 40 and 20 stone and i often get compliments from complete strangers on my style of dress and my hair..i colour it all sorts of colours and i think it suits me...so i believe you don't have to be skinny or a super model to find love and have people appreciate your look...just be your confident self...love who you are now and continue to be healthy and active...i am changing my life to improve my health and live the rest of my life with the man i love!! all the best and good luck on your date...yes be careful sweetheart!!..cheers liz
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Old 12-06-2012, 12:32 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Missy Krissy View Post
I haven't been in this type of situation myself, but my husband said that he thinks it's strange that this guy is paying for a hotel stay without ever having met you. He said it sounds to him like this guy might be after only one thing, and in which case it may not matter to him what you weigh.

If the two of you really want to meet in person, why not go out to a cafe or to dinner or bowling or a movie or something along those lines? If I were you I'd be less worried about my weight than I would be about safety.

You say he's gorgeous, has he seen a picture of you? Also, how do you know that the picture he sent you is what he really looks like?

I'm not saying that a fit, healthy man wouldn't want to go out with an overweight woman, but I am saying that you need to be careful no matter what.

Sorry if that response wasn't helpful, but that's how I feel. Good luck!
That was my reaction too.
From what we can see in the photo I think you look fine.
But I'd be more concerned about you going off for a weekend as your first meeting.
You didn't say how far away you are going but be very careful. It would be much safer to meet in a public area first then decide if you want to take it further.
Also if you decide after you meet that you really are not a great match the weekend will seem incredibly long.
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Old 12-06-2012, 12:36 AM   #15
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If he doesn't accept you as you are then he doesn't deserve you, simple as that.

goodluck.
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