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Blind First Date and I'm Overweight!

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Old 12-06-2012, 01:43 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Rikku View Post
Well obviously I'm not going into it thinking it's going to be a one night thing, but if that's what happens, then so be it. I just want to have fun

I've done it just once before.. I don't regret it.

I'm going up from out of town. He only lives 45 minutes away, but it's in a resort style hotel. So it should be a lot of fun.
If you don't mind that then have fun. Just make sure to check in with a friend along the way!
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:53 PM   #32
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Hello! I'm a newbie so I'm not sure how much my opinion is worth but I just wanted to say pleeze make sure you a) tell a friend your itinerary and where you are going and b) have an agreement that you will call by certain times to let them know you are ok.

Otherwise, have fun! (and I agree about the STD thing. Ask him for his test results.)
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:59 PM   #33
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also log onto 3FC and give us all the dirt, this is far more exciting than my own life :P
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:24 PM   #34
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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

First off, don't ever call yourself disgusting just because you happen to be overweight. Honey, I'm a size 16 these days myself, which is considerably smaller than the size 24-30+ I was wearing back when I was dating. I doubt you'd ever have the heart to call any of your friends or even a perfect stranger like me "disgusting" for being overweight, so why are you doing it to yourself?

Secondly, there are actually a lot of guys out there that will think you have plenty to offer even though you don't fit the impossibly high standards of so-called beauty. If this guy keeps talking to you online, it's because he's drawn to your personality and intelligence! It's most likely what he's attracted to, and any fear you've had about your appearance will fall into the background. He's already seen photos of you anyway, right? You're human! He's not expecting some plascticoid fantasy avatar or anything like that.

And third, trust your gut! Take precautions to make sure you're safe of course, step back to think with your head as well as your heart, and set clear boundaries with him before you meet in person. Let him know what you want and expect, and what you will not tolerate. The STD testing previously mentioned by others is not a bad idea either. Also be sure to let others in your life know where you plan on being and to check back if they don't hear from you by a certain time.

. . .

So where am I coming from here? To give a little background, some guy really liked one of the sketches I'd posted online and started talking to me in a chat room I hung out in. He eventually asked for my IM handle and we became best friends over the course of a year. I barely knew his real name and had seen only one teeny photo of him by the time I'd fallen in love. Sounds perfectly crazy to those outside the situation, and I really can't blame them. He felt the same way about me too, and when we talked on the phone for the first time the subject of marriage and kids were brought up. And we obviously hadn't even met yet!

He arranged to fly me out to meet him in person a few months later. Hotel room, vacation, the works. Some of my friends were supportive, but most were like, "OMG, what the h3ll are you getting yourself into, do you know how dangerous that is, how easy it is to lie about yourself online, blah blah blah?!" So yeah, I heard it all. And I decided to trust my gut.

Turned out to be a wonderful experience. In fact, the only real issue was being all worried about my weight . . . I was 285 pounds at the time, in a size 24/26. But all the worry was over nothing, as it didn't matter to this guy at all. He already loved me for my mind and the way we were connected; he told me over and over again that looks didn't matter and that he already found me beautiful and incredibly attractive, no matter what. When it was time to fly back home, I sobbed uncontrollably; it was like the fairy tale had ended. We kept in touch just like we had before as I worked to put my life in order. It took another six months before we got our own place and I moved across the country to be with him. Despite all the flack both he and I got from friends and family for diving into our relationship over such non-traditional means, we somehow knew exactly what we were getting into long before we met in person. We "met" online in late 2005, started LD-dating in 2006, met in person and moved in together in 2007, and got married in 2010.

I obviously can't guarantee what the future holds for you, but the very last thing you should be worried about is what he thinks of your weight. If it ends up being an issue with him, he's simply not worth it. The internet is a fascinating way to get to know someone; while it's true that people can lie about who they are more easily, I think it's also easier to bare our souls to each other, without the peskiness of visual stereotypes and other emotional baggage getting in the way. Looking at the grand scheme of things, if you've found the love of your life no amount of weight is going to drive him away, and if it's just a fling, it's just a fling. Just be aware of what you may be getting yourself into!

Good luck to you and keep in touch with us here. And once again, set clear boundaries with him beforehand and take steps to ensure your safety; that should really be your main priority here, not what size dress you can fit into.
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:47 PM   #35
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Give a friend or family member all the details including:
His name, contact info and a picture.
The hotel you are staying at and room number
Times that you will check in (I'd suggest just sending a text message to the friend throughout the weekend)

Also give yourself an out and work that out with the guy. Tell him that you may leave Saturday night or may get your own hotel room.

Have a friend call you at a check in time to give yourself an out "your grandma slipped and fell and is in the hospital". Something where you can provide an excuse to leave if need be.

Instinct is your friend here and if you feel off at any time during the weekend, don't feel guilty about backing out.
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:55 PM   #36
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Why not Skype?? Face time anything! It's free. Please, please make sure he is who he says he is before going there.
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:55 PM   #37
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If you do the text message thing then make sure to have code words that mean you are ok vs not ok. He could send a text just as easily as you could.

I met a guy online and had a short relationship with him until I found out he was a) lying about his name b) lying about his age and c) a felon who has a penchant for young girls so...yeah...people are not always who they seem
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Old 12-06-2012, 03:47 PM   #38
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My sweetie is what I would describe as tall, dark, and handsome. He's 6'3, 225#, and although he's got a little body fat he doesn't even have a gut and he's very muscular.

I'm 5'5" and- well you can see my photo. I'm plain. And overweight.

And he's been with me 12 years. When we started dating I was 135 lbs and looked as good as I ever have. And yet he tells me he's more attracted to me now than ever.

So I 100% believe that a fit and attractive man can be attracted to a bigger woman. I do agree, since this is a blind date that you need to be careful. The fact that he got a hotel room implies that he might expect sex right away, which I don't know if that's a good idea or not. Some guys will say and do anything to get laid, and then never call you again. I've found that the good ones will stick around if you say no, and the bad ones won't, and it's better to say no the first time and see if they run or stay. I'm not saying tease him, but rather if you're not comfortable with sex right away state it plainly up front and see what happens. Just my suggestion.
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Old 12-06-2012, 04:12 PM   #39
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I met a few people that I talked with for a long time over the internet ... way back before WWW, in fact, so through IRC. I never had any problems and they were all long distance so this meant stopovers, either in their homes, mine or in one case in an hotel in London (for which he paid).

None of them expected me to *put out* but it happens that one relationship had become so intense over the internet that this was a very natural progression, which I do not regret.

I met my now spouse over the internet, too. She is gorgeous, tall and slim and much younger and we are devoted. Neither my age nor chubbiness meant a thing to her.

I love the internet if only for the fact you can correspond on a much deeper level than face to face because you are not held back by body language or cultural differences, not swayed by stereotyping or pre-conditioning. One could say this is a bad thing because you ignore warning signals but no matter how good someone is they will slip up and you will get vibes. (this does not apply to children, of course, who are much more vulnerable). By and large though, if you speak with people long enough you do get a really good impression of who they are.

One perhaps poignant relationship I had as a result of the internet was with a wonderful guy who I met on IRC. We spoke for months and had a lot of fun and meeting up was discussed. To be honest it was me who suggested it and he agreed and invited me to stay with him at his home. This was the first time I ever met anyone from the internet and I was nervous but confident. We had prgressed to speaking on the telephone, by the way. He told me the night before I was to drive to his city that he was in a wheelchair and suffering from MS. He did not control his body that well and it was becoming progressively worse. It made no difference to me anyway. When we met I saw neither his wheelchair, nor his motor difficulties, I just saw the wonderful man with whom I had shared such a lot. We had a great, full, funny and wonderful relationship for some months and then a rather lovely young lady (who I forgive because she made him very happy for as long as he lived) stole him from me!

I know there are some horror stories out there but my own experiences were positive and rewarding and in all cases I had a great deal of internet contact, and telephone contact, with anyone I met.

So I wish you a happy, positive and fulfilling experience and adventure.
I could have written most of the above post because so much of it applies to me. Back in the mid 90's I also chatted with people online on IRC and, later, the internet. I met women online and carried on conversations (first online, then later, by phone) with several women (not at the same time) over the course of several years -- until the time I met my wife.

Of the the women I talked to online and on the phone, I eventually met several of them on a "first date." --- But many of them weren't really like a first date, because we already knew so much about either other. The only real thing to be determined was if there was any physical chemistry between us once we met in person.

About 7 of the women that I met online this way I actually planned to spend the night with when we finally first met, and did just that. Mind you, I only did this when I was meeting somebody who didn't live locally. If I was meeting somebody local, we usually met for dinner, lunch, etc. pretty soon after we first talked online. But when I met somebody far away, and we really clicked after talking with each other a lot, we eventually planned to meet. Most of those meetings took place at a vacation spot, like Disney or Universal Studios, etc. Of those 7 women, I had romantic encounters with four of them. But with one exception, it was not per-ordained that we would have sex. On that one occasion we both knew it would be a one-night stand type of thing even before we met. With two others, I had a great time being together, but nothing further ever came of it. (Not my choice). Then there was one where I got my heart broken.

Back in 97 I met a girl online when I was living in Jamaica for 6 months. I met her online on IRC. We then started talking on the phone and really hit it off. Because I was in over in Jamaica at the time, we couldn't meet right away. But in the months that we talked, we really grew quite fond of each other. In fact, we actually considered ourselves to be in a long distance relationship before we actually met. We even said the "L" word to each other without ever even as much as seeing a picture of each other. I know how silly that sounds, and I am a little embarrassed admitting this because of how naive I was at the time. Well, eventually we did meet in person. I flew up to NJ where she lives. We had a great weekend together. Everything was great. But then a few months later when I was planning on seeing her again, she broke it off. She said she didn't feel a "spark" between us. I now understand it completely. It was very foolish for both of us to allow ourselves to fall in love without ever having met -- because, in reality, that physical attraction was important. Fortunately for me, I was very attracted to her. But apparently, that feeling wasn't mutual. You live and learn.

The reason why I brought all of this up is because -- while I understand why so many of the other commentators here are concerned about the hotel thing on your "first date" -- I can also completely understand why you are meeting your blind date for a weekend staycation, due to my own experiences doing the very same thing. I understand that this seems weird and risky to many people who haven't been in this type of 'relationship'. But, I think what most of them fail to grasp is just how well you can get to know somebody before you actually meet them in person. Think about this: Just how well do you get to know somebody by meeting them in person and going on a few dates with them? How much would you actually talk in that time? It is more likely that you would know more about that person if you had talked a lot on the phone before meeting. THAT is what I think a lot of people are losing sight of. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you should completely let your guard down. But I don't think that the whole situation is weird as other people have expressed.

The main piece of advice that I would give to you is to not let your insecurities about your body damper your spirit or take over your personality. Be confident! Try to be the same person that he knows from talking to you on the phone. THAT is what he will expect. If you let your insecurity and self-doubt take over, then you won't be the person he is hoping to meet. In that case, you might very well create a self-fulfilling prophecy by acting in such a manor that results in the very scenario that you are so desperately trying to avoid. The best way to avoid that scenario is to just be yourself and not worry about what he might think about your body.

Anyway, sorry about rambling on and on about myself. But I just thought you might want to hear from someone else who has done the same thing and finds nothing weird about it. and good luck with the meeting! I'm sure there are many people here who will be eagerly awaiting hearing from you about how it all goes.
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Old 12-06-2012, 04:22 PM   #40
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So where am I coming from here? To give a little background, some guy really liked one of the sketches I'd posted online and started talking to me in a chat room I hung out in. He eventually asked for my IM handle and we became best friends over the course of a year. I barely knew his real name and had seen only one teeny photo of him by the time I'd fallen in love. Sounds perfectly crazy to those outside the situation, and I really can't blame them. He felt the same way about me too, and when we talked on the phone for the first time the subject of marriage and kids were brought up. And we obviously hadn't even met yet!

He arranged to fly me out to meet him in person a few months later. Hotel room, vacation, the works. Some of my friends were supportive, but most were like, "OMG, what the h3ll are you getting yourself into, do you know how dangerous that is, how easy it is to lie about yourself online, blah blah blah?!" So yeah, I heard it all. And I decided to trust my gut.

Turned out to be a wonderful experience. In fact, the only real issue was being all worried about my weight . . . I was 285 pounds at the time, in a size 24/26. But all the worry was over nothing, as it didn't matter to this guy at all. He already loved me for my mind and the way we were connected; he told me over and over again that looks didn't matter and that he already found me beautiful and incredibly attractive, no matter what. When it was time to fly back home, I sobbed uncontrollably; it was like the fairy tale had ended. We kept in touch just like we had before as I worked to put my life in order. It took another six months before we got our own place and I moved across the country to be with him. Despite all the flack both he and I got from friends and family for diving into our relationship over such non-traditional means, we somehow knew exactly what we were getting into long before we met in person. We "met" online in late 2005, started LD-dating in 2006, met in person and moved in together in 2007, and got married in 2010.
WOW! That's amazing! Your experience sounds SO MUCH like the one I had --- except mine didn't have the "happily ever after" ending like yours did. (Although I later found, and married, my soul mate, so all is well.) Until I read your story, I had never heard or read about anybody else falling in love with another person before actually meeting them in person.
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Old 12-06-2012, 04:36 PM   #41
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Awe! You guys are a bunch of softies! I love it!

Thanks for your experiences. It was fun to read all of them. I'm thinking this will likely just be a nice get away from my crazy life, and I'm sure we'll get along. If more happens, great! If not, I know I've made a friend.

Oh! To be totally honest, sex doesn't sound so bad right now. It's been...... awhile. But don't worry, it would be safe


I'll update!
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Old 12-06-2012, 05:24 PM   #42
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Awe! You guys are a bunch of softies! I love it!

Thanks for your experiences. It was fun to read all of them. I'm thinking this will likely just be a nice get away from my crazy life, and I'm sure we'll get along. If more happens, great! If not, I know I've made a friend.

Oh! To be totally honest, sex doesn't sound so bad right now. It's been...... awhile. But don't worry, it would be safe


I'll update!
I hope you have a wonderful first meeting. Let us know how it goes!
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Old 12-06-2012, 05:31 PM   #43
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Awe! You guys are a bunch of softies! I love it!

Thanks for your experiences. It was fun to read all of them. I'm thinking this will likely just be a nice get away from my crazy life, and I'm sure we'll get along. If more happens, great! If not, I know I've made a friend.

Oh! To be totally honest, sex doesn't sound so bad right now. It's been...... awhile. But don't worry, it would be safe


I'll update!
That's a very good attitude to have going in to your date. The more you get to know somebody before you meet them, the bigger chance there is for a disappointment or worse -- heart break -- if things don't work out. I am glad that you are not going into this date with any lofty expectations. I've learned the hard way that isn't a good idea! Anyway, have fun!
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Old 12-06-2012, 05:38 PM   #44
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The reason why I brought all of this up is because -- while I understand why so many of the other commentators here are concerned about the hotel thing on your "first date" -- I can also completely understand why you are meeting your blind date for a weekend staycation, due to my own experiences doing the very same thing. I understand that this seems weird and risky to many people who haven't been in this type of 'relationship'. But, I think what most of them fail to grasp is just how well you can get to know somebody before you actually meet them in person. Think about this: Just how well do you get to know somebody by meeting them in person and going on a few dates with them? How much would you actually talk in that time? It is more likely that you would know more about that person if you had talked a lot on the phone before meeting. THAT is what I think a lot of people are losing sight of. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you should completely let your guard down. But I don't think that the whole situation is weird as other people have expressed.
I don't think meeting someone online is weird, I think caution should be exercised though. There are as many horror stories as their are success. The first few months of dating my husband were long distance but we knew eachother prior.

I've known people who clicked on the phone but didn't click in person and created an awkward situation. I know someone who 'dated' someone online for months and was raped. I knew others who 'dated' someone that created a false persona. Then there are stories of people who were kidnapped or killed by someone they met online. Women can never be too cautious because you never know.

And I'd say the same about meeting someone in person. I wouldn't recommend staying in a hotel room with someone you just met or what not for similar reasons.
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Old 12-06-2012, 06:46 PM   #45
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also log onto 3FC and give us all the dirt, this is far more exciting than my own life :P
I agree! Can't wait for the update! LOL.
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