What Would You Do? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

LAgreeneyes · 07-03-2012, 03:49 PM

My situation..........

A guy that my best friend knows asked her if she had any single friends. She said yes. Well that single friend is ME. She asked me if she could give this guy my number and I told her yes. Well he called and we talked. We have been talking on the phone for about 2 months. He lives about 1 hour away. He lives in the same city that my best friend does. Well, he invited me to a get together in the city where he lives and said that some of his family and friends would be there. I accepted the invitation. I had already seen a pic of him and he had seen a pic of me. I wasn't overly excited or thrilled at his pic. But he wasn't an ugly guy. But at the same time, he is 15 years older than I am. I am 45 and he is 60 yrs old. I am not looking for someone that age.

Well, the day arrives and we finally meet. I take one look at him and I wanted to run home. I was NOT attracted to him but I already knew that. So, I get out of my vehicle and greet him. He grabs my hand and begins to hold my hand as he leads me into the house (DEAL BREAKER). I was very uncomfortable because he held my hand. I have only talked on the phone with him for 2 months and he is holding my hand already??????????? NO NO NO WAY !

So, I try my best to make it through the event. Everyone there was nice but no "love connection" with this guy. So, I stayed there a couple hours and then it was time for me to drive back home. He was a VERY nice person. He presented to me a care package that consisted of a bottle of wine, perfume, a cake and 50 movies. I was like WOW!!!!!

So, I get back home and call him to thank him for everything. His next statement is that he can't wait for us to get together again. Well, here is where we have a problem. I don't want to see him again. He is looking for a relationship and I am not looking for a relationship with HIM. He is sooo nice but not for me.

The problem is...................do I tell him I don't like him in "that" way or do I NOT tell him and just avoid his calls. I don't want to hurt his feelings but at the same time, I don't want to lead him on. I feel that he can make someone a great husband. Just not me.

What would you do?

suetalks · 07-03-2012, 04:02 PM

Honesty is the best policy. I would tell him I valued his friendship, as in the talks on the phone and getting to know him. However, let him know that you are not "into" a relationship at this time, or simply that there is no "love connection." You guys might make great friends...and we all need friends.

Jez · 07-03-2012, 04:04 PM

I second that. Don't avoid him, just be honest. You can be tactful, and say you appreciate it, and you still want to be friends, but you don't feel the chemistry/connection.

hatgirlie · 07-03-2012, 04:24 PM

When you accepted that 'care' package from him, did you know you wouldn't be seeing him again? If yes, I would have said, Thanks so much, but I can't accept this...and not taken the generous gift. Did he hand it to you or ship it to your house? I don't understand why you went out with this nice man in the first place if you knew you didn't want to be with someone that age. Maybe you could introduce him to a nice friend of yours closer to his age?

LAgreeneyes · 07-03-2012, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hatgirlie

When you accepted that 'care' package from him, did you know you wouldn't be seeing him again? If yes, I would have said, Thanks so much, but I can't accept this...and not taken the generous gift. Did he hand it to you or ship it to your house? I don't understand why you went out with this nice man in the first place if you knew you didn't want to be with someone that age. Maybe you could introduce him to a nice friend of yours closer to his age?

Good points.

When I saw him, I immediately knew that I wouldn't be seeing him again. I accepted the package from him because he presented it to me in front of about 30 people. I was too embarrassed not to turn around and embarrass him in front of his brothers, sisters, children and grandchildren. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and at the same time, it would make me look like I was "stuck up" or a mean person. I guess I could have accepted it in front of them and then later gave it back to him when we were alone. I didn't think about that. The gift wasn't shipped. Good point.

I thought about his age but I didn't want to judge him on his age alone. I wanted to meet him to see if there was "anything" there. I was willing to put my age concerns to the side and go in with no blinders on and not judging him.

We didn't go out. I just met him at a family function.

I'm definitely learning in the event this happens again.

Vex · 07-03-2012, 05:00 PM

I guess if the tables were turned, what would you rather have? Would you rather just hear flat out not interested or prefer someone dodge your calls?

I guess I'm leaning just towards telling him nicely.

LAgreeneyes · 07-03-2012, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vex

I guess if the tables were turned, what would you rather have? Would you rather just hear flat out not interested or prefer someone dodge your calls?

I guess I'm leaning just towards telling him nicely.

To be honest, I would prefer someone just avoid my calls. After 3 calls and messages left with no call backs, then I would get the picture and stop calling. I can make up my own story in my mind, which be "not interested". Someone telling me that they are not interested would be very hurtful. But that's just me.

hatgirlie · 07-03-2012, 05:12 PM

Excellent valid points! Thanks for explaining! I totally get that you wouldn't want to refuse the gift in front of all those people. Now, I think you did the right thing as to not hurt his feelings in front of everyone. For him, really, he probably shouldn't have given you the gift in front of everyone, putting you in an awkward situation. So, I would probably ignore his calls for a bit, but then eventually, if he continues to call, you might have to let him know. I would take the hint if someone was not answering my calls or returning my calls. I hope you meet someone extra special who you are totally attracted to next time. Don't give up!

LAgreeneyes · 07-03-2012, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hatgirlie

Excellent valid points! Thanks for explaining! I totally get that you wouldn't want to refuse the gift in front of all those people. Now, I think you did the right thing as to not hurt his feelings in front of everyone. For him, really, he probably shouldn't have given you the gift in front of everyone, putting you in an awkward situation. So, I would probably ignore his calls for a bit, but then eventually, if he continues to call, you might have to let him know. I would take the hint if someone was not answering my calls or returning my calls. I hope you meet someone extra special who you are totally attracted to next time. Don't give up!

I'm glad you said it that way. As far as him not giving me the gift in front of everyone. I was beet red when he did.

Thank you. I also hope I meet someone extra special. That would be so nice.

You now this dating thing and blind date thing and getting to know people thing is tiresome. I wish I could burn off some lbs doing all of this. LOL

seagirl · 07-03-2012, 05:16 PM

just tell the truth. you can do it by email I think. keep it short, to the point, and wish him the best.

LAgreeneyes · 07-03-2012, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seagirl

just tell the truth. you can do it by email I think. keep it short, to the point, and wish him the best.

Do you think that Karma would come back and bite me in the butt? I feel so bad for him.

Porthardygurl · 07-03-2012, 05:23 PM

I think the best thing you could do, is personally talk to him on the phone or send him an email. However, given the fact that he went through all the trouble and time to send you a "care package" which is obviously a gift of affection... i suggest phone is probably better. Make it short and sweet, dont go around in circles..thank him for the wonderful time and the gifts and make sure you say at least two positive things before you say anything negative or adverse. Let him down gently but be honest.. Sounds like he could be a sensitive guy who really is in need of love and tenderness..

LAgreeneyes · 07-03-2012, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porthardygurl

I think the best thing you could do, is personally talk to him on the phone or send him an email. However, given the fact that he went through all the trouble and time to send you a "care package" which is obviously a gift of affection... i suggest phone is probably better. Make it short and sweet, dont go around in circles..thank him for the wonderful time and the gifts and make sure you say at least two positive things before you say anything negative or adverse. Let him down gently but be honest.. Sounds like he could be a sensitive guy who really is in need of love and tenderness..

You're right. I would probably keep the conversation very positive because he doesn't deserve to hear anything negative. I wish that we could be attracted to everyone that we meet. It would make things so much easier.

hatgirlie · 07-03-2012, 07:23 PM

Well, I guess I am wishy washy on this, because now I do think you should tell him the truth in the nicest of ways...but I am like you and would not want to hurt his feelings! He might keep calling...and calling...and you don't want that either. Just be honest. On the other hand...lol

Good luck!

novangel · 07-03-2012, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LAgreeneyes

When I saw him, I immediately knew that I wouldn't be seeing him again.

This makes me feel sad. Just be honest with him but I don't know why you agreed to meet up with him in the first place knowing he's not what you're looking for in a man; age wise or physically.