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06-29-2012, 12:57 AM
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#16
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 236
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There are some things I wish I had not seen on the internet and I am an adult. These things appear in your inbox under the guise of something more innocent as a result of search pattern logging ... which you can do totally innocently.
I would hate if my child were to see some of the things I have. If it plays in my head it would most certainly do in his, or hers.
As a parent you are legally, morally, emotionally and spiritually obliged to care for your child and this umbrella includes being aware of and taking care of anything that will affect them, including internet content.
I was a wild child. I was the last child and my parents were, quite frankly, tired by the time I arrived. I think they thought my older siblings would take care of me ... they did not. I wish like mad that my parents had disciplined, watched, sneaked on me, whatever ... I may well have been righteously upset at the time but later on I would have really benefitted.
A child's right to privacy is not a delicate thing it is black and white. Your right to protect your child is inviolate and there is no such thing as transgression or trespass when it comes to the internet or mobile content.
The only thing you have to be aware of is that your values are subjective and perhaps preconditioned by your parents values, which may need adjustment.
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06-29-2012, 01:31 AM
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#17
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I'm a khaleesi!!
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,352
S/C/G: 260/188/130
Height: 5'3"
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Quote:
A child's right to privacy is not a delicate thing it is black and white. Your right to protect your child is inviolate and there is no such thing as transgression or trespass when it comes to the internet or mobile content.
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This.
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06-29-2012, 02:09 AM
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#18
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 268
S/C/G: 166/145/115
Height: 5'4
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No kids here and I'm 20 also. It's crazy to me knowing what some kids do these days at such young ages. When I was 12, I only knew the basic functions on the computer, like the painting tool or the default games. If not that, I'd be on nick.com or disneychannel.com not freaking facebook or tumblr. I've seen some HORRIBLE graphic things on facebook/tumblr that I wish I hadn't seen, but you can't just unsee things! My parents didn't allow me on the Internet for more than 1-2 hours a day till I turned like 15. I think besides monitoring your children, you should also set a time limit for how long they can be on the computer. If I had my own child, I think I would limit his internet usage as much as I could. Rather the kid go outside and play instead of sitting in front of the computer for hours on end.
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06-29-2012, 01:15 PM
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#19
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Feed the muscle
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Diagon Alley
Posts: 188
S/C/G: 225/ticker/145
Height: 5'9
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I don't have any children yet, but I take care of my niece on a regular basis and we raise her the Caribbean way. She's eight, and invading her privacy isn't a concern of ours really. I mean, of course we don't go through her diary or journal, but I don't think wondering about their privacy is really that important. My children will have no privacy from me, and if the have a problem with it.... too bad. I will check their texts/emails/monitor their computer activity etc. I don't think any child under 15 should have a facebook anyway. WE let our girl play a few online games, but she's always monitored. I could care less if she feels as though her 'privacy' is being invaded. As long as she's safe.
Also she wouldn't ever dream about using curse words. I wouldn't dream about using cuss words in front of my parents, and I'm 25. It's about respect.
Last edited by meltaway; 06-29-2012 at 02:37 PM.
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06-29-2012, 01:27 PM
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#20
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 226
S/C/G: 289/274/147
Height: 5'7"
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I think you have an obligation to monitor your kids' tv and internet usage. You just can not give them unfiltered access to the world - or let the world have access to them. They're kids. They have kid brains. They can't make grown up choices or process images and information in a grown up way. That's what parents are for.
A curse word or nude is not going to ruin a child, but some of what they will be exposed to is pure filth - it's aggressive, it's unrealistic, and it can be scary.
I don't think kids need unlimited access to each other, either. That's just asking for trouble.
In our family (and I don't have a child that old yet, but I have plenty of nieces and often they stay with me) the rules are no tv or computer in the bedroom and they turn their phones over to Mom and Dad (or Aunt98Days) at night. It seems to work.
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06-29-2012, 02:38 PM
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#21
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There is no try.
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,274
S/C/G: 281/T/140
Height: 5'6"
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re:
You all maybe think I'm living in the 1960's and sometimes I swear I wish I were.
Keep in mind we're talking about 12 year olds here, not 17 year olds. I don't even classify a 12/13 year old a teenager. We're pretty much talking about middle school students.
The problem with middle school students is that when they get into groups common sense flies out the window. I'm not just talking about physical groups but groups on social media - anywhere their friends can interact with them.
What about those middle schoolers and that lady on the bus? You all know what I'm talking about. I bet every one of those kids is perfectly fine and normal when alone - put them together and they do things like that. Social media has given us the opportunity for more groups - and more stupid behavior whether it's bullying on facebook or on the bus.
I'm sure the parents though of those boys will probably end up suing the school though or blaming everyone else though for "making their boys look bad" or blowing it out of proportion.
Last edited by Vex; 06-29-2012 at 02:44 PM.
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06-29-2012, 05:36 PM
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#22
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 280
S/C/G: 288/288/175
Height: 174cm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vex
What about those middle schoolers and that lady on the bus? You all know what I'm talking about.
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Um, actually, I don't know. What are you talking about?
No kids of my own yet, but we got the internet way back in 1994, when I was nine. I certainly didn't have unrestricted access then (good ol' dial-up). My dad sat me down and talked me through what newsgroups were (1994, remember) and basically read over my shoulder for the first few months until he trusted me to behave myself online. So far as I can see, he handled it well, but that internet was a world away from how it is now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ddc
I want to know 'what she's up to', but I don't want her to know that I looked.
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This bit worries me. I know the safety of one's child is paramount, but I'm inclined to think keeping lines of communication open is vital in that regard. I can't speak for your daughter, but if I were twelve, and knew that my parent were reading my emails or texts and not being honest about it, I'd be furious. That fury would make me very unlikely to trust that parent with any information about my life, which could turn out to be a disaster if anything untoward did happen. I'd also be very likely to do everything I could to find a bit of the internet I could doss about on without that parent knowing. If your kid is so inclined, they can set up new email accounts, and facebook accounts under false names, and you won't know the passwords, and you won't necessarily even know where they're going online, particularly once they figure out how to clear the history.
In short, if you try to control your child's access you're likely to be fighting a losing battle. Far, far better to have them trust you and tell you what they're doing of their own volition, and to talk to them about what they might find online and how to react to it.
One final point - so far as I know, once he'd taught me the basics of using the internet, my dad never actually checked up on what I'd been doing online. But we used the same computer, and just the knowledge that he could check was enough to keep me behaving myself.
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06-29-2012, 06:23 PM
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#23
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There is no try.
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,274
S/C/G: 281/T/140
Height: 5'6"
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Quote:
Um, actually, I don't know. What are you talking about?
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I'm talking about the 68 year old bus monitor who is bullied by a group of middle students during the bus ride. It happened maybe two weeks ago and was all over the news. Video below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l93wAqnPQwk
*edited to add - Wow, some of the comments on the you tube video itself are just awful. If this is our future, we're in very sad shape.
Last edited by Vex; 06-29-2012 at 06:24 PM.
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06-29-2012, 06:38 PM
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#24
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Senior Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 280
S/C/G: 288/288/175
Height: 174cm
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Egads, those kids need a slap. It didn't make the news over here. Did they get away with it?
EDIT: because it later occurred to me that what I meant by "need a slap" there isn't how most people are likely to interpret it. I mean like how when someone's hysterical a slap shocks them back to reality, and in the case of those kids a metaphorical slap to shock them into realising just how they're behaving. Not actually advocating violence towards children.
Last edited by Brid; 06-30-2012 at 06:37 AM.
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06-30-2012, 09:14 AM
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#25
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There is no try.
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,274
S/C/G: 281/T/140
Height: 5'6"
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re:
No worries about the "need a slap". I knew what you meant as probably others will too.
Actually I think yesterday I read they were kicked out of school for a year and have to do community service. Also, they have been receiving death threats - which I don't believe is right either!
A good thing that came from it is that someone set up a donation site to collect money to send that lady on a nice vacation and it ended up being i think well over $300k, so maybe she can even retire.
Last edited by Vex; 06-30-2012 at 09:15 AM.
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07-01-2012, 11:49 AM
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#26
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,007
S/C/G: 171/ticker/121
Height: 5' 1"
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Full disclosure: I don't have kids yet.
I don't think monitoring is a bad thing, at all. But I think open communication is an even better thing. Sometimes communication isn't enough, but for me personally, I'd rather open communication with some monitoring.
One thing I do disagree with is reading a teenager's personal diary. If it's a public blog? Absolutely check on it. Kids don't realize that once you put something out on the internet it may be there to stay. But a personal, hand written diary or journal? I don't think I'd read that.
....and that could all change when I actually have kids.
But my younger brother is a teenager. and I'm pretty protective of him. He and I have had a lot of really open and honest discussions about sex, relationships, drugs, etc.
Last edited by Quiet Ballerina; 07-01-2012 at 11:51 AM.
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07-01-2012, 03:05 PM
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#27
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Back to Basics!
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,036
S/C/G: 187/127/125
Height: 5' 2.5"
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I don't have teenage children yet, and I have learned that although I do most of the things I said I would, parenting often throws curves and you can't say for sure just how you would handle a future situation.
However, our kids are considered very sheltered by today's terms. No cursing, including "shut up", "stupid", "crap", "butt" and the like. Movies are prescreened always, and TV and computer are strictly monitored and timed.
They think our chickens have to get married before they can make babies, yet we are very open about breastfeeding and natural nakedness. I think too much exposure desensitized kids to the reality of violence, sexuality and other adult issues. I work very hard to create an environment where my kids can talk about anything, and ask questions, knowing I will do my best to give an answer and not blow them off. And even though they live in a stimulating, creative and open environment, I can snap my fingers and they freeze. It is about respect and knowing that we have rules and parents have the final say.
I have to laugh a bit, because just typing that, I already know it will be hard in this age of technology, but so far we don't plan to let our children have phones, iPads, etc. They can and do utilize the family computer and they play approved games on my iPad, but there is no reason they need their own. They already want DSs like every other kid, and we say no. I have a list on my fridge of activities and places to go, as ideas when we run of of our regular stuff. A lot of computer and gaming time stems from boredom and serves as a babysitter, in my opinion. Just my $0.02.
Last edited by ChickieChicks; 07-01-2012 at 03:07 PM.
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07-01-2012, 03:59 PM
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#28
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getting back to 140
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,158
S/C/G: 155/154.2/140
Height: 5'7"
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Thanks everyone for sharing your advice/wisdom/experience and the website links. It's all appreciated!!
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07-01-2012, 04:02 PM
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#29
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Back with a story
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,754
S/C/G: 281 / 254 / 160
Height: 5'3" - I got taller!
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Amen chickiechicks! My family is right there with yours and doing just fine
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07-01-2012, 10:04 PM
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#30
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Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 17
S/C/G: 146/141/128
Height: 5'6"
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Hi ddc,
I thought I'd add my two cents. My son is 11-years-old, entering the 7th grade. He has computer privileges at home and a personal cellular phone. We have several computers in the house and all are in common areas. His father and I have to approve a website before he's allowed to go to it. We've always had those rules in place so both he and his sister are used to it so it's never been a problem.
As far as his cellular phone, we have full access to anything and everything on it. Prior to purchasing the phone for him we established rules that he agreed to. First he had to earn his phone by getting on the honor roll for the entire school year. After he did that, we gave him an option of a pre-paid phone with prepaid minutes (completely on our dime), or a smart phone (we'd pay for the phone and he'd be responsible for the $30 data package every month). He chose the smart phone WITH the understanding that we could confiscate it at any point for bad behavior, poor grades, chores not getting done, whatever. We also told him we would check his phone periodically to make sure he was using it responsibly. He agreed to those rules; we bought him a cell phone. I pick up his phone periodically and go through it, he expects it and doesn't seem to care. His friends are also aware that his father and I check the phone so they keep their texts pretty clean.
Good luck, I know you're doing a great job!
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