My beau is EXTREMELY supportive of me. He says he's proud of all I've done and is proud that I have goals. He says he wished he could be like that, but has his heart set that he can't lose the weight he has (and I can't change his mind, he has to do that). That isn't the problem though. He said that while he's proud of me, if I get VISIBLE abs (not a 6 pack, but like, the stick out a little) that he isn't going to be happy about it. My best guy friend said the same thing. Is it like, a man mind-set that girls with abs are gross or something?
However, Kassie, if I recall - you are very young and you are not in very serious or long-term relationships, right?? It is hard for everyone to not 'take to heart' what our significant other thinks but there are times where it deserves more emphasis than others. If you are dealing with young, casual relationships (as opposed to say a marriage with children), there's really no compromises to be made or much view points to be considered. You do what you like and that's that.
Visible abs are very difficult for women to obtain, I had them at 5'5 and 118lbs. It's not a topic to even discuss with him at this point And it shows his ignorance of female body fat % figures anyways. Please don't guide your journey according to the wishes of some young guy, this is about you.
I don't think I could say it any better than Sacha. You're young and you have many more years to grow as a woman. Don't let a guy define what you want to accomplish. It really is about you and what your goals are.
A fair few blokes do seem to find it a bit weird. Visible muscles are often associated with very macho men (think Schwarzenegger) rather than with femininity, and as a species we do go in for sexual dimorphism rather. Traits considered the province of one gender often do disturb people when they appear on the other gender, for all sorts of complicated psychological reasons.
That said, what men say and what men actually think and do can be very different things. Your man may say he doesn't like muscles on women, but if the two of you stay together it won't be muscles on women he's confronted with, but muscles on YOU. And if he loves you, then a bit of visible muscle definition isn't going to change that. It's the same as me not liking visible ribs on men, yet loving a man who has them.
You're doing this for you, right? Don't do it for someone else. If he doesn't like how you turn out then tough noogies.
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Originally Posted by Brid
That said, what men say and what men actually think and do can be very different things. Your man may say he doesn't like muscles on women, but if the two of you stay together it won't be muscles on women he's confronted with, but muscles on YOU. And if he loves you, then a bit of visible muscle definition isn't going to change that. It's the same as me not liking visible ribs on men, yet loving a man who has them.
Totally agree with this. I don't know what kind of women attract my fiancé (I never asked), but I know I attract him. I was fat but he was attracted to ME. I'm fit now with visible muscles and he's still attracted to ME and doesn't find my muscles gross or anything. If he did, I really wouldn't care, tbh. My body my business.
Do you like the idea of having strong, defined abs? then you should continue on your journey!! Personally my DH loves my tummy, he traces that vertical line down my front with his finger, and when he runs his hand over my abdomen, I can tell he is admiring my muscle there (that is still under a bit of fat)
And strong abs will keep you from getting backaches, you stand taller and stronger, and it just feels plain good to have a strong core.
It's important to be healthy, strong, and fit. That's what we're doing this for. Your beau is supportive, to a point I'd say. Also remember that once you get to your goal, you are going to look like You, not like anyone else. Maybe the guys are looking at female body building mags. Who knows? Maybe they don't want you to have better abs than they do
You keep up the good work and get your body to look like how you want it to look. This is about you, not them.
Is it like, a man mind-set that girls with abs are gross or something?
No. If that were a general man mind set there wouldn't be millions of women trying to get abs. If that were a man mind set they wouldn't sell the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated.
"Thanks for sharing, hon. I'll make sure I'll wear a T-shirt around ya then."
It's YOUR body. He can have his OPINION about what initially attracts him or what physiques initially attract him. And that's fine. I have a thing for brunettes. And I'm married to a BLOND -- go fig!
Mature love won't give a patootie about your belly, and you are only 6 days in.
So again I'd be all "Thanks for sharing!" and just let it GO. It means nothing other than "get to know you" banter.
I don't care that DH is a blondie. I love him how he is and wouldn't trade him for any number of brunettes!
If you want defined abs, then strive for them. It's your body and your life. If he doesn't like it, too bad. Do not let someone else dictate what your goals should and shouldn't be.
Best of luck.
My significant other is very...fickle. Help?
And it shows his ignorance of female body fat % figures anyways. Please don't guide your journey according to the wishes of some young guy, this is about you.
