Try to find sites that have your interests, they don't have to be dating. But things that you can actively participate in. "Looking for love" is more like "looking for trouble" in my books. Love will find you when it's the right time.
What are some of your interests? Can you find online groups in your area? When I lived by Portland, OR I joined a bunch of PDX groups for my age group online and then we got together and had outings. It was a great way to meet people. (I am the shyest person in the world, so doing things in a group is usually best... and bring a friend to hide behind if need be).
I have to tell you though, people who use online dating services usually have higher expectations of who the other person is and will often become -- displeased? not quite the word -- unsatisfied?... I have met people where we hit it off great online and then in person I would get completely blown off.
Here is a funny story (not so funny at the time) of one of my first gay encounters (I'm bi, so my first girl encounter). I met this girl online and I thought she was amazing! We talked online a lot for 2-3 months before we finally decided to meet in person. From personal habits, I always arrive early. We were going to meet by the Dance Dance Revolution machine in the arcade at the mall. Since I was early, I decided I'd just play a game. As I'm dancing around I see her and two of her friends come in, but they stay by the door, kind of laughing to themselves. Then the two friends come over and ask me if I am this person, and I say yes. (I'm still dancing with the game) The two girls go back to their friend and they are all smiles. When I finish my game and go to look for this girl I'm supposed to meet, she's gone...
I was a bit heartbroken. I went home and tried to talk to her but she wouldn't respond to my IMs. I emailed her and no response. She was online though... She just ignored me.
I have a low tolerance for people like this, so after a few attempts to figure out what was going on, I gave up on her and blocked her. I really hate people like that.
This is why I find it important to meet people right away so you can get to know the real person. It could be that this guy just didn't "dig" the real you. You may never know and you can only press the situation so much.
Btw, I lived in upstate NY for almost a year. Loved it there except for the blizzards in the mountains.
I think what the other girls are trying to say is that you appear to be falling into a 'rescuer'/mother mentality -> if I do things for you, if I rescue you, if I help you, you will like me. You said yourself he was reluctant "but you wanted to"... this, I'm afraid, is trying to push it into something you want rather than allowing for a normal dating relationship to evolve.
Not really, it's not that simple...I really hate to explain because I think I know what people will say so please trust me...this guy was stuck. Like so stuck that I don't think "stuck" is the proper word for it. And believe me, if he had any other option, I wouldn't have offered because, first of all, it was a risk, second of all, it meant possibly missing class, and third of all, it required driving into the city and I've never been in the city so the entire time I was thinking, "OMFG what if I have to parallel park?" It wasn't something trivial like oh, routine checkup at the doctor's office, he should just reschedule. It was really serious and if he missed it, it would have put him in a horribly bad situation. I just felt I couldn't sit back and watch it happen and the fact that he brought it up at all made me think he was kind of hoping I could help. But when he found out that I had class like some of his other friends, he backtracked and said he couldn't ask me to do that. He was worried about me going to school, that was his only reservation. I mean, he didn't have to bring it up at all...it's not one of those things you just tell people, he opened up to me and trusted me. We were talking about something entirely different when he broke in with this appointment of his that he had to be at. And even if I never hear from him again, I do think he's a nice guy and I'm glad I could help, even if it hurts for a little while.
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Let him contact you from now on, and let him take you on a proper date (if he's broke and doesn't have a car, coffee & walk in a public park is perfectly fine), but just be wary - sometimes girls fall into a "maternal" role and that is what you are starting to do.
I'm definitely going to do this. I didn't hear from him yesterday but I'm going to try to remain relaxed. I don't think I'll never hear from him again but if I don't, I dunno, I might consider deleting my dating profile and just calling it for a while.
From what I have read I just have to say that you are way TOO MUCH emotionally attach to this guy at this point. Second, there is no such thing as rejection but only feedback. It doesn't matter if he doesn't engage with you because right around the corner there will be another guy who will find you desirable and likely.
From what I have read I just have to say that you are way TOO MUCH emotionally attach to this guy at this point...
Ditto. particularly as you're not including what this emergency of his was...
Honestly, you seem to be a person with a passionate heart and good energy...is there someplace in your community where you could volunteer your time and get involved in a 'good cause'? You never know where something like that could lead, and you would be honing your talents and channeling your energies into something that will 'build you up' rather than stressing about a relationship.
I wouldn't have offered because, first of all, it was a risk, second of all, it meant possibly missing class, and third of all, it required driving into the city and I've never been in the city so the entire time I was thinking, "OMFG what if I have to parallel park?"......But when he found out that I had class like some of his other friends, he backtracked and said he couldn't ask me to do that. He was worried about me going to school, that was his only reservation.
This right here says a lot. His own friends were not willing to risk missing class or disrupting their schedules, yet you, a relative stranger, were? He was fine accepting his friends couldn't help him, yet you felt like you had to? You didn't.
Putting myself in the guy's shoes, here is a girl who went above and beyond the call of duty to help me out, when my good friends couldn't be bothered. So, what should I do to show my friendship and gratitude? Maybe send her some flowers? Maybe a thank you phone call? Heck maybe just a text or email the next day to reiterate my gratitude? Nah, I think I'll wait for her to contact me and then blow her off and not respond - or give a cursory response that basically says I am too busy to talk to her again now that my crisis is over.
Guys really do tell us by their actions who they are and how they feel about us. We just have to listen.
You are worth so much more than what he is giving you.
To me there is only one person who should be on the verge of being rejected - him.
I finally got to the bottom of things - he's in an on/off relationship with someone. He made that profile thinking he'd move on, got close by meeting me, and then backed up. He apologized, told me thank you again, and referred to himself as an ******* and a waste of time. I feel bad for him, I was in the same spot a year ago, but obviously I can't do anything, that's something he's gotta sort out on his own. Having said that, I wanted to address some of what's been said since I know more about the situation now...
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Originally Posted by i33BabyGirl33i
Nadya,
From what I have read I just have to say that you are way TOO MUCH emotionally attach to this guy at this point. Second, there is no such thing as rejection but only feedback. It doesn't matter if he doesn't engage with you because right around the corner there will be another guy who will find you desirable and likely.
It seemed that way, I know, but now that I know what's up - I'm disappointed but I'm no longer upset. When I finally got to talk to him about things, he didn't seem to really understand why I wanted an explanation so badly. So I said, "I felt like I did something wrong" and he answered, "No you didn't this is just a complicated subject". Hearing directly from him that I did nothing wrong and it had nothing to do with me freed me up immediately. I wish I had gotten a shot at knowing him, I hope he figures out that he's worth more than he seems to think he is, but I'm not hurting anymore. So I'm glad he put the brakes on early rather than letting it get tangled. He could have let me get attached and even physical at some point before stopping - but he was a gentleman the entire time.
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Originally Posted by Exhale15
Ditto. particularly as you're not including what this emergency of his was...
It's personal, it feels wrong giving away that kind of information, even to strangers. I'm the same way with platonic friends, some things about them I won't discuss because it just feels wrong.
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Honestly, you seem to be a person with a passionate heart and good energy...is there someplace in your community where you could volunteer your time and get involved in a 'good cause'?
Yeah, I'm a total bleeding heart. I considered volunteering at an animal shelter but then I realized I'd cry and want to adopt all the animals. =/ Lately, I've found myself wishing I'd gone into counseling for troubled youth...
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Originally Posted by guacamole
This right here says a lot. His own friends were not willing to risk missing class or disrupting their schedules, yet you, a relative stranger, were? He was fine accepting his friends couldn't help him, yet you felt like you had to? You didn't.
Well, he told me days ago that he doesn't pick the best friends. His have gotten him into trouble various times and recently a friend of his actually stole $80 from him. He is so soft spoken and reserved, he just seems to take it which is probably the only thing about this situation that really kind of upsets me any - he's so kind, we'd get along so well, but he doesn't even believe he's worth it. But I know, again, that's not for me to deal with. But he got close to moving on, he gave it a shot, so it's only a matter of time. I used to hesitate and now I'm completely on my own, no more worrying about that one toxic person. He'll get there eventually. I'm not saying I'm waiting, I'm just saying it's only a matter of time before he's had enough.
If I started seeing a guy and he texted me everyday and appeared "eager" to date me I would be turned off. I know that seems weird but its true. He could be an awesome guy but I wouldn't be into him.
On the other hand, if a guy doesn't act interested it drives me crazy and makes me like him more.
The reverse is also true, at one point in my life I was really enjoying living with my single girlfriend and we would go out and party together. I had ZERO interest in having a boyfriend. But then one night I was introduced to a very handsome, tall, intelligent man and I wasn't looking for a boyfriend at all but he pursued me and I decided he was too good to let pass by so I started dating him steady even though I wanted more of the single life. That man is now my husband and father of my child.
Anyway, the whole point is that people are always more attracted to what they think they can't have. It sounds cliche but that is where the whole "Play hard to get" mantra came from. I'm not saying to do that..but I would advise to TRY and seem like "you could take it or leave it" because your own life is so interesting and you have your own stuff going on. That confidence will be magnetic.
I know many guys are different in that they tend to seek out relationships either prior to ending or just after needing to end another. If I were you, I'd just move on. Don't give this guy another thought.
It could be that this guy just didn't "dig" the real you. You may never know and you can only press the situation so much. 
It wasn't something trivial like oh, routine checkup at the doctor's office, he should just reschedule. It was really serious and if he missed it, it would have put him in a horribly bad situation. I just felt I couldn't sit back and watch it happen and the fact that he brought it up at all made me think he was kind of hoping I could help. But when he found out that I had class like some of his other friends, he backtracked and said he couldn't ask me to do that. He was worried about me going to school, that was his only reservation. I mean, he didn't have to bring it up at all...it's not one of those things you just tell people, he opened up to me and trusted me. We were talking about something entirely different when he broke in with this appointment of his that he had to be at. And even if I never hear from him again, I do think he's a nice guy and I'm glad I could help, even if it hurts for a little while.
