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Old 05-05-2012, 01:31 AM   #1
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Default why is everyone but me pregnant?

we have been trying to have a baby for 2 years with no luck. every time i get my period i sit in the bathroom and cry. i know it sounds dramatic, but its true. every time it happens i know that this is not the month that i get pregnant, and it truly breaks my heart a little more every time.

i got my period a couple days ago, had my usual private sob fest, and logged onto facebook later that evening.

it just so happened that 3 of my friends had announced that day that they are expecting. one of them with twins no less.

i know that it will happen eventually, and i know that 'once you stop trying it will happen' but when you want a baby as much as we do, and have been trying for so long, 'not trying' doesnt really come easily.

i am frustrated, and sad. i want to have a family with my husband so badly, and it seems like its never going to happen. i have 30 more pounds to lose before we are going to the fertility specialist, but i am terrified that i will get bad news (like we CANT get pregnant)

sorry, just needed to vent.
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Old 05-05-2012, 01:38 AM   #2
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I'm sorry Honey!!!!! We have been trying to het pregnant for the past year and nothing so we came to the conclusion that its my weight i was 70lbs lighter when i got pregnant with my son . I feel like its all my fault but than there is a good part to it all our body knows when its time. Its true when you stop trying it happens faster than you dwelling on it every month. Good Luck to u.
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:15 AM   #3
keep going
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Were you ever on the pill or any other hormonal contraception? I don't have kids but my sister spent a few years trying to get pregnant and she had been on the pill for years before that. It can screw things around a bit. In the end she actually took a course of milk thistle to clean her body out a bit (not with pregnancy in mind) and was pregnant soon after. It probably wasn't the milk thistle but I take some sometimes for my liver and it seems to help me

Good luck and I hope it happens for you soon.
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Old 05-05-2012, 08:21 AM   #4
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I'm so sorry, but have faith. It always seems like things are rubbed in our faces more, when we want it most.

Do you think it's time to make it more fun? May be the stress of wanting and trying so bad is straining your body. Have you tried a night of wine and relaxation? It could be just teething you need.

I do wish you the best of luck and I hope you get what you wish for. Keep us posted.

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Old 05-05-2012, 11:07 AM   #5
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I know how frustrating and depressing it is when you're trying to conceive and can't, and how hard it is to see everyone around you getting pregnant in the meantime. My husband and I have been ttc for about 2.5 years, and we're currently going through fertility treatments.

Don't assume that the reason you haven't conceived is related to your weight, and don't listen to the people who tell you to just relax and let it happen (and don't feel frustrated with yourself or feel like you have to defend yourself for not being able to relax about it). The people who say that have never ttc for 2+ years, I guarantee it. I had people give me all manner of suggestions when I was ttc naturally and couldn't, and knowing what we know now about WHY I couldn't conceive, I know that not a single one of those suggestions would have made a difference. My infertility needs to be treated medically, period.

My suggestion would be to go and see a fertility specialist now rather than waiting. When you first go, after trying to conceive for so long, you may expect to get an answer quickly as to why you're not conceiving... but that's not usually how it works. There are a number of tests and procedures they'll probably perform (hormonal tests on different days of your cycle; ultrasounds; a hysterosalpingogram to look at your uterus and falopian tubes; sperm analysis for your husband) and it will take a few months to get through them all. You'll lose the 30 lbs in the meantime.

I know that it's frightening to go and think that you might hear bad news, but really, you're instead much more likely to find the reason, or combination of reasons, that you're not conceiving - and that will in turn get you on a path forward to help you conceive. Make the appointment, go, and start getting this figured out. You'll feel better once you're taking positive action toward achieving the pregnancy you want.

I really wish you the best of luck and I'm sending positive baby vibes your way.
Began weight loss ~ January 18, 2011 at 280 lbs
Met original goal ~ Normal BMI (147 lbs) on March 8, 2012 Goal story and photos
Met revised goal ~ 135 lbs on May 12, 2012
Pregnancy May 2012 - January 2013
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Old 05-05-2012, 11:16 AM   #6
On a break with Baby #5
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Are you sure you are ovulating - is your cycle fairly regular and has the appropriate thermal shifts? That is one of those bummer things with excess weight, it CAN mess with your hormones enough to make you anovulatory. Two years is a LONG time and quite frankly a healthy, fertile couple with normal cycles and sperm count would have likely conceived by now. I'm with the previous poster who would highly suggest a fertility specialist because it likely isn't you, or anything you are or aren't doing. This sounds more like a medical condition with either you or your husband.

A little treatment from an RE or other fertility specialist might do a world of good, you know? I don't even have fertility issues and I struggle with not feeling sad for myself when a friend is having a baby and I am currently not - it is very normal to feel that way, and especially after so long without success your frustrations and fears are certainly expected. I'd be more worried if you weren't concerned or upset, actually!

Please see a specialist of you haven't, already. Even if you haven't timed your intercourse for ovulation or gone out of your way to chart, two yesrs of unprotected sex should have, statistically, resulted in a pregnancy by now, unless there is some underlying issue with you or your spouse. And the great news is that most are imminently treatable these days!
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Last edited by Arctic Mama; 05-05-2012 at 11:17 AM.
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Old 05-05-2012, 11:23 AM   #7
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100% agree with everything chickadee32 said. I am so sorry you are going through this. It's so hard to grieve every month, and it sucks and its not fair. Vent away!
Lost 135 lb in 2011-2012. Regained 40 in 2013-2014. Back in the saddle again...

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Old 05-05-2012, 11:23 AM   #8
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I second the idea of going to a fertility specialist now and not waiting. My aunt spent years as a nurse in all areas baby-related (NICU, Labor & Delivery, Fertility, etc) and her biggest advice is that most couples wait a long time before going to a fertility specialist, and there's no reason.

Try to have some "me" time and remember that your period while not what you want right now is a good sign that things inside are likely working okay. Be good to yourself!
1st mini goal - 5% - 266lbs
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Old 05-05-2012, 01:15 PM   #9
getting back to 140
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One thing that helped me when we decided to start trying was to check my basal body temperature every morning. I had a chart and plotted it everyday. You have to take your temperature first thing before you get out of bed. When it starts to rise, that's when you're ovulating. I had a book about it, but I can't remember the name of it. Maybe you can google 'basal body temperature' and find some helpful info.

Best wishes to you

Edit: found the name of the book: Taking Charge of Your Fertility

Last edited by ddc; 05-05-2012 at 01:20 PM.
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Old 05-05-2012, 06:06 PM   #10
Clawing my way back
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I had a coworker who was trying with her husband to conceive for 13 years, since they got married. During this time, there were times when she was a bit late and thought for sure she might be pregnant this time, but was heartbroken when her period would come. They moved from their house to an apartment, and finally she got pregnant. She figured that the stress of moving took their minds off conceiving, and that's when they finally conceived. Their little girl is about 3 now. Of course, each person and couple is different, so reasons for difficulty conceiving will also be different.

Good luck.
You've got to lose to know how to win - Aerosmith

Last edited by Ookpik; 05-05-2012 at 06:09 PM.
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Old 05-06-2012, 12:52 AM   #11
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my hubbys best friend announced that they expecting today, thats 4 people this week. maybe there is some good baby making vibes floating around since that many people are pregnant lately. ill just have to hope that the same good luck will rub off on me
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Old 05-07-2012, 10:28 AM   #12
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Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? It's excellent.

Even my gynecologist tried to sell me on the whole "women ovulate on THIS day of their cycle" bunk and um, no. We don't. That might be the half way mark, SOME women might ovulate then but *I* ovulate pretty late. A friend of mine had the same experience. After TTC for two years, she finally read the book and started taking temps and she ovulates WAY late in her cycle. They were "trying" two weeks off every month. She spent two years focusing all her efforts on a time when she COULD NOT POSSIBLY get pregnant.

You may have already gone over all of this, but I'm surprised how many doctors give bad advice...and how many of us (including me!) take it.

Good luck!
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Old 05-07-2012, 08:16 PM   #13
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Thanks! i will try the book!

Goal 1: Get under 300 lbs. (25 lbs. lost.)
Goal 2: Get under 250 lbs. (75 lbs. lost.)
Goal 3: Get under 225 lbs. (100lbs lost.)
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In three words I can sum up everything Ive learned about life. It goes on. ~Robert Frost
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Old 05-07-2012, 09:38 PM   #14
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I understand how you feel, but stay optimistic and don't lose hope. I agree with what others have said here about going to a fertility specialist. Look at it the positive way: you'll have a specialist tell you that there is nothing wrong with you and as long as you keep trying to conceive, you'll be successful! Having a doctor confirm you that you are healthy and ready to have a baby will definitely take the stress away and you'll be able to enjoy the news about your friends expecting babies.
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