Childbirth TMI horror?
 

A friend linked me to an article on Cracked.com today detailing the horrors of childbirth. I can't believe anyone voluntarily puts themselves through this! It can't all be this bad, can it? Moms, how was it for you?

http://www.cracked.com/article_16508...hildbirth.html

I had a natural child birth , most of the things listed in the article can happen it all depends on how well u are informed and prepared. About the placenta i dont know i was too busy looking at my child so i did not see it. After-all its all worth it.

Oh lord. If child birth was awful every time, people would only have one child (if that) and be scarred for life. Childbirth is messy and for some it isn't a pleasant sightif you're not the one actively participating in it.

Not everyone poos during delivery, yes babies first poos are black (meconium), yes episiotomies may be necessary. And the placenta issue? Um, I don't know what my child birth looked like because I couldn't see it and I sure as heck didn't want to have it filmed. My husband only started paying attention to that area once the baby started to crown. Before that, you're looking at an upset, pained woman's vag.

Seriously, this stuff is just not a big deal, non-issues or you just do what you need to do to have a healthy pregancy/birth.

Episiotomies are on the way out as standard procedures. Lots of birth centers don't require continuous fetal monitoring, either.

But the placenta is fairly icky, poop happens, babies do tend to have coneheads after vaginal birth, and the bills can be high (obviously that is going to depend on your insurance and what you consider "required" for a newborn and what you can get hand-me-down or at showers, etc).

I think this article is exaggerated. To me it reads like the man writing it is not comfortable with babies or women's bodies. So why is he the one writing about birth? I don't get the vibe he respects women's bodies or women writing like that "to be funny."

If he's a dad writing about his stunned discoveries? Dude, you had PLENTY of time before birth to read up on it and learn! What, leaving it all to the wife? Now you have these "horrors nobody tells you" before birth? Slacker much for fatherhood?

Yes, some people poop. Some do not. I did not. Poo happens. So what? Just go pee/poo before it's all stations go and then there's no pooping while delivering. Prob solved!

Meconium poo -- never saw it. DH changed those and he said it was icky black but it cleared up. Such is life. Not a biggie. If you signed up to become a parent, changing baby diapers shouldn't be a surprise.

Placenta -- Biology has squishy things. We live in squishy bodies. So? (And I never saw mine.)

Episiotomies -- some do, some do not and from what I understand a healing tear is better than a healing cut. But I didn't have one, so I can't tell ya.

Cone heads -- they go back to round later. That's the shape to get thru the canal. So? Hardly alien!

Fetal Monitor -- I had that. Annoying, but not a big deal. Seriously.

Bill in hospital -- Yep. Pretty high. Thank goodness for insurance! But what do you think it is to adopt? (It can be lower with a homebirth.) If the birth sticker shocks ya, what about raising child to majority? Hello, research before you become a parent? Google "cost of raising child" leads to plenty of calculators.

I find it funny no mention of vomit. Because that I DID do -- I was very hungry but could not keep anything down after a point. So I'd have it and vomit and feel happier. LOL.

Bottom line? Women's bodies are designed by biology to do fine giving birth. Trust body. Though my birth wasn't exactly ideal since I would have preferred being at home (high risk pregnancy changed the game) not all pregnancies are high risk and most people can have the birth they want to have. Even my situation in hospital -- it was fine and I love having my kid.

Just don't read goofy articles and believe the exaggerations. Cracked.com isn't exactly great journalism.

A.

re:
 

I had my son at 25 weeks with a cesarean after 2 weeks in the hospital on bed rest. I would have traded any of that messy stuff for a full term pregnancy any day.

The bill after that and the subsequent 4 month stay in the NICU for my son was well over 500k.

I don't look at insurance as a bill pretty much anymore, just paying back what they paid. :/

.

As I'm just about to have my first, I can't really say if it is that bad or not but I didn't "voluntarily" choose to put myself through what is about to go down. I don't really have a choice, this baby has to come out some way.

As for the things they listed, I knew about all this long before i ever got pregnant. I hear about the poop thing all the time, but have never personally talked to anyone that it happened to (that they know of)
i've seen dozens of pictures of the afterbirth, looks like bloody, giggly liver...not very bad if you ask me.

Getting cut though, is the one thing I am afaid of. (again i knew about these before getting pregnant) But it's no longer something that Dr's do each and every time. Some believe that rippping naturally is better than being cut. (something about less infection and faster healing) But I guess it depends on how big the baby is and/or how small you are.
And that wire being "screwed" into the baby's skull is a tiny suction cup. If I'm thinking of the right thing.

I think this list should be 6 horrors of childbirth they never tell MEN about. because any pregnant woman or woman trying to get pregnant is gonna research the heck outta it.

Haha I know there are merits to procreation on top of "ew poop" (if you can't handle poop, how will you handle 1-2 years of diapers?) - I just thought it would be funny to hear everyone's gross-out TMI stories from their experiences!

I'm afraid to read it, krampus. I honestly do not want to remember ANYTHING about that day except the magnificent baby that came home with me. Despite all the preparation and reading, and knowing that all this stuff can happen, I have never felt less in control, or more like some sort of weird medical experiment. Perhaps it was the hospital. Regardless, there is no force on earth (or otherwise - I've often said if God approached me for the next Immaculate Conception, humankind was doomed) that could convince me to go through it again. :D Not a single millisecond of regret - just not gonna happen ever again. EVER.

your body protects you from really being aware of most of it the same way you would be if you were in a normal state of mind.

Hahahaha Yes and no.

Placenta. When I had my daughter they thought it would be funny to show mine to me. I threw up in the dish it was in. It's disgusting.

Episiotomies. Had one with son - 127 stiches. Didn't have one with daughter - No tearing. That is where I stand on that. And. Ouch. Just ouch.

I didn't poop either time. My husband has no tact and he would have told me. He was, however, in the bathroom doing his business when my daughter was about to be born. The nurse had to scream at him to get out there or miss things. Baby poop is unavoidably disgusting.

Alien heads - Both of mine were born with perfectly round heads.

Fetal Monitoring. I only had this with my first. It wasn't a huge deal.

Bill- outrageous. The amount it cost to birth my son could have purchased a house. I'm glad we're military.

Reading all that... why did I do that??? :D I know, cause they're darling and I love the snot out of them!

I had a very positive experience when I had my baby. It was painful obviously,and kinda gross, but it wasn't horrible!
Episiotomies - I didn't have to have one, and apparently most hospitals try not to do them unless they absolutely have to. They also told us at our prenatal class that you can refuse it - though I'm not sure how many people would refuse or do refuse.
My baby came out with a lovely, round shaped head :)
I live in Canada so I didn't see a bill or even hear how much it cost.
I would do it again for sure!!

The article was funny in my opinion. Obviously, when a woman decides she wants to have a baby, she will do a bit of research before and be prepared for what's coming. I think the experience itself is so painful, you couldn't care less about pooping or having an episiotomy. Plus, doctors are so used to it, I doubt any of them get grossed out. If I ever have a baby, I will not allow the baby's father to assist, that I am sure of. I'd rather have my best friend there with me.

I think that article was meant to be funny, but its really not that bad! I've had 2 kids.
Placenta- didn't see mine. After I pushed both my kids out I was so over come with the relief/joy feeling, I don't even remember delivering the placenta.
My doctor does not do episiotomies, but I tore with my first son. I didn't even know it. I was in labor for a few days with my first and pushed for like 4 hours! The baby was not in distress, and my doctor said if I was up to it I could continue with a vaginal birth, so I did. By the time he was crowning, I probably could have had my arms chewed off by a pack of wild squirrels and wouldnt have felt it. My husband was telling me as a was pushing that I was tearing/ bleeding, but I felt nothing!
It did burn for a week or so after, when I peed :(
Poop happens. I didn't because with both kids I had the urge to go while laboring, so I went to the toilet. So nothing was left when it came time to push. But you know what? Doctors and nurse see EVERYTHING! Nothing is new for them, trust me, I'm a nurse. We don't even bat an eye at those things.
You know what's really frightening is just the uncertainty of labor. Things can go wrong. Maybe its being a nurse that makes me worry, but I'm afraid of the baby decompensating or getting the cord wrapped around his neck, or getting caught up under the pevic bone, or having some kind of health issue that they missed during prenatal care.

I've had worse pain than child birth but it was definitely no picnic. The worst part was that it lasted 32 hours, that's a long time to be in pain no matter how high your tolerance. I would go through child birth again over raising another child though. ;) I don't have it in me for a second round.