Hi, right now I just wanted to get something off my chest-it feels like I am experiencing all the negative parts of weight loss (the waiting, the working towards it) without much reward. I will still go on and perhaps its not the right way of thinking, but no matter how positive I try to be, I just want to confess this. I try to try on new clothes, but my body hasn't changed much really, the "big parts" like the stomach and legs-which would result in the biggest difference in clothing sizes- are not much different. Perhaps weight training will help, which I am working on, perhaps it won't. I try to get into different hobbies, but I am not into them at the moment. For now, it feels like all that is in my life is losing weight and work, without seeing the physical results that I want. I am seeing physical results, just not in the parts where I want them. I can't help but be paranoid about all the negative things (like being told I look worse, etc) because in the back of my mind, it freaks me out that only the people who insult my weight loss might notice and at the end of hte day, nothing else will happen. What if I don't look better? What if my urine/blood tests come back and I am worse than before? I just want one positive thing to happen. I don't expect my life to change 100% for the better, but ugh it just feels like neverending effort and thats IT. Its alright, I will go on and work on my patience, I just wanted to say this "out loud."
I listened to my gut and it said "You could do with less of me."
Your post made me cry a wee bit. It struck a nerve that's been driving me depressed for the last two days. I understand at least part of what you're feeling.
The thinking of it all, the goal and the being on high alert with all our food choices, exercise, wondering when if and how we'll be successful. It's emotionally exhausting.
I have been feeling so overwhelmed with it all lately as well and I have so, so very far to go and I'm working so hard and I'm tired of my mind being consumed with weight/ weight loss/ fatness, etc. I'm marinating in the muck. A muck I've created.
The difference between you and I is this.
Going by your ticker you HAVE made amazing progress!!! You've come such a long way and I know you will get to where you want to be and you will step by step the same way you lost each pound so far.
Sending you many happy thoughts and encouragement out the wazoo. Go you! You can do it!!!
To the OP and Defluffin. My percieved flaws haven't changed that much but I am starting to see that my body type is as attractive as other ones. I have my own shape, that resembles many but isn't replicated by any. Appreciate what you have. Chances are you have some great assets you are overlooking b/c you are being blinded by what you don't like. You can't have it all( you might look really funny if you did) but I am thinking you both have some pretty awesome features that are truly unique to you and are going unnoticed by you.
Calorie counting gave me a method to fix the madness.
A high protein, moderate carb balance gives me control over cravings.
I can completely to relate to these feelings! There have been so mny times in the last year I'd look in the mirror after checking measurements and weight and just get straight up grumpy because I'd lose on calves but not in my hips or waist... or another time I'd see a budge on my bust but not my neck. I kept telling myself in those down moments that it just takes time - took time to get where I was at and will take time to see results of it going away.
Work on what can be seen faster. Make sure you keep the grooming up, keep your activities fun, de-stress in the ways you enjoy, dance to music you love - if you catch yourself getting your down moment, acknowledge it and refocus onto something you can have a better moment with.
You're already making healthier choices. Let those choices work for you. Give it the time it needs to work, too. If you get discouraged, reach out and let others help you with your burden.
I understand your frustration completely! I feel like no matter how much weight I lose I will still be dissatisfied with how I look because I have a weird body shape. My middle area is huge and my legs are thin, it's like two toothpicks stuck in a watermelon. The worse part is, the toothpicks keep getting slimmer, while the watermelon stays pretty much the same. I think this can only be fixed through exercising and weight lifting, but I have to accept that I'll never have an hourglass figure.
We're all different and we're all beautiful, so try and focus on your strengths for a change.
If you have beautiful eyes, why not make them stand out even more by wearing a more dramatic eye makeup, or if you have nicely shaped lips, dare to wear red.
Whenever I feel my insecurities are getting the best of me, I think about this poem:
I'm a woman. Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me.
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies, I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size. But when I start to tell them, They think I am telling lies, I say, It's in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips.
I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It's the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet.
Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them, They say they still can't see. I say, It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of the breasts, The grace of my style.
it just feels like neverending effort and thats IT
You're right, it is. It's a never ending effort to get and stay a healthy weight, just as it's a never ending effort to live with being fat... just like it's a never ending effort to just be alive.
BUT - never ending effort for weight loss REWARDS us with something - a healthy body that WILL look better and hopefully last longer.
It's slow, I know. So many times I wish, man I wish I could just skip a year ahead and pass all this madness by, but I guarantee you that next year I'll probably be saying, "wow that went by fast."
I don't know how much you weigh, but I know at almost 50 down like you are (which is no small feat!) no one noticed (unless I pointed it out first) and I wasn't down a single size. My stuff was loose, so all it did was make me look dumpy. It's disheartening, but somehow, you just need to find a way to keep going.
Last edited by Vex : 04-26-2012 at 10:49 PM.
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