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Well that was humiliating

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Old 04-22-2012, 11:23 AM   #1
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Default Well that was humiliating

We went over to the home of an old friend of my husband's last night. They were friends in high school and reconnected through facebook, so we decided to have dinner at their place. They have two little kids, 4 and 6. It was lovely to meet them, and things were going great, and then the younger one asked if we have any kids. I said no. He asked if we were going to have any kids, again I said no. Then he turns to his mom and says "well why is her tummy so fat then if there's no baby in there"...

The mom handled it really well and said "well God makes everyone different, in all shapes, sizes and colors, and she is perfect because God made her". I guess that the mom had just lost 60lbs so the kids are super aware of weight and weight loss right now, so it made it something they noticed.

Nonetheless, I was pretty embarrassed, and wanted to cry, but really didn't want to make a big deal out of it. It just really was not what I needed to hear last night. Meeting new people and having it literally said out loud that I'm fat just was not what I needed.
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Old 04-22-2012, 11:58 AM   #2
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I am amazed you didn't cry. I would have cried, and still be crying. Kids say the rudest things sometimes. If that was my child, I would have corrected them and told them it is rude to comment on someone's body size, and made them apologize for hurting someone's feelings. That is especially hurtful since the woman had lost weight herself, and she should have educated her kids a little better. Anyways, don't worry about it, and especially don't let it set you back. Just keep working towards better health for yourself, and ignore the thoughts and comments of others. We are worth more than just what other people think of us, especially those of us who have only been around for 4 years. Hugs to you.
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Old 04-22-2012, 12:00 PM   #3
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Oh man, that stinks. Even when you know "intellectually" that a 4 year old is all about facts (big belly = baby) and didn't mean to hurt your feelings, it still is tough to hear. But the good news is that you are working on it, and making great progress!
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Old 04-22-2012, 12:24 PM   #4
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The local store is owned by a family who just moved here from India. They are all tiny and their English is a bit rough. For the past few months the older woman at the store has asked me, "when will baby come?" First time, I got really upset and left... second time, I was still a little upset and left again...third time, I made a joke of it... "They're twins, and in about 3 months..." She noticed I'm a little smaller the other day and asked me if I was really having a baby or not and I said... "no..." and giggled, she laughed too and apologized... It might have been a little mean for me to lead her on, but I really don't think people should ask women if they are pregnant or not... Wait for the woman to tell you!!!
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Old 04-22-2012, 12:34 PM   #5
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I'm so sorry. I know how much that blows!!!! My little cousins used to ask me till they were really old enough to know better if I was pregnant, if I'd ever been pregnant (mind you I was in high school and undergrad at the time) and why I was "SO fat." It hurts. Especially when it's said in front of adults who know it's not appropriate. With my cousins alone I was able to tell them everyone was different and it was rude to make personal comments about people, but when adults were there I had to pretend not to care even though I was mortified.

The fact is yes, I was fat and I wasn't really doing anything about it. That was what made my situation extra sad. Yes it was embarrassing but feel the victory in the the fact that you're doing something about it. If you're not happy or comfortable with your body, you're working on it. And you're succeeding. That's the victory. Next time you meet that little boy he'll be older and hopefully wiser, but you definitely will be tinier. So keep on trucking, dear, ok?
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Old 04-22-2012, 12:49 PM   #6
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Oh, gosh I'm so sorry to hear that!!

That has happened to me way to frequently in the past when I was a preschool teacher. "Ms. Miranda why is your tummy so big? Ms. Miranda you're fat.". Granted, their moms were super skinny and I guess I was a lot bigger than them at the time, but it still hurt SO much. Don't let this get to you, though. Kids will be kids and as you said they are just really tuned in with weight loss right now because of their mother.

Sorry that happened to you. You got this though, turn it into fuel for your fire!!!
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Old 04-22-2012, 12:52 PM   #7
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I did that to my mom when I was little. I didn't mean anything bad by it and I think any little kids like that really don't know better. Not all kids can understand things at that level until they are quite a bit older. It sucks, but don't let it get you down.

I've embarresed my poor mom a lot, I even told my kindergarden teacher one day she had the runs! LOL
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Old 04-22-2012, 01:06 PM   #8
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Young children are very curious and ask a lot of questions. That is how they learn.
We must remember that we ate ourselves into our embarrassing moments.
The only way to avoid these embarrassments completely is to lose the weight and get thin.

Sigh...and it's such a looong journey.
Until then, any of us can expect comments like this from little kids.


Best of luck to everyone here. I hope we all get a lot thinner by the Holiday Season this winter!




That fat girl is still inside of you... still part of you... but she knows she's never allowed to come back because she's not healthy.
But she played a very important role - she showed you what you never want to be again and what you will never do to yourself again.
She showed you a very dark side of life and now allows you to empathize with people who are struggling the way you did.
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Old 04-22-2012, 01:10 PM   #9
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my kids used to say stuff like that all the time and my husband would get so mad at them. but hey, I am fat. I knew that before they told me and they just were telling the truth.
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Old 04-22-2012, 01:34 PM   #10
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I didn't blame the mom. She said she's trying hard to help her kids understand the balance between her being proud of being slimmer and healthier, and them not having negative body views. I think it was just one of those innocent moments when kids don't understand what the social filter is.

I do I agree that its my own less-than-healthy behavior that has made it an issue, and I'm sure I'll see it as motivating soon, but for now, I'm still feeling sorry for myself a bit. I'm giving myself until the end of the day to wallow in my self pity.

Thanks everyone for the support! It makes such a difference to be able to tell people who may have had an embarrassing moment, and have people understand.
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Old 04-22-2012, 01:43 PM   #11
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I think the important thing to remember is that there was no judgement attached, that when little children say things they are using the words to describe, not judge. For them the term "fat" is like saying yellow, or tall. It's our negative feelings about these issues that color things. I wouldn't be surprised if "fat tummy" is a term the child has heard in the household in reference to pregnancy, so was naturally confused. I think the mother did well to explain things to the child and perhaps had a talk later about commenting about other people.
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Old 04-22-2012, 01:58 PM   #12
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I broke a chair at a Christmas party once - now *that* was pretty embarrassing to say the least :O(

Yes, give yourself a day, then try to forget it - it was a very young child who really didn't understand, but I *do* know how you feel - hang in there!
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Old 04-22-2012, 02:15 PM   #13
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I carry a crazy amount of weight in my arms. Seriously, they are HUGE and I am really self-conscious about them. I work out with my sister at her house a few times a week, and one day I went over there in a t-shirt for our usual workout. My six-year-old nephew looked at me and said, "Auntie, your arms are huge!"

This was in front of my sister, her husband, and her teenage stepson, naturally. Thanks, kid! But then he added, "You have big muscles like a superhero!" which in his book is a plus, since at the time he was superhero obsessed. (He's moved on to ninjas.)

So it's all about perception. It was still really hard to hear, but kids are never going to stop calling like they see it. The good news is that we can change ourselves for the better so we don't have to hear that stuff anymore.
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Old 04-22-2012, 02:17 PM   #14
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Unfortunately kids don't come with filters Sorry this happened to you, but don't let it deter you. Be strong!
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Old 04-22-2012, 02:24 PM   #15
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:hugs: I had that happen to me once before and I DID cry! Kudos for you for being able to control your emotions. Kids usually don't understand a whole lot about other people's feeling but that doesn't make it hurt any less. You are beautiful!
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