A lot of days I feel like crying, but today is just worse than ever. I feel like I want to throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum like a 2 year old. I just feel like I CANĻT DO THIS!!!!
I am married to an Army Intel Analyst who works for NATO. We are stationed in Spain, but he is deployed in Afganistan. I hate deployment. There I said it. He comes home at the end of July, and in 14 months we have spent only 3 together. Every part of life is on my shoulders and I feel the weight of it could break my back. We live in a giant house in the country, with a huge yard. I have to take care of 100% of the house chores (of course) the yard, with the mowing, trimming, weed eating, vegetable garden, wood chopping, watering, dog poop, paying the bills, car maintenance, ect.
The pool. I have to fill the pool, scrape the crap, do the chemicals. Today the interior filter is clogged and I donīt know how to fix it, itīs his job and if the filter is clogged the vaccuum wonīt work and when the vaccuum wont work I canīt clean the pool and then it will be more work.
I work full-time plus as a teacher in a k-12 academy, and teach college kids at night. I volunteer for an animal rescue organization and have about a hundred animals to take care of. I am trying to diet, but when I am stressed, I eat. I am a very emotional eater. I try to shop and cook healthy, but sometimes Iīm bad.
I am infertile with PCOS and currently going through my 3rd round of IVF- ALONE! Yes, this is my choice, but if I waited till my hubby was here to do it, we might not ever have a family. Last IVF- he was deployed to the north pole. (yes, seriously).
Last week I got my dog castrated and he ripped out his stitched 2x, had them re-done and he got a big infection. Spent saturday at the hospital.
I feel so over-loaded and just really, really want to cry. I feel like I canīt do this alone. I didnīt get married to be alone. I realize I married an Army man and I knew it, but Iīm so alone, with no support of any kind here. I have so much on my plate. I want to get in bed and pull the covers over my head until my amazing hubby comes home, and then life will be perfect again
Thanks for reasing my rant. Itīs just one of those days. If I were a drinker, I think Iīd have a few...haha, but Iīm not so I drank 2 glasses of milk and had 6 chocolate chip cookies, and still feel horrible.
And please donīt get me wrong, I do feel very blessed with my life, and am generally a happy person, sometimes the stress just overflows!