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Old 04-21-2012, 08:15 AM   #1
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Being 3FC educated I may have screwed up last night...totally unintentionally!

For date night, Angie and I went shopping for some new doors, we are installing this week-end, after dinner. We ran into a lady that is a friend of ours.

A little background ~ I have known her since we were teens, over 40 years, she was, until about 3 .5 years ago, married to a friend of mine who I grew up with. He used to work for me and we talk and see each other a few times a year. He is also friends of my brother and bil...they see him a bit more than I do. The lady and I have always been on good terms, although not a lot of contact. It has been almost 30 years since she has been to my home but for many years she did my taxes until a few years ago when she went to work full time for a tax company. I would see her at the grocery store a few times a year and a few times on occasion when I would drop by their house to pay her husband or other job related stuff. So, not a lot of contact on a daily basis.

Anyway, Angie and I are looking at doors when we hear...

"Hi Gary, Hi Angie"

turning around to a voice I recognized I saw somebody else

"WOW!!" ...stumbling for what to say next, out comes "What happened? You have lost a whole person!"

"I lost 136 pounds, Gary"

"That's a me plus 11 pounds!" says Angie

I ask her how she did it and she says "I got happy!"

Then I say "Awesome, but seriously how did you do it, if you wouldn't mind telling me?"

She says through nutrition and working out.

Angie says "Eating right makes a big difference doesn't it?"

She says "It sure does, I am working with a nutritionist"

A little small talk about us remodeling the house and we say our good-byes.

I leave her with a "You look great and deserve to with all your hard work"

"Thank-you" and off she went.

Now I know everything I said and did was with heartfelt happiness for her. But for some reason I am a bit bothered that I just "blurted out" comments about her new weight loss...when, as I saw her grow over the years I never mentioned weight at all in any conversation.

Why did I do that?....I dunno....stupid-stupid.

I'm not sure it bothered her....not sure it didn't.

But I gotta tell ya, I am really pissed off at her ex-husband for not mentioning it. Just the other day he saw my brother and he asked about her. Ex husband said she was doing ok....

OK!...are you serious...OK!!! she is doing great. You never thought once her losing all that weight was worth mentioning dude? A problem all his life...we always called him..."All about ME xxxx"

Well, thanks for listening....I just wanted to get that off my chest....

I hope I wasn't too stupid...and next time I see her I will be better prepared!

Seriously, now that I think about it I must have been in shock

I didn't once mention my GRANDdaughters1&2 to her....
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Old 04-21-2012, 08:32 AM   #2
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Quote:
I ask her how she did it and she says "I got happy!"

GARY ~ I think this comment was very telling about how she felt; and since you know her DH's character, it explains a lot. Sometimes a person's spouse and/or family contribute to a lot of stress & unhappiness; but when they get a chance to change that, you will see a big difference in their attitude and appearance.

While I know it isn't usual to talk about someone's appearance (other than to say "You are lookin' well"), you were just taken aback by the change in her appearance. I don't think that she seemed annoyed or anything. I think you were in shock too, but in a good way.
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Old 04-21-2012, 08:33 AM   #3
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I think she has known you long enough that she wasn't at all offended by your remark, but I will say as the grandmother of two that I am offended that you didn't mention your grandbabies. Sheesh !
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Old 04-21-2012, 08:37 AM   #4
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I've lost significant weight and people notice...out loud. I LOVE IT when people who actually care notice out loud. It's awkward for people that I don't have a connection with. However, it reaffirms my work and actually makes me feel great that someone noticed. And after a divorce, I bet it feels even better.

I host my job meetings at the same hotel (and have for years). This year, the Sales Director came to me and said the catering staff kept telling her that she had to see what I "had done." It can really give you a pick up on a down diet day.....

Don't feel bad
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:07 AM   #5
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you know what? if you'd looked at her and just said "oh - hi angie - looking good", i think she'd've been disappointed and maybe a little hurt.

let's face it, it's just not reasonable to expect that one could lose that much weight and ppl aren't going to freak out. it's like boob implants - i never understand the women who get implants to go from B to a DD and then get all offended because ppl comment. ANY radical change in appearance is going to draw comment - it's just human nature.

and the reason you never mentioned her weight before? clearly it wasn't even on your radar, which i'm sure she found very nice, too.

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Old 04-21-2012, 09:20 AM   #6
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Gary, I am sure that she appreciated your sweet comments. I LOVE it when people norice and say something, especially my friends
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:36 AM   #7
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I don't see anything wrong with what you said. Sounds like you both said very flattering things to her.

Her EX-Husband probably has a problem with all the weight loss. It may irk him that she has done this and is happy now.
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:57 AM   #8
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Thanks ladies

I had not seen her for about a year and a half. And had absolutely no thought in my mind she would ever lose weight, knowing her "personality".

I just have seen, mentioned here, many times when women get offended (sometimes) about others mentioning it. And here I blurt it right out!

I really don't think she was hurt by my remarks, knowing me for so long but I am still not so sure I did the best thing in the situation. As I mentioned when and if I see her again I will be better prepared...even for the chance she gains some of it back...

most of us know how that can go

I will say both had their issues in the marriage and not taking sides here.

But I will tell you how her ex would go on and on and on how she was putting on weight while he worked out at the gym 5 mornings a week.

True story...he went but if he worked out it was mostly in the "blah-blah-blah" department telling others how good he was doing compared to her.

The last he mentioned his weight # to me it was 330...he is 6'1"....that was several years ago and he was offended that his doctor told him he was obese. He said, I am a big man but not obese.

I saw him about a month ago and all I can say is he is still a big man and getting bigger!

Be good
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:20 AM   #9
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i'm sure she wasn't offended, and probably took it as a compliment, I think just about any woman would, especially after loosing as much weight as she had. I know I do when someone mentions about the weight I've lost, it gives you kind of a pick me up kind of feeling and makes you proud of how far you've come once people start noticing
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