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if it had been anybody else, i'd've been crushed.

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Old 04-20-2012, 12:06 AM   #1
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Default if it had been anybody else, i'd've been crushed.

my daughter's father was in rare form tonight. the argument culminated with him saying "lose weight!? YOU lose weight!? where!? you're as fat as ever!"



needless to say, that's pretty much killed anything that might've been repaired between us and the really sad thing is i don't actually care what he has to say or what he thinks. were he to drop at my feet, i'd step over him on the way to the kettle for a nice hot cup of tea before i called 911.

assuming i could i find his phone (as *if* i'd call on MY dime!).


what it boils down to is, he expects me to do 100% of the housework; 100% of the parenting; 100% of the laundry; prepare family meals; AND pay half of all the bills (such as the mortgage on HIS house, the insurance on HIS car, the hydro - two baths a week is "excessive" but he's okay to shower twice a day). oh - and i'm to just keep on paying 100% of the internet even though he's streaming indian movies 4-5hrs a day.

about cooking: it's apparently perfectly acceptable for him to not let me know when he'll be home and, assuming i timed it right and food was ready when he got home, it's absolutely fine for him to lift the lid, peer into it as though i forgot to kill whatever's in there, and say "no.... no, i don't feel to eat that. i'll just go down the road and get something". he's "particular", you see, when it comes to food - he can't eat "just any old slop".


personally, i'm thinking i can do better than $800 a month for what boils down to a room in the basement - not even a full apartment.

and now i'm going to bed.

good night everybody.

Last edited by threenorns : 04-20-2012 at 12:12 AM.
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Old 04-20-2012, 12:12 AM   #2
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Yikes, I'm so sorry...

Sounds like it's time for him to hit the road.
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Old 04-20-2012, 12:12 AM   #3
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Maybe he made that comment because he senses that you no longer care and he'd rather hurt you than not influence you in any way? Not sure if that's true or if it makes sense. I feel for you though. That's no way to treat a woman. I'm glad at least you weren't crushed.
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Old 04-20-2012, 12:13 AM   #4
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I'm sorry. What a jerk!
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Old 04-20-2012, 12:17 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by luckymommy View Post
Maybe he made that comment because he senses that you no longer care and he'd rather hurt you than not influence you in any way? Not sure if that's true or if it makes sense. I feel for you though. That's no way to treat a woman. I'm glad at least you weren't crushed.
You know what? This comment makes a LOT of sense. I had a falling out with a friend that deteriorated to this extent. In the end, we realized all the nasty *below the belt* name calling was tied to each of us being so hurt we didn't know how else to express ourselves. Luckily, we were able to patch things up... but it really opened my eyes to this kind of behavior in other relationships. Sometimes we are just so hurt we don't know how to communicate without being nasty. Without our walls. His words were cruel, and there is no excuse for them... but maybe he's hurting too?

I'm sorry you're going through this.
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:04 AM   #6
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Ugh, what a mess, indeed. Whatever the reason, that was a completely rude thing to say. He clearly has no respect for you at all, and you can do better for that much grief!
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:38 AM   #7
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What an a-hole!!
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:45 AM   #8
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He sounds very selfish and verbally abusive. I would make a chore calendar so that you can share responsibility, and I would map out a fair budget. Men can only do to you what you allow them to. I was in a bad relationship once, had to leave because he would never change. I hope things get better for you.
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:48 AM   #9
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Don't you dare listen to any of this nonsens that he says! You are worth so much more
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Old 04-20-2012, 02:09 AM   #10
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What made me finally reach my breaking point was realizing that my kids, especially my daughter, was watching their dad treat me like crap, verbally abuse and torment me. I finally asked myself "Do I want my daughter to grow up thinking it is okay to be treated this way? Do I want my sons to think that it is okay to treat women this way? " A big **** NO on both accounts.
You and your daughter deserve to be treated better than this. Good luck hun.
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Old 04-20-2012, 03:20 AM   #11
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Wow, that's not appropriate behavior from him. Sorry you're going through this, I hope you know it's not about you.

I don't know why people feel the need to lash out verbally (or otherwise) to make themselves feel better. Sounds like he needs a time out.
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Old 04-20-2012, 04:29 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by threenorns View Post
my daughter's father was in rare form tonight. the argument culminated with him saying "lose weight!? YOU lose weight!? where!? you're as fat as ever!"



needless to say, that's pretty much killed anything that might've been repaired between us and the really sad thing is i don't actually care what he has to say or what he thinks. were he to drop at my feet, i'd step over him on the way to the kettle for a nice hot cup of tea before i called 911.

assuming i could i find his phone (as *if* i'd call on MY dime!).


what it boils down to is, he expects me to do 100% of the housework; 100% of the parenting; 100% of the laundry; prepare family meals; AND pay half of all the bills (such as the mortgage on HIS house, the insurance on HIS car, the hydro - two baths a week is "excessive" but he's okay to shower twice a day). oh - and i'm to just keep on paying 100% of the internet even though he's streaming indian movies 4-5hrs a day.

about cooking: it's apparently perfectly acceptable for him to not let me know when he'll be home and, assuming i timed it right and food was ready when he got home, it's absolutely fine for him to lift the lid, peer into it as though i forgot to kill whatever's in there, and say "no.... no, i don't feel to eat that. i'll just go down the road and get something". he's "particular", you see, when it comes to food - he can't eat "just any old slop".


personally, i'm thinking i can do better than $800 a month for what boils down to a room in the basement - not even a full apartment.

and now i'm going to bed.

good night everybody.
Doesn't sound as if anyone's happy with this arrangement. I hope things improve for you soon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaBravo View Post
What made me finally reach my breaking point was realizing that my kids, especially my daughter, was watching their dad treat me like crap, verbally abuse and torment me. I finally asked myself "Do I want my daughter to grow up thinking it is okay to be treated this way? Do I want my sons to think that it is okay to treat women this way? " A big **** NO on both accounts.
You and your daughter deserve to be treated better than this. Good luck hun.
Your kids are lucky to have such a smart, caring mother. Good on you for realizing you deserve so much better, and for not allowing your partner to abuse you in front of your children. No one is worth that.
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Old 04-20-2012, 07:35 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaBravo View Post
What made me finally reach my breaking point was realizing that my kids, especially my daughter, was watching their dad treat me like crap, verbally abuse and torment me. I finally asked myself "Do I want my daughter to grow up thinking it is okay to be treated this way? Do I want my sons to think that it is okay to treat women this way? " A big **** NO on both accounts.
You and your daughter deserve to be treated better than this. Good luck hun.

that is precisely why i left him the first time. the whole time he was living with me, things were fine - i put my foot down and told him there was no way he is disrespecting me in MY home in front of our daughter.

but now it's "HIS" house so he figures he can do and say anything he wants and he's the king of his domain.


up to last night, i cared very deeply. now i'm done. all he cares about is money - that's it. all that wood i split? doesn't count - "i didn't ask you to do it" and i'm supposed to be so impressed and grateful that he picked up a phone and called his friend to bring over a chain saw. that was a lot of effort, you know - it took time out of his day. caring for our daughter? doesn't count - "you'se the mother - what else you here for?".


i lost my job unexpectedly last month so he had to cover my share of the expenses. now he wants all last month's money AND this month's by the end of the month "or you see what happens". that means i'll have to put a stop to my cell phone and the internet (since he's not interested in paying for it). i'm thinking of leaving him again - but this time i'd be going to fort macmurray. my daughter caiti lives there and has been harassing me HUGE to join her. if not there, my oldest daughter lives in calgary and just loves it.

Last edited by threenorns : 04-20-2012 at 07:37 AM.
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Old 04-20-2012, 07:41 AM   #14
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It really sounds like this relationship is dead in the water. Negative in so many respects.. there's no partnership there and no respect. Even though it's hard, financially especially, it sounds like you need to make the move. You'll look back on this in a few months' time and I bet you'll be SO glad that you gathered the courage to leave.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 04-20-2012, 07:43 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by threenorns View Post
that is precisely why i left him the first time. the whole time he was living with me, things were fine - i put my foot down and told him there was no way he is disrespecting me in MY home in front of our daughter.

but now it's "HIS" house so he figures he can do and say anything he wants and he's the king of his domain.


up to last night, i cared very deeply. now i'm done. all he cares about is money - that's it. all that wood i split? doesn't count - "i didn't ask you to do it" and i'm supposed to be so impressed and grateful that he picked up a phone and called his friend to bring over a chain saw. that was a lot of effort, you know - it took time out of his day. caring for our daughter? doesn't count - "you'se the mother - what else you here for?".


i lost my job unexpectedly last month so he had to cover my share of the expenses. now he wants all last month's money AND this month's by the end of the month "or you see what happens". that means i'll have to put a stop to my cell phone and the internet (since he's not interested in paying for it). i'm thinking of leaving him again - but this time i'd be going to fort macmurray. my daughter caiti lives there and has been harassing me HUGE to join her. if not there, my oldest daughter lives in calgary and just loves it.
I agree with Kirsteng. It doesn't sound like either of you (particularly you) are happy. I hope you come to a decision and figure something out. I'm sure your daughter would be thrilled to have you closer!
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