A lot of days I feel like crying, but today is just worse than ever. I feel like I want to throw myself on the floor and have a tantrum like a 2 year old. I just feel like I CANĻT DO THIS!!!!
I am married to an Army Intel Analyst who works for NATO. We are stationed in Spain, but he is deployed in Afganistan. I hate deployment. There I said it. He comes home at the end of July, and in 14 months we have spent only 3 together. Every part of life is on my shoulders and I feel the weight of it could break my back. We live in a giant house in the country, with a huge yard. I have to take care of 100% of the house chores (of course) the yard, with the mowing, trimming, weed eating, vegetable garden, wood chopping, watering, dog poop, paying the bills, car maintenance, ect.
The pool. I have to fill the pool, scrape the crap, do the chemicals. Today the interior filter is clogged and I donīt know how to fix it, itīs his job and if the filter is clogged the vaccuum wonīt work and when the vaccuum wont work I canīt clean the pool and then it will be more work.
I work full-time plus as a teacher in a k-12 academy, and teach college kids at night. I volunteer for an animal rescue organization and have about a hundred animals to take care of. I am trying to diet, but when I am stressed, I eat. I am a very emotional eater. I try to shop and cook healthy, but sometimes Iīm bad.
I am infertile with PCOS and currently going through my 3rd round of IVF- ALONE! Yes, this is my choice, but if I waited till my hubby was here to do it, we might not ever have a family. Last IVF- he was deployed to the north pole. (yes, seriously).
Last week I got my dog castrated and he ripped out his stitched 2x, had them re-done and he got a big infection. Spent saturday at the hospital.
I feel so over-loaded and just really, really want to cry. I feel like I canīt do this alone. I didnīt get married to be alone. I realize I married an Army man and I knew it, but Iīm so alone, with no support of any kind here. I have so much on my plate. I want to get in bed and pull the covers over my head until my amazing hubby comes home, and then life will be perfect again
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Thanks for reasing my rant. Itīs just one of those days. If I were a drinker, I think Iīd have a few...haha, but Iīm not so I drank 2 glasses of milk and had 6 chocolate chip cookies, and still feel horrible.
And please donīt get me wrong, I do feel very blessed with my life, and am generally a happy person, sometimes the stress just overflows!