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Bad day at work! Women manager rants!

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Old 04-18-2012, 07:42 AM   #1
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Default Bad day at work! Women manager rants!

Ok so first off, I am a woman manager, so not a woman hater and i have seen some fantastic managers, of which my manager is definitely up there for being so awesome! Anyway so here's my rant :

Why do some women managers feel like they have to act like total hard *** bi*ches to be taken seriously?? why?? So had a meeting with this biatch manager at work who is only slightly my senior but much older and you should have seen her throwing her weight around, treating me like I was dirt under her feet and being a total *****. Am so angry mainly because 1) I hate conflict and years as fat girl, i cant stand up for myself. In highschool when being bullied, Id just go home and eat and tried not to draw attention to myself.I have changed a lot since then but I still cant stand up to bullies. I just become quiet and passive and i hate it! I also have this incredible urge to eat which i know its just how I always react and 2 ) because no one should have the right to treat others like sh*t regarldess of their levels and I am not saying men managers cant behave the same way but I mainly see this from women managers and it makes me angry because you shouldnt feel you have to be a bully to be taken seriously at work and instances like today makes me realise why they do. And then it scares me because i can see how she does get this way because frankly it sucks to be treated the way I was treated today.

Anyway not sure what the point of this rant is, only my need to get it off my chest so i dont eat.
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:02 AM   #2
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it's the same way with doctors - i really hate female doctors.

just an example: i don't care what anybody says, pap tests HURT and then i bleed like a stuck pig for 4 days afterward. a female OB/GYN said she wanted to do a pap test and then *scoffed* at me!

"oh, come on, it's not THAT bad"

shoulda seen the look on her face when the bleeding started!

went to another female doctor bec of my prolapse situation - all she wanted to do was talk about the HCG diet plan available through her office. she didn't even consider running any tests or assessment unless i signed up and "lost some weight" - no specific number, just "some".

and i was "only" 160lbs at that point - considering my target range is 125 - 145, 160 isn't that big a deal when it comes to your insides bottoming out!

unfortunately, that's just how power hits some people. i think, though, that it's worse when it's a woman because we kind of expect that sort of patronizing "know-it-all" behaviour males in authority - women are kinda supposed to be more empathetic and compassionate.

it's like child abuse - when it's a guy, everybody just kinda rolls their eyes and says "figures" but when it's a woman, there's an element of shocked disbelief that isn't there when it's a guy committing the abuse.
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:23 AM   #3
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One good for you for not eating because of it...

But seriously LEARN to stand up for yourself. My boss (male) can be a bully and I don't tolerate it. I stand up for myself and you know what the second I open up my mouth he shrugs his shoulders and walks away. I haven't gotten fired from it or had backlash because of it. He likes to make people feel like crap but the SECOND you said something to stand up for yourself he will walk away because he can dish the heat but can't take it. I haven't tolerated bullying since middle school whether it was with myself or another person. Mind you people learned to back down to me once I said something. My bite is worst than my bark and my bark is pretty bad.

I have a female co-worker who is a huge power tripper (she's kind of a supervisor, when our supervisor isn't here. She's the leader of the group) and she talks down to people like their dumb children (not saying children are dumb just saying) and makes them feel like crap and it's not because she's a b*tch it's because it makes her feel better about herself. She has no control over her life outside of this place so she tries to control everything and everyone in this place. Truth is she's an insecure little girl and she looks for the weaker to belittle and put down because in reality the bigger dogs put her down. Because she has never gotten past her issues that happened to her YEARS ago. NOT all females are horrible in high power situations...but a lot are. I've worked with lots of female manager (mostly in retail) and the ones that were complete b*tches were that way because they were insecure and unhappy with their lives. The ones that were great that I worked with had their s*it together, were confident and really didn't let it go to their heads.

Speak to her about the way she treated you and if she's like that all the time I would really suggest finding a new job so you can be happy and not have to deal with that!
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Old 04-18-2012, 10:33 AM   #4
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I have the same problem at work. I'm just a server at a retirement community; however, the women in the offices are so rude to me because I am just a server. They don't even pronounce my name right. They will say "how are you doing today alicia?" (my name is alyssa) and then walk off before I can even answer. And the tone they ask me in is so rude and condescending. And then the women who are trying to get somewhere in the company are so horribly mean and "privileged" because they have been there so many years they completely disregard and degrade myself and some of my fellow co workers. I don't know why they act that way? Maybe it is just competing in a mans world? But there is not excuse for it and there comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. But, you don't want to make it an awkward work situation or even just make the situation worse to begin with. I would take as much of it as I can, and realize that they way they are acting is unacceptable, and you are probably not the only one to notice. If it gets genuinely out of hand I would sit down with her and HR and talk it out.
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Old 04-18-2012, 11:05 AM   #5
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I hate "bully bosses" whether they're male or female. But yeah, I hear ya ... a bully female boss is a TOTAL B**** to work for!! - esp. when you're a woman! I had one once. She was completely out to get me! - at first, it wasn't because she didn't like me; it was because she wanted her "friend" in the office when her when she transferred. She thought she could just "shove me into another dept." - but of course, I said "no thanks, I'll stay where I am".

Then she seemed to make it her one mission in life to get rid of me! - I did a good job, so she couldn't cite anything about my employment record itself. Plus, I was SUPER NICE to her and EVERYONE ELSE, and VERY GOOD with customer service, so I had lots of co-workers to back me up.

Then she started picking apart little tiny bull***t things, and writing crazy stupid notes in my personnel file. I swear, after 3 1/2 years, my file was 3" thick!!!! And I mean it was all stupid, little dumb crap. But lots & lots of it!! Even HR asked her "what is your problem with this woman?"

Then the straw that broke the camel's back was her retirement. Happiest day of my life when she left! ... but then!... She actually CAME BACK TO WORK THERE (part time) after being gone for 3 months, because they couldn't replace her due to HER BOSS having left & they needed to replace him first. WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. She said "far as I'm concerned, let the past be in the past! We'll start fresh & new!" - and less than a week later, she had me in her office over some stupid crap & it was worse than before!!!...

When she wrote a letter to me & copied HR & the VP on it, stating that I had "2 weeks to straighten up" and "consider this your last warning" blahblahblah... I had just HAD ENOUGH. I shot off a letter to HR & the VP myself. A 7-page letter disputing all her claims, and included emails & other proof to back up my defense!

She re-retired shortly thereafter, and I was so happy she was gone! - but I was truly tired of the whole thing by then, and four months later, I resigned & am working at my current job for 6 years now. I LOVE IT HERE. Boss is super great!!! Makes all the difference in the world, when you feel appreciated for your work & praised for the good while gently corrected for what needs correcting.
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Old 04-18-2012, 12:09 PM   #6
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[quote=threenorns;4298564]it's the same way with doctors - i really hate female doctors.

just an example: i don't care what anybody says, pap tests HURT and then i bleed like a stuck pig for 4 days afterward. a female OB/GYN said she wanted to do a pap test and then *scoffed* at me!

[quote]

I learned this the hard way. I had a female OB/GYN for my pregnancy and during my visit at 39 weeks she gave me what is called "a stretch and sweep" without A) Asking my permission or B) Even telling me she was doing that! It was excruciatingly painful and made me bleed like crazy and caused me to go into labour.

Even now I feel like crying when I think about it because I feel like I was robbed of the chance to go into labour naturally and there was no reason for her to do that without my consent. In fact, i even researched it and many doctors frown on the practice because it can potentially introduce infection (the reason it is done at all is that many women request it in hopes of starting labour).

I really feel that a male doctor would be much to scared of doing something like that without permission but since she was female she basically didn't give a second thought to violating me.

And at all my checks she was so rough on my cervix.

Sorry, I know it's not related but I still feel slightly traumatized and venting about it helps a little.
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Old 04-18-2012, 12:18 PM   #7
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[quote=Pepino;4298931][quote=threenorns;4298564]it's the same way with doctors - i really hate female doctors.

just an example: i don't care what anybody says, pap tests HURT and then i bleed like a stuck pig for 4 days afterward. a female OB/GYN said she wanted to do a pap test and then *scoffed* at me!

Quote:

I learned this the hard way. I had a female OB/GYN for my pregnancy and during my visit at 39 weeks she gave me what is called "a stretch and sweep" without A) Asking my permission or B) Even telling me she was doing that! It was excruciatingly painful and made me bleed like crazy and caused me to go into labour.

Even now I feel like crying when I think about it because I feel like I was robbed of the chance to go into labour naturally and there was no reason for her to do that without my consent. In fact, i even researched it and many doctors frown on the practice because it can potentially introduce infection (the reason it is done at all is that many women request it in hopes of starting labour).

I really feel that a male doctor would be much to scared of doing something like that without permission but since she was female she basically didn't give a second thought to violating me.

And at all my checks she was so rough on my cervix.

Sorry, I know it's not related but I still feel slightly traumatized and venting about it helps a little.
Oh I always bleed after a pap, and I get cramps during it...I always assume it hurts haha except two weeks ago I got another PAP and for once I didn't get cramps. I was like wtf is this? wheres my pain?
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Old 04-18-2012, 01:00 PM   #8
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Would you suggest that difficult _male_ managers or doctors were difficult because of their sex?

Yeah, didn't think so.
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Old 04-18-2012, 01:09 PM   #9
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Some managers are jerks. Some are bullies. Male or female, it's frustrating to deal with managers that suck. Some doctors don't listen.

But I agree with MariaMaria - male managers get called out SO MUCH LESS on bad behavior than females. A male manager who yells is "having a bad day". A female manager who yells is "such a b**ch".
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Old 04-18-2012, 05:32 PM   #10
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I can relate. Honestly, I've never had a bad male manager, such as one that tried to bully, humiliate, or otherwise scare me into submission. I've had some men who were paternalistic, which pisses me off because my dad died when I was 10 and I don't need one in the workplace.

I have had some really nasty women managers. It was like they had something to prove. I've also had some awesome women managers (including my current boss), and they had ways of being direct, suggesting areas for improvement, and still making me feel like a valued employee. I never once thought they were a *****. Not the nasty women, they were just all-around nasty.
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Old 04-18-2012, 05:36 PM   #11
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Quote:
I learned this the hard way. I had a female OB/GYN for my pregnancy and during my visit at 39 weeks she gave me what is called "a stretch and sweep" without A) Asking my permission or B) Even telling me she was doing that! It was excruciatingly painful and made me bleed like crazy and caused me to go into labour.
That sucks. I asked for membrane sweeps in my last two pregnancies and they hurt a lot! If it makes you feel any better, I always hear they only put you into labor if you were really ready. I didn't go into labor either time. They are still considered a natural way to induce labor! But it was definitely wrong for your doctor to do it without asking.

I've never really had problems with female doctors. My gyno is a lady and she's cool. My PCP is a man, and he's cool.
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Old 04-18-2012, 07:32 PM   #12
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I've had both good and bad managers of both sexes. I do agree that a man will be said to "have a bad day" or is assertive and a woman is called a B. I had to snap at a co manager in front of her entire staff and boss to get it through her thick head and her bosses that she needed to back down. It worked but I did spend the next few weeks waiting for something to drop on my head. It didn't.

Good luck. I wish I had an answer for you.
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:14 PM   #13
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For some reason, women in managing positions feel that they need to be tougher than men to be taken seriously. This may have been the case 30 years ago, but now I don't understand why they continue with the "tough act". If you're a good manager, people will appreciate and respect you, there's no need to be harsh in order to reinforce your position.
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:25 PM   #14
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Quote:
For some reason, women in managing positions feel that they need to be tougher than men to be taken seriously.
First, can we please say "SOME women"?? Not all women managers are aggressive, and the stereotyping in this thread is making me really uncomfortable.

I can say on my personal experience, women who are acting equally tough to male managers are identified as being "harsher" than their male counterparts. For example, we had a female manager who was regularly called harsh, a b**ch, etc, when objectively, she was saying the same sorts of things in the same tone as some of the male managers I work with. It's mostly because we expect women to be softer/gentler (which is social conditioning we all get from our upbringing and social messages), so women acting "like men" comes across harsher than it would if men were acting that way. Also, sometimes the instinct a woman has is to cry (more than men, at least, particularly in my experience as a response to frustration) - but crying is considered pretty universally unacceptable in the workplace, so yelling is the only alternative path out for that stronger emotion. But then it's a double-edged sword, because even if the men yell just as much, the women are judged much more harshly for it.

Again, dealing with crummy bosses SUCKS, and OP, I'm sorry you're dealing with it and frustrated. But can we please keep this about bad BOSSES, and not about bad FEMALE bosses?
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Old 04-19-2012, 12:45 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amy8888 View Post
That sucks. I asked for membrane sweeps in my last two pregnancies and they hurt a lot! If it makes you feel any better, I always hear they only put you into labor if you were really ready. I didn't go into labor either time. They are still considered a natural way to induce labor! But it was definitely wrong for your doctor to do it without asking.

I've never really had problems with female doctors. My gyno is a lady and she's cool. My PCP is a man, and he's cool.

Thanks, you did make me feel slightly better. Especially since in my birth club the other women who had it done said it didn't hurt so I felt unvalidated.
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