Well I have to say you're right. Not to toot my own horn but when I am thin I am gorgeous (was scouted by modeling agencies in my late teens)... men were falling all over me... as the weight crept up, less and less men pursued me. Id have to say a major change occurred at 200 pounds. I was raped when I was 19 and about 170pounds-after that I just kept packing on the pounds and enjoyed the decreased attention(there were other contributing factors). But now that I am fat, men interact more comfortably with me which I assume is because they automatically ruleout me out as an 'interest'because of my weight. That said even last month I had a couple of really attractive doctors hit on me, so who know-it could be my previous lack of confidence which I have Been working on for quite some time but just recently started getting it back.
Last edited by TiffNeedsChange; 04-16-2012 at 10:10 PM.
Reason: For the love of typos
you still can't single out being big as the culprit - by your own words, you were actively trying to run off guys so the only ones you're going to get are the excessively persistent or the ones who cannot or will not take a hint.
i think being big gives me an advantage in finding a guy: bec they're more comfortable with me, they have time to get to know me as a person before they think about jumping in the sack.
lord knows i've tried to get rid of whatever-he-is-today but what am i gonna do: today he cooked me a *properly-portioned* steak exactly how i like it, with soba noodles (which i could actually eat since they're soy, not wheat), and stir-fried veg, chinese style (carrots and green beans).
doesn't sound like much except he's hindu.
we were friends and chatted and dated casually for a very long time before we jumped into bed. .... well, okay, *for me* it was a very long time - a good three weeks or so, lol.
Last edited by threenorns; 04-16-2012 at 10:18 PM.
I disagree that guys have a particular favorite body type. It has been my experience who a guy that likes big breasts will totally love small breasts if they like a girl who happens to have small breasts. Ditto for all other body shapes/sizes. It depends on the person. I do think that some people who are insecure will not admit it sometimes. Before we met, my husband dated a very, very thin girl who had small breasts. When we met, I was a lot thinner, but I was still curvy. It drove me crazy at first because I thought that he could not like me if he liked her. However, he did, and after I listened to what my male friends/acquaintances were saying I realized that attraction is not always consistent.
I haven't posted to 3FC in a long time but I had to respond to this.
To answer your question about polling men I think a very high percentage would choose the thin but not so pretty woman versus the overweight/pretty face woman. Yes, I know it's subjective but all you have to do is look around. I think the men would even tell you the the overweight woman has a pretty face but if the next question is "Which one would you like to take on a date?" nine times out of ten he'll go for the thin one. Sad but true.
Lynn
Yeah, this is what I've always seen. When you boil it down to basic biology, men are looking at our bodies, not our faces. This doesn't mean all men are pigs or anything, but at first glace that's what they're basing the decision on.
My grama always says "what a shame, she has such a pretty face." I do think that there are a lot of factors that go into people's decisions about what is pretty and what isn't, but I think that women who are thin tend to be forgiven for their facial features a lot of the time. If you take an average to downright unattractive face and put it on a skinny girl and a fat girl, the skinny girl will be thought of as prettier, either the face will be ignored or she will be a but-her-face. I've been all over the weight scale from my ballet days to right now, but I haven't really noticed much of a difference because a lot of my weight is in my boobs. I've always had an entourage of boys, ever since I was old enough for boys to not think girls have cooties, regardless of my weight. But that's because of my boobs and my personality... I think. So I don't think thin trumps pretty, but I do think that being thin gives unattractive features a pass.
In my experience, the guys I've met will take a skinny but unattractive girl over a fat girl any day. I don't understand it, tbh, but that's the way I've always seen things to be.
IMO I'd take being fat over having a really unattractive face. *shrug*
I have to say, I agree with most of the others on this board that men will take a thin female with a not so attractive face over someone overweight with a beautiful face.
I have seen it over and over (and even experienced it a few times).
I, personally, think it comes down to confidance. Not of the women but of the men. As someone stated, it is not a good thing to be considered a "chubby chaser" and that title and the stigma of dating a pretty but overweight girl is what drives guys away more than anything. They are not confidant in how their friends, family, even strangers will react to seeing them dating someone overweight. I have also noticed that (at least in my area) the many men who are considered "chubby chasers" are above average in the looks department, which gives them the confidance (and ability) to do what they want.
I, personally, think that if you don't want me when I am overweight that you don't deserve me when I am thinner.
I, personally, think that if you don't want me when I am overweight that you don't deserve me when I am thinner.
This is pretty much how I think. A lot of people could argue that this mindset is not fair, and "why should a guy date a girl who 'doesn't take care of herself?' *You* wouldn't date a fat guy!" but I vehemently disagree. I would date an overweight guy if I connected with him and really liked him.
I've been virtually tormented by randoms in my town simply because I'm fat. I'm treated like a second-class citizen. If any of those guys dares approach me when I lose weight, they'll wish they hadn't. I don't care if I "didn't take care of myself." Being overweight does not give others a free pass to make you pay for it. Being fat is not a crime and yet it's often treated like one.
In response to the original question, I don't think thin trumps pretty ALL of the time, but I think it does sometimes. I think a lot of it has to do with "how" thin/fat we're talking about. For most guys, it doesn't matter if you've got the most beautiful face in the world if you are 100+ pounds overweight. But if you're 20 pounds overweight and gorgeous, and you're friend is thin but ugly, I'd guess that gorgeous would win out.
The factors here are too varied to make any generalizations anyway. Personality, what is considered an "ugly" or "beautiful" face, etc. all come into play.
Do guys have "types?" Some do, some don't. Again, it's way to varied to say.
I think biologically men are driven to find women who are fertile, and this means not TOO thin. They want some hips, some boobs, some youth... all the things that might say "This lady sure can birth some babies!"
But I also think our culture has shifted that perspective of beauty. Because food is in abundance now, the body to achieve is the one that's difficult: very thin.
I have a group of male friends. Among them, 50% like girls with some meat on their bones, and 50% like thinner women. But personality has always been the final note. If one of the thin-lovin' guys finds a hot, thin, beautiful woman, he will still dump her if she's crazy, weird or stupid.
ETA: I'm not really sure it's fair to say someone has an "ugly" face, either, regardless of their size. I mean... beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have had plenty of people in my life tell me that I have an ugly face, and I've had plenty tell me that I'm beautiful. So who's right? You might see me and say "That's a thin girl with an ugly face, why does she have such a hot husband?" and someone else might see me and say "That's a pretty, thin girl, no wonder she has a hot husband."
Last edited by banananutmuffin; 04-17-2012 at 09:14 AM.
What I've noticed as a skinny person who has mostly over weight friends is that my friends get hit on first at a bar. But that could be that in heals, I'm close to 6' tall and most guys are around 5'9", so it's not a fair comparison.
What's solid in my mind, though, is no matter what one looks like, the sweetest girls keep the guy.
There's a woman in my gym. She possesses every stereotypical "ugly" in the book. Facial hair, big hairy moles on her face and body, acne, rediculously unkept hair, extremely over weight, you name it. She is the nicest person on Earth and has a husband who adores her and vice versa. She's a teacher and he even has a tat "hot for teacher"; it's very sweet.
I read somewhere once that "over 50% of men would consider their wife gaining over 100lbs grounds for divorce. " (sorry, I don't recall the link or id post it, i think it was in men's health maybe)
So, even if your face stays exactly the same when you're married, better not let that body change.
Asian describes anyone or anything from or related to any country in Asia (China, India, Vietnam, Philippines, Japan)
just sayin
oriental means "from the orient" and when dealing with humans refers to a specific phenotype - not all asian people have the epicanthic fold but all orientals do.
india, sri lanka, afghanistan, azerbaijan, and the UAE are also asia, among many other countries, and, to split a fine detail, First Nations are also oriental in origin, not "asian" since they didn't come from india or the UAE.
Last edited by threenorns; 04-17-2012 at 10:16 AM.
OK so my first thought to this was, "lord I hope so because the body is getting smaller but the face is hopeless" LOL!!
It's a fascinating question. Once thing I am so grateful for is a husband who loves me at every size, and I've been a lot of them. If you ask him, he'd probably say he prefers me thinner because *I'm* happier and frankly, way more active and fun to be around. Living with the depression that always seems to accompany my big weight gains can't be fun.
I was thinner when I was single, and regardless of my size I was never particularly interesting to the opposite sex; I just got lucky and found a few guys who seems to like me for who I was. Go figure
