How do you deal with underweight friends who want to lose weight?
I'm sure someone else has come across this problem- I'm trying to find a way to deal with or even help someone who is clinically underweight (bmi under 18.5) who is trying to lose weight. I feel, especially after my time with 3fc, like it's wrong to tell someone else when they should stop losing weight, but it's becoming a major health concern. Also, it's somehow different when you're talking about a friend vs a stranger.
It seems that people of all weights sometimes use weight loss as a way to fix other problems or general dissatisfaction in life. I don't know that she has a full-blown eating disorder, but I think the weight loss desire has to be coming from somewhere.
I realize that a lot of times, it's not my place to say anything, but if it's someone you care about shouldn't you try to help them? It's also a difficult experience for me, being obese.
Has anyone experienced this before? How do you deal with it? What should I do when compliments aren't enough, and staying out of it might be dangerous?
I can't say I've had experience with this, but my gut instinct would be to turn their preoccupation to some healthier that will still improve their appearance - like weight lifting, Pilates, or even something like skin brushing. If it truly a mental health issue they need professional help, but assisting them in finding something else to alter their appearance that will not jeopardize their health isn't a negative thing, I don't think.
I can't say I've had experience with this, but my gut instinct would be to turn their preoccupation to some healthier that will still improve their appearance - like weight lifting, Pilates, or even something like skin brushing. If it truly a mental health issue they need professional help, but assisting them in finding something else to alter their appearance that will not jeopardize their health isn't a negative thing, I don't think.
I wholeheartedly agree with this. There must be something that your friend dislikes about her appearance that she blames on weight. That being said, I think it's logical to introduce her to weightlifting, etc. which'll build muscle (and add a bit of weight) while reducing her body fat % and skinny-fat image. I think she'll be more susceptible to this suggestion too since it's still essentially beneficial to her goals.
Other than that, I'd casually warn her about the aesthetic disadvantages to losing too much weight; i.e. excessive hair loss.
Last edited by Elsewhere is Fine; 07-31-2012 at 09:56 PM.
Just...don't. If they are at a dangerous weight something will happen sooner or later to get them hospitalized. It's harsh, understood, but nothing you say will have any effect. It's like a drug addict almost, you need to find out for yourself when enough is enough.
No use worrying yourself sick when the person doesn't care.
I probably sound terrible but that's the harsh reality of it.
I just spent 2 months in China doing a language class. All of the girls in my class were very tiny asian girls and most of them really wanted to lose more weight. It got so bad that some of them would skip meals. I didn't know how to approach it - but I advised ALL of them to seek professional help about their body image. Some then told me they knew it was silly, but they just don't want to get bigger. One got quite angry at me, but she was the one I was most concerned about.... I just hope I put the thought into her head and it might turn into action.
Can't say I've encountered this except for a co-worker that's all of a size 2 and constantly calls herself "fat" which I just roll my eyes and walk away.
Thanks for the good advice, chicks. I'll try to be compassionate and helpful, without pushing too hard. I also like some of the ideas for suggesting non-weight loss alternatives (therapy, toning, etc).
Depends where they're coming from. In East Asia and Eastern Europe for instance the societal ideal BMI is less than 18.5.
I'd suggest staying out of it, since it's their body their choice and they too are fully capable of plugging numbers into the BMI calculator.
Maybe they're flabby and looking to get in better shape. Or maybe they have serious body dysmorphic issues, which is not really your duty/obligation to fix for them (that's what therapists and ED specialists are for). Either way, observing a personal policy of not egging them on and not sounding like you are judging them pretty much absolves you of all responsibility for these friends.
katiekish Yeah man! I worked at a Japanese high school and all these athletic girls wanted to lose 5-10 kg...I always wondered where it would come off of? Oh well, can't judge, Japanese people outlive us in N. America by a loooong shot, and that's with many women in middle and old age being clinically underweight. They're built smaller than the younger generation and I think BMI does not apply to them in the same way it does to bigger people.
I find that the best thing to do for people (and in other situations too) is to let them know that you are always there to listen - and not voice an opinion unless asked - because I think that people find it comforting when someone just simply listens to them or at least stands there as they vent lol.
I find that the best thing to do for people (and in other situations too) is to let them know that you are always there to listen - and not voice an opinion unless asked - because I think that people find it comforting when someone just simply listens to them or at least stands there as they vent lol.
This...I've watched one of my best friends struggle with anorexia for the last...holy crap...8 years now. In high school our 3rd Musketeer and I tried confronting her about it, and it only made her more secretive about her methods. She missed most of junior year because she got shipped out to a treatment facility. Eventually we came to realize that she reacted better to a "you seem bummed...let's chat?" than a "____, we can see your ribs through your shirt and we're worried." Not addressing the issue directly and just being constantly supportive in general worked well in my case...maybe it would work for you too.
How do you deal with underweight friends who want to lose weight?
