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Old 02-29-2012, 04:57 PM   #1
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Default Early Life crisis....

This has not a lot to do with weight loss, but it's been weighing heavy on my mind lately and I really need to vent. Lately I feel like I've reached that part of my life where my friends are growing up and doing different things and that I'm left behind. Maybe not necessarily left behind but going in a different path. One of my best friends has gotten married at 22yrs old, has a career and is looking for a house to buy. My other doesn't make the best relationship choices (as in never dating one man at a time) and I find myself getting frustrated with her. A year ago we would always talk about getting our first apartment together (I'm 23yrs old and she's 22). Now I realize that by the time I'm able to get an apartment, I feel like she and everyone else is going to be moved in with their boyfriends and blah blah blah. I've been single for 23 yrs and I don't see myself hopping on that band wagon any time soon so I began considering getting an apartment by myself if I get a job that will allow it. I'm in my final semester of college and will be getting my bachelors degree in May, but I feel like even thought I have attained this and my friends haven't, that I'm doing nothing with my life. I don't like feeling like if I lost weight then maybe I'll get a boyfriend because I know I'm a great person on the inside, I just can't find someone who is willing to get to know me to see it. I love my friends n wouldn't change them for the world, I just sort of feel like I'm more diverse in the things I like to do and the experiences I want to have. I'm 23 and am already sick of the bar scene, don't really enjoy drinking anymore and they love to drink and go to bars. I'm just feeling more alone than ever I guess. Thanks for listening!
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:25 PM   #2
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Sometimes the way to really feel good about your life and your choices is to work/volunteer time with some good causes - you'll be doing good, meeting new people who are also willing to donate their time, while also being very thankful for what you have. Be PROUD of yourself for graduating in a few months - that is HUGE - so, so many people don't have a degree and long for the opportunity to do so. Your friends might be trying to go to school later in life, while supporting children on their own, while also holding down a fulltime job, etc.

Don't measure your life against anyone else's ... what do you feel is missing? Maybe reach out a bit more to guys you find interesting, and see where it goes. Sometimes it just takes our social circles changing a little bit to find different people - no hard and fast ways to find those you click with. Maybe you're just growing in a different way away from your friends - it's not like they're growing away from you - it sounds mutual. You have good priorities, don't doubt yourself! Expand on those priorities you have - explore the different interests - you're at the beginning of a new phase of your life after you graduate and you hold the keys to what you surround yourself with! We love friends but sometimes we just grow away from them for a while or longer. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with you - it just means that you realize you're looking for more and are preparing yourself mentally for reaching out to expand your world!! GOOD LUCK!

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Old 02-29-2012, 05:27 PM   #3
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Hey Jessy

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult period. I can definitely relate. I am around your age (21) and I have friends with very similar situations. I too am almost finished with college and I am in crisis mode about what to do with my life/where I am and where I want to be.

I think at our age feelings like this are completely normal. The one mistake I ALWAYS make and I hope that you can avoid making is comparing myself to everyone around me. I think a healthier way to think about it is to understand that everyone is different and has different paths and different ways of going about doing things. For one, you should be immensely proud of yourself for sticking with your Bachelor's and graduating this May. That in itself is something that no one can ever take away from you and that you achieved all on your own. Try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Work on your own goals with weight loss and don't think about trying to find someone right now. I think what would be better is to get yourself to a position where you feel good about yourself on the outside and the inside and then maybe put yourself out there some more. We are both SO young and I think society rushes us into becoming older than we are.

The bottom line is that I am sure you are a very unique person with wonderful qualities. I always think of this point in my life as a critical juncture- just like it is for everyone else. Sometimes people part ways during this time because of life situations/new interests. My advice is to stick with your old friends but maybe branch out and try to make some new ones who value the same things as you. Don't feel too lonely, we all go through periods like this I think.

Message me if you'd like, I'm here for ya! *Hugs*
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:47 PM   #4
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Sometimes as we grow older we just grow away from our long time friends. Different circumstances, different goals. You will make new friends, do not give up the old ones but you will find yourself spending less time with the old friends as you explore new options.
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:23 PM   #5
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It sounds like you and your friends might be growing apart, and that's natural. If your values and interests are different from theirs, it might just be time to widen your circle of acquaintances. There are other people your age whose lives don't revolve around relationships or partying. FWIW, I think it takes a lot of people until their mid-20s to get a handle on what they value and what they want to do. Don't stress too much.

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Old 03-05-2012, 05:37 PM   #6
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I can relate to the feelings of a quater life crisis.

Two years ago when I was 26 I quit my job and returned to school and got a second BA. While completing my degree, my finance and I broke up. I promptly booked a 3 month trip to Africa with the money I'd been saving for the wedding. While in Africa I did a whole bunch of crazy things I never would have dreamed of doing (sky-diving, bungie jumping, white water rafting on the zambezi river) Just before I left for Africa I applied to grad school. I got accepted and 3 weeks after returning from Africa I moved to NYC.

Before those crazy two years, I felt like I had grown away from my friends, I felt trapped in a medicore relationship (I loved him, but we weren't working). Shaking things up, by travelling and moving really helped me put my life into perspective. I'm way happier now than I ever was before. I just took getting out of my comfort zone to get there.

Don't feel down on yourself. You're getting your degree! That's a huge accomplishment! Sign up for a fun class (cooking, photography, dance, yoga) and try volunteering. Those are some of the ways I've met my new friends here in NYC. It will help you meet people you have more in common with, and it will get you out and doing something. Plus volunteer work looks great on a resume. Doing something you enjoy will make you feel better and give you something to look forward each week.

You can do it!
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Old 03-06-2012, 05:50 PM   #7
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You're really young. You're not supposed to really know what you want to 'be when you grow up'. The people I know who are the happiest are always re-evaluating what they want in life.

Are you not dating because you don't think you're pretty or you're just not interested? Meeting guys who will be compatible is a lot more about doing the things you love (hobbies, volunteering, anything social and fun for you) and meeting like-minded people there. Whatever weight you are now there is a guy out there who thinks you're crazy hot. Trust me. Lots of guys in their teens and 20's are still worried about what their friends think of a girl, rather than what they actually are attracted to. By their 30's guys are a lot more ready to hit on the heavy girls they really think are hot.

As far as friends go...not everyone is the type of person to grow in the same directions/time frame as their friends. You are finishing college. You're thinking about careers and becoming an awesome you. If your friends aren't interested in that you might be out growing them. It doesn't mean they're wrong, just that you're growing apart.

At 22 I was convinced I was going to be a professor, get married during grad school and have my first kid as soon as I finished my PhD. Since I ended up on that grad school track I did finish my PhD, I did get married, then divorced because it was the wrong time to the wrong guy. I'm not a professor, I'm starting my own company! I'm only 31. I'm still figuring out what I want and I am sure it will keep changing.

You're on the right track. A bachelors is a great start no matter where you're going. Don't be afraid you're doing it wrong. You aren't. If you're thinking and growing you're doing it right. Good luck.
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